


Worth the Risk

by OfTheAshTree62, Reijin_Hakumei



Category: Bleach
Genre: Aftercare, Alternate Universe - Human, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Aromantic Yukio, Clubbing, Demisexual Toshiro, Dom/sub Undertones, Dominance, Falling In Love, First Dates, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Making Out, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Submission, Subspace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:35:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 61,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28129992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OfTheAshTree62/pseuds/OfTheAshTree62, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reijin_Hakumei/pseuds/Reijin_Hakumei
Summary: Yukio just didn’t do relationships.He had every reason to stay away from close personal connections, and he never even implied that he was willing to do more than use those he met at the club for his own enjoyment. If someone decided to think his intentions were deeper, he wanted no part in their mistake. Being invested wasn’t only something he just wasn’t interested in, it was a risk he wasn’t willing to take...Toshiro just didn't do casual.He'd been able to determine that he only really wanted someone after falling in love with them. And he'd chosen rather poorly at that, as the handful of times that had happened, the other man wasn't interested in him that way. It was actually rather lonely… Because after falling for a third best friend and ruining the relationship by actually telling them that… He'd sort of given up having male friends. It was a risk he wasn’t willing to take...
Relationships: Hitsugaya Toushirou/Yukio Hans Vorarlberna
Comments: 18
Kudos: 18
Collections: YukiShiro Ship Week and Archive





	1. It Won't Kill Ya

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Geishaaa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Geishaaa/gifts).



**__ **

**_Chapter 1:[It Won't Kill Ya](https://youtu.be/0_MRgSKqOB4)_ **

The club was as crowded that night as it was every Saturday night, and Yukio was currently taking a break from his steady stream of offers to dance, sipping his water and scanning the crowd, identifying the most likely prospects of the night. It was really the most interesting part of the nights when he went out with Rukia and Riruka.

Riruka had been his only friend since he was a child, and they were quite close. Or, as close as he ever got to anyone. Really, most of their association involved their weekend trips to the club. It was a wonder she had even stuck around for so long. It wasn’t like Yukio had done anything to earn her friendship. Then she had begun her long-term relationship with Rukia. They had actually met at this very club, and it was very sentimental for them. For him… not so much. 

“So, who’s it gonna be tonight?” Riruka’s voice came from behind him, slapping a hand on his shoulder and sliding into the seat next to him. 

Yukio looked over the crowd again, still undecided. “Well, Renji is decidedly occupied tonight,” he began, gesturing toward the dance floor where the aforementioned redhead was currently grinding against a very drunk but gorgeous man with long black hair pulled into a ponytail that had slipped down to the nape of his neck over the course of the night. 

“Well, do you blame him?” Riruka asked rather plainly. “That guy’s hotter than anyone else he’s ever managed to pick up.”

Yukio shot her a glare, though he didn’t comment on the fact that she had actually just insulted him. “I suppose I’ll decide when Shuhei comes to ask me to dance. I’m not invested enough to seek any of them out anyway. Ichigo was much too passive tonight… so probably not him,” he ran through his usual options, but still he searched. Perhaps there was someone new tonight. 

“Always so confident,” Rukia teased as she sat next to Riruka with another drink in her hand. Riruka immediately pulled her toward her by the waist and Yukio rolled his eyes. “What if Shuhei _doesn’t_ ask you to dance tonight, Yukio?” Rukia added, sipping her fruity cocktail and staring at the side of Yukio’s face. He never really did look at anyone for long, and she had a hunch it wasn’t because he was overly confident. He did look down on others, but she knew better than to think nothing ever affected him.

“Fat chance,” Riruka replied for him. “Shuhei comes running right at about an hour before the club closes. So, just give him another thirty minutes. He’ll be here.” 

Yukio didn’t comment, and he was sure neither of them expected him to. He knew they were having fun at his expense anyway. They were constantly poking at his tendency, habit really, of choosing a guy to have take him home with them. There were a few that were fairly consistent, knew that he didn’t want a relationship and would be gone by morning, but he never did care about any of them. He danced with them, let them take him home with them for a few hours, if they were lucky enough to make it last that long, and then called his driver to pick him up. It really was that simple for him. No one ever expected more of him, and if they did, well… that wasn’t Yukio’s problem.

Yukio just didn’t _do_ relationships. 

He had every reason to stay away from close personal connections, and he never even implied that he was willing to do more than use those he met at the club for his own enjoyment. If someone decided to think his intentions were deeper, he wanted no part in their mistake. Being invested wasn’t only something he just wasn’t interested in, it was a _risk_ he wasn’t willing to take.

Riruka was right - Shuhei was right on time. Yukio actually glanced at his watch when he saw him approaching. One hour, almost to the minute, until the club closed. He heard Riruka and Rukia both giggling behind him when he stood before Shuhei even reached them, just that convinced that he was coming to ask him to dance. Of course, he wasn’t wrong. Shuhei immediately took Yukio’s waist when he reached him, running his hand from there to his ass, giving it a squeeze as he guided him to the dance floor. 

Teal eyes watched the interaction, trying to convince himself that it didn't matter - he wasn't out here by choice anyway. And even if he _did_ dance with the adorably sexy blonde he'd been observing all night, that's all it would be. A dance. People didn't go out to these places looking for what he needed to _actually_ be sexually attracted to someone - they just wanted someone to take them home for the night. And that wasn't something he would be alright with. 

Toshiro just didn't _do_ casual. 

"You know, I do think that man may take him home if you don't actually make a move," Rangiku said into his ear. She was practically draped over him - or as much as she could be, now that he was _finally_ taller, growing six inches over the past year alone. She was drunk, but then that had been the point - to go out drinking. They were celebrating Toshiro's twenty-first birthday but he'd managed to stay only slightly drunk, far more concerned about watching over Rangiku. 

His oldest friend, now living abroad, she'd been extra enough about this to have _flown in_ for the occasion, insisting that she be with him for this momentous moment of his life. Great, he could drink and go out to clubs - neither activity even remotely interesting to him. He'd busied himself keeping other people away from her - she got a bit forward… more so than usual… when she drank, but it was only flirting and Toshiro wanted to avoid any messy misunderstandings. And it helped that the way she was always practically in his lap caused most people to assume they were a couple. 

But Rangiku was basically his older sister, just overly affectionate. _Especially_ with him - she knew he didn't see her as anything other than a sister, making him one of the only safe, consistent men in her life. Because Rangiku was _gorgeous._ Objectively. Toshiro could easily admit that. He just wasn't interested in women - and was quite desensitized to her at this point. It also helped that he didn't experience much sexual attraction to begin with. 

He'd been able to determine that he only really _wanted_ someone _after_ falling in love with them. And he'd chosen rather poorly at that, as the handful of times that had happened, the other man wasn't interested in _him_ that way. It was actually rather lonely… Because after falling for a _third_ best friend and ruining the relationship by actually _telling_ them that… He'd sort of given up having male friends. It was a _risk_ he wasn’t willing to take.

At least he could always count on Ran. 

For better or worse, it seemed. Because she'd realized that the only other person to have caught his attention all night was currently dancing with an attractive man that was edgy enough to have actually tattooed 69 on his _face._

"You think that's an advertisement?" Rangiku asked, still leaning heavily against him. She could actually operate almost perfectly, even this drunk - she just liked the contact. 

"It really doesn't matter if it is - it has nothing to do with me. I'm taking us back to my place as soon as you say I can and I can finally get some sleep."

"But he's so cute! You'd look so good together!" 

"Ran - we've been over this. I just can't do something like that. And he's clearly looking for someone to take him home," Toshiro trailed off, watching the nearly obscene way the small blonde danced with Mr. 69.

"Toshiro, you're twenty-one now, and it's your birthday - you're practically entitled to get laid."

Toshiro narrowed his eyes at her and she shook her head, "I know, I know. Sorry. But a dance won't kill you."

"I'm good, Ran. Seriously. And I need to look out for you anyway. The second I leave you alone you'll have a line."

Rangiku sighed. He wasn't wrong. "Dance with me then," she said, smile bright, taking his hand. 

A very small smile played at Toshiro's lips, allowing her to drag him to the floor. That they could still see the cute blonde and his partner was coincidence, he was sure. Ha. Still, teal eyes couldn't help but watch. He really was captivatingly beautiful. 

“Hey, Yukio, can’t help but see you staring,” Shuhei commented, having bent to speak directly in his ear. Yukio jerked, emerald eyes narrowing back at him. As he spoke, he continued to grind his quite obvious arousal into Yukio’s ass, only vaguely keeping time to the music. It actually irritated Yukio, because he himself was a fantastic dancer, but he allowed Shuhei to look like an idiot, because they both knew this wasn’t about dancing.

But he wasn’t wrong. A white-haired young man had just been dragged from his seat onto the dance floor with a voluptuous strawberry blonde. It was overtly clear they weren’t together, and weren’t trying to be. In fact, the man was barely touching her, even though she insisted on hanging all over him. The man was ridiculously attractive. The sharp teal of his eyes immediately caught Yukio’s attention. 

And with that, he had his new quarry. 

He had seen the man lock eyes with him several times around the woman who was forcing him to actually _dance._ But if he wasn’t interested in the woman he was with, then what was stopping him from coming over? Yukio grinned a bit maliciously. The shy ones were honestly the most fun to play with, because, usually they had a _reason_ to act that way, and once they were presented with some positive attention, they were putty in Yukio’s experienced hands. He had done it many times before.

Yukio reached up and hooked his hand around the back of Shuhei’s neck, pulling him down to his level. “Hey, Shu, if you’ll distract the woman he’s with, I’ll have some fun with him,” Yukio said, using the nickname he knew always had Shuhei at his whim in no time at all. And, he wasn’t going to refuse the opportunity to dance with a gorgeous woman. Shuhei was interested in most anyone who was attractive, no matter if they were male, female, or nonbinary.

Shuhei nodded, releasing Yukio willingly. Yukio was sure he was convinced if this didn’t work out, he would still be available. Yukio hadn’t decided whether he was going to indulge that possibility or not, but really he didn’t see himself failing to get the newcomer to take him home. He watched as Shuhei made his approach - they really weren’t that far from the two of them - emerald eyes locked on the man to watch his reaction to his companion being flirted with.

"You're going to let this one talk to me."

Teal eyes snapped to cerulean blue, "Why on _Earth_ would I do that?"

"Because I think he's sexy - and blondie sent him to get you alone," Rangiku answered with a smirk. 

Toshiro blushed at her words but any comeback was cut off by the arrival of Mr. 69 - who he resignedly allowed to speak before cutting him off. 

Shuhei was rather conservative with his actions, snaking a strong arm around the woman’s waist and pulling her to his side. If he screwed this up, he knew Yukio would cut him off - possibly permanently. He seemed oddly insistent on getting with this other guy. “Hey, I think you’d look better with someone that actually _wanted_ to dance with you,” he commented, his eyes rather brazenly wandering down to her ample chest, which was mostly visible in the low v of her shirt.

"Oh?" Rangiku said, eyes far sharper than her level of drunkenness should have allowed. Honestly, Toshiro was convinced she could drink the whole bar under the table and still be standing. "For your information, my friend here _always_ wants to dance with me. He's just terrible at it."

"Hey!" Toshiro shouted over the music. He wasn't _that_ awful… Just… His eyes slid over to the blonde that was dancing with mesmerizing skill on his own… He was just… _distracted._

Rangiku pretended not to hear him, "And anyway, who says _I_ want to dance with _you?"_

Shuhei shifted to stand behind her, wrapping his other arm around her as well. “I doubt you came here to see _him_ not dance with anyone else the whole night. So, let me take you off his hands for just one dance,” he said lowly in her ear. He glanced up at the teal-eyed man, and he smirked when he realized just how focused he was on Yukio. Clearly the woman wasn’t blind. He was almost positive she knew what was going on here.

"Just so we're clear - we're _just_ dancing," Rangiku said, her voice perfectly clear and commanding. "And _only_ because I actually _do_ want him to dance with someone else. Now, you better figure out how to get your friend over here quick because mine will rabbit - he's _not_ going to ask that cute blonde himself, even if it's clear to all of us that he's interested."

“Yeah, of course, just dancing,” Shuhei agreed. “And don’t worry, he’ll be over as soon as I drag you away,” he added, glancing back at Yukio, who already had his regular predatory grin curving his lips slightly. Shuhei began to pull her away, honestly fairly intimidated, but knowing he could survive a dance with the woman. 

Ran turned to peck Toshiro on the cheek, saying, "I'll be _fine._ Have _fun._ You only turn twenty-one once." Toshiro scowled at her but allowed her to slip from his hold, Mr. 69 pulling her away. At least he looked properly respectful after Ran's sharp words.

Yukio knew not to let the teal-eyed beauty get away. After all, he was probably apt to run back to his table without the security of his friend. So he quickly slid past the one couple between them, immediately taking the man’s wrist and placing his hand on his hip. “Dance with me,” he said, rather plainly. It wasn’t a request at all, and he almost laughed at the shock on the other man’s face.

Toshiro was so taken aback he allowed the smaller man to pull him into a dance without a bit of his usual resistance. He _really_ didn't do this but he found himself following the other's lead. The blonde had perfect confidence in his every movement and Toshiro's usual attention to detail - especially focused as it currently was - had him easily matching his movements, falling into a rather sensual rhythm with the other man. His hands remained rather tentatively placed upon his hips, however, not wanting to give him the wrong idea. He looked gorgeous, and Toshiro enjoyed watching him, but he didn't feel an ounce of real sexual tension. He didn't even know his _name,_ how could he possibly be turned on by a complete stranger? 

Yukio watched him with focus that he tried not to portray as harsh. After all, if he was going to spend the next few hours with him after the club closed, he needed the man to at least think he was pleasant enough company. He met the man’s eyes, offering a small smile and easing a bit closer to him, not quite touching him but _very_ close. He brought his hands up to run them down the stranger’s sides as they moved, absolutely thrilled by the definition he felt under his shirt. “So, I don’t want to keep calling you ‘that hot guy’ in my head, so give me a name,” Yukio requested.

"Toshiro," he responded, finding himself caught by _emerald_ eyes. How in the world were they _that_ green? He really was beautiful. He found that he was more than a little off-balanced by him, responding to his pure confidence instantly. And really, what was the harm in him knowing his name? It would certainly make Toshiro more comfortable to know _his._

Yukio didn’t need to commit the name to memory, really, unless Toshiro was going to become a regular patron at the club, which didn’t seem likely. So, he knew he had one chance here, and he wasn’t going to blow it. “I’m Yukio. So, now that we’re on a first-name basis, I think I’ll actually dance with you,” he said brazenly. He finished closing the distance between their bodies, guiding Toshiro’s hips against his, groaning a bit as his lingering arousal pressed against the other man’s body. Toshiro’s body was intoxicating, and as Yukio’s hands wandered along his back and sides - once he was certain the other could keep a rhythm - he realized every inch of him was covered in lean, cut muscles that flexed deliciously with every movement he made.

Toshiro felt ridiculously torn. Because Yukio’s attention definitely made him feel good - and he was an excellent dancer, the way he was able to so naturally lead even being almost a foot shorter. But he was clearly aroused. That in itself didn't bother him, the fact that _Toshiro_ could bring this beautiful man _arousal_ was actually a huge ego boost. But Toshiro just couldn't respond in the same way and he didn't want the confrontation that may cause. It was one of the main reasons he avoided this entirely. He hated feeling like there was something wrong with him, just because a near stranger couldn't make him hard. Yukio may not say anything - he didn’t _have_ to - but that look always inevitably appeared in the eyes of anyone that attempted to arouse him in this way. That same question - 

_What's wrong with you?_

Yukio had been running his hands over every inch of Toshiro that he could reach, honestly impressed with his physique and beginning to imagine just how satisfying it would be to have this man under him. They had danced through most of a song already, though, and Yukio realized he wasn’t getting the usual response from him. By now, even someone who had never met him before would be groping him just as enthusiastically, returning the pressure of their bodies moving against each other, but Toshiro… was just passively following his lead, actually seeming to enjoy the act of dancing instead of focusing at all on how erotic and arousing the whole thing was. 

With a discreet look at his watch, Yukio knew he only had just over thirty minutes left to convince Toshiro to take him home with him. Perhaps he just needed some more overt motivation. So, Yukio’s hands, which had until now remained above or at Toshiro’s waist, occasionally gripping his hips, wandered lower to firmly run over Toshiro’s ass, increasing the friction between them and actually making _him_ hold back a moan. 

As Yukio’s hands became more forward, Toshiro became more uncomfortable. He grabbed both of Yukio’s wrists, fluidly pulling his hands from him and spinning him so that his back was to his front. He kept his wrists locked in his strong grip, bringing them up to Yukio’s own chest and pinning them there with one hand. His other hand moved slightly lower, pressing against the top of his lithe, hard abs to hold him close to him. 

His small body felt good to hold, but it was really only comforting, endearing at the most. Even with such an objectively attractive man in his arms, he just _couldn't_ feel lust, the heat of desire completely absent. Toshiro honestly didn't know why he even tried; at this point in his life he knew this would be the result. Instead he focused on enjoying the dance, of feeling Yukio’s perfect, small body in his arms. He was so gorgeous. Fit so perfectly against him. And _he_ was obviously interested in _him._ Maybe… he'd actually want to get to know him - give Toshiro a chance at developing feelings for him… 

Yukio was completely shocked when Toshiro took control the way he did, and he wished the other man could see his bright emerald eyes narrowing as a result. He was essentially trapped here for now, trapped against Toshiro’s perfect, gorgeous body. Which really wasn’t a terrible place to be, except that it was quite unnerving to not be completely in control of the situation. As he felt Toshiro’s hands on him, actually intentionally holding him close, he felt his own desire increasing. There was no way he was leaving without this man, but as he consciously investigated the state of the body behind his, he realized… Toshiro wasn’t aroused at all. Not even a little bit. There wasn’t a single hint that he wanted Yukio at all. No labored breathing, no obviously hard length pressing against him from behind, no desperately wandering hands… _nothing._

But the way he was holding him, it certainly seemed like he didn’t want to let him go. So what was the issue? When Yukio tried to be more brazen with his actions, he had been denied without even a hint of hesitation. But Toshiro hadn’t walked away. _Why?_ This man was presenting a challenge, and Yukio knew he wasn’t going to rest until he had claimed him for the night. Yukio never backed down from a challenge. But the question was… _how?_ If his usual advances didn’t work, what was he supposed to do? Actually _talk_ to him? He supposed that may be his last ditch effort. After all, he only had less than half an hour left. 

“So, Toshiro, this doesn’t seem like your usual scene. Your friend drag you here?” Yukio asked, not that he was truly interested, but maybe he could piece together the puzzle. 

At Yukio's question, Toshiro spun him again in his arms, because he wasn't about to try to speak with him over the music _and_ turned away from him. His emerald eyes seemed darker, holding a level of determination that had Toshiro a bit intrigued. So he'd figured out that physical stimulation wasn't going to get him anywhere with him - and he wasn't wrong. But he also wasn't going to get very far with small talk. Still, if he was interested enough to attempt this, perhaps he could want more from him than a one night stand. And Yukio was lovely enough to him that he was willing to indulge him a bit - clearly, as he'd allowed himself to be pulled into this dance to begin with. 

He brought Yukio’s hands up to his shoulders before getting far closer, his arms circling around him in a way that would prevent Yukio from easily lowering his own arms, his hands flush against his back and his front flush against Yukio’s hard chest. He bent a bit, lowering his head so that he could speak directly into his ear, "Yes, my friend is the reason I'm here."

At this point, Yukio gave up any physical control he may have been trying to hold onto. Toshiro was far stronger than he was, and he had him locked in place. But he was just as willing to indulge this ridiculous idea that talking to him might result in _something,_ because he was a bit desperate as closing time neared. “Yeah, my friends drag me here, too. Though, I think I make a better time of it than you are. You know, this could be a lot more fun if you’d just let yourself go a little. Not like anyone here is paying enough attention for you to be acting shy. Except me, but I already think you’re gorgeous, so you don’t have to worry about that,” he pointed out, his voice a bit lower and more heated than before. 

Toshiro blushed a bit at the compliment, answering, "Well, I'm making a better time of it now - I'm enjoying dancing with you, Yukio… You're honestly the most objectively attractive man I've ever met… It's difficult for me _not_ to watch you. I was very flattered that _you_ wanted to dance with _me._

"I'm… not really _shy…"_ Toshiro sighed, deciding to give him a little more. His hands clenched a bit against the fabric of Yukio’s thin shirt at the thought of actually admitting this, preparing for that inevitable look to appear in those beautiful emerald eyes. At least if he left him on the dance floor he wouldn't be wasting either of their time. "This isn't my scene, and I don't bother dancing with strangers, because I'm not _sexually_ attracted to _anyone_ that I haven't developed feelings for. Which is impossible to do in one night. And, in my experience, that's all anyone ever seems to be interested in at a club - trying to get me to take them home."

Yukio actually had a hard time comprehending that, but the evidence was right in front of him. Toshiro even admitted that he thought he was attractive, and _still_ he had absolutely no sexual reaction to him at all. He stared questioningly into bright teal eyes, still not really knowing how to respond. He didn’t want to just _ask_ what would get him in bed with him. Really, he had already told him. 

He had to have _feelings_ for someone, which was the exact opposite way Yukio functioned. But, if it meant having the chance with this man, probably the most gorgeous man he’d ever seen, he would give it a shot. Just another challenge. He could pretend to have feelings for someone, and then he would do what he always did. 

“Alright, then I guess I’ll ask for your number. Though, we’ll see how you feel when we’re done dancing. You might take me home with you anyway. I’ve been known to have that effect on people,” Yukio said smugly, giving Toshiro a rather seductive grin. 

Toshiro ignored the confident quip, his hand coming up to brush Yukio’s long fringe from in front of his left eye, looking deeply into twin emerald green. There was clear desire there, determination, and sudden surprise at Toshiro’s action. But he didn't see what he had fully expected - criticism. 

Toshiro leaned closer, teal eyes locked with emerald green, searching as he spoke, so close he was barely two inches from Yukio’s upturned face as he questioned, "My number? You mean that? You actually want to _know_ me?" 

Again, Yukio was stricken speechless for a moment. The man was now _touching_ him, pushing his hair back like he had any right to take away one of the things that gave him security and staring directly into his eyes. Toshiro seemed legitimately shocked that he had offered such a thing, and the sheer surprise in those bright teal eyes made him force out a much less confident, “Sure.” Yukio wasn’t really sure what the big deal was. Surely people had asked for his number before, as attractive as he was.

Teal eyes narrowed slightly at his answer, trying to decide if Yukio was just going to attempt to string him along. Even if he was though, Toshiro had never fallen for anyone very quickly, and he figured Yukio would get bored of doing so after too long. There were far easier people to seduce if all he wanted was sex. 

That actually wasn't too difficult to put to the test. 

Toshiro's voice was clear, even over the music as he said, "You'll dance with me till close. At the end of the night, I'll give you my number if I'm still convinced you're serious. Then you'll let me pay for your ride home. You won't go home with anyone else while you're actively pursuing a relationship with me. You're beautiful, Yukio, but I'm not going to waste either of our time. Think about it. If you can't agree to that, don't ask for my number after the last song, and I'm sure your friend from before will be glad to take you home."

Yukio absolutely couldn’t maintain his confidence through that. He actually _did_ have to think about it. Agreeing to _not_ do what he had done every weekend for years now seemed a steep price for _one_ man, even if he was quite the specimen. And he had used that damned word - _relationship_ \- that just set Yukio on edge. Relationships meant talking, spending time together, being _honest_ with each other. Things he had been actively avoiding for his entire life. When he realized there were people out there who would do what he wanted _without_ all of that, he had jumped on the chance as quickly as he could. 

But Toshiro actually seemed kind, probably caring - if all this ridiculous talk about _feelings_ and _relationships_ was any indication - and genuinely interested in him. Really, it meant more to receive those things from someone who didn’t just want him to use for a night of free sex. But… he feared the outcome of _ever_ feeling like someone wanted him to open up to them, because he didn’t even really want to face his own mind. Why would he expose it to someone else? 

His thoughts took over until the final twenty minutes had expired, and he found himself faced with a decision as the last song ended. He still had no idea what to do. Toshiro was gorgeous, but he had no idea what he was asking. Relationships might be the go-to answer for _him,_ but they never had been to Yukio. But, he supposed he could always take his number and text him for a couple weeks. If he wanted to drop him after that because it wasn’t going anywhere, Yukio was sure he would still have his regular guys lined up waiting for him. 

Toshiro had seen the conflict within his dance partner and he was actually glad the smaller man was taking him seriously. He was done being hurt by people he'd really come to love. It may seem a bit unfair but if Toshiro was ever going to give his heart away again, he was going to make damn certain he wasn't going to be rejected. It was exhausting and beyond painful. It was fine, really, if Yukio couldn't agree. At least they'd know now. 

As the final song came to an end, he slowed to a stop, hands settling lightly upon Yukio's slim hips. He noted Rangiku approaching them from the corner of his eye from across the room with Yukio’s friend pulled behind. "Thank you for the dance, Yukio," Toshiro said, his voice genuine as he waited for his response. 

And his decision. 

“Thank you for the dance?” Yukio repeated mockingly. “This isn’t a damn ball, Toshiro. You do know you’re in a club, right?” But as he complained, he was completely taken by the fact that Toshiro was actually a decent human being with manners. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and opened a new contact, holding it out to Toshiro. “Give me your number.”

Toshiro chuckled, but told him all the same. "So, I suppose this means I'm getting you a ride home then?" he asked, noting that Rangiku was hovering just off to the side, her smile a bit too wide for comfort. He wasn't going to get any sleep for a while - not after her seeing him _actually_ give out his number. Yukio wasn’t going to be the only one suffering tonight. 

“No need for that. I’ll call my driver,” Yukio replied as he took his phone back. “And yes, that means I just agreed to all of this with no benefit to me whatsoever. Maybe you can add ‘philanthropist’ to your tally of reasons you might like me, because I’m sure you don’t even realize how much I’m giving you free of charge,” he added with a bit of an edge to his voice. 

Toshiro actually laughed at that before responding, "You see my friend waiting just over there? She's been like an elder sister to me since I can remember. And she just saw me give you my number - something I've literally never done before in this context. If anything, you don't realize how much I'm giving _you_ free of charge. I'm not going to hear the end of this for the rest of my life and I'm going to have to live with her using this against me every other time she decides things like this are for 'my benefit'."

Yukio honestly couldn’t even muster a smile. At least Toshiro had someone like that. Sure, Yukio had Riruka, but she was occupied with Rukia more often than not since they had started dating, which was what had driven him to picking up men in clubs in the first place. He needed something to make himself not feel so alone, but he had too much in his past to protect - to _hide_ \- to risk emotional attachment. Riruka knew it all, but she chose to ignore it, maybe for Yukio’s benefit, but it didn’t help the fact that he felt justified in keeping it locked away if even his best friend didn’t want to fully address it. 

“Yeah, must be awful to be pestered like that,” was all he could think to say, and he knew his tone had betrayed him. Toshiro would _never_ find out why Yukio was the way he was. That he would make sure of. 

Toshiro frowned, trying to figure out what he had said to bring down Yukio’s mood so drastically. He didn't have enough context though, didn't know him barely at all. He brought his hand up to cup his cheek without really thinking about it, trying to offer him a bit of comfort, "It's fine - I was mostly just responding to you in kind. I didn't mean to upset you. I'm… actually not great at this. Ran's all I got - the only one who puts up with me. I've been told I can be rather abrasive and cold without meaning to be."

Yukio didn’t even grace Toshiro with a glance as he spoke, and he all but glared toward his hand on his cheek. “Sounds like we might get along then, if we can stand _each other_ being abrasive. But I _wasn’t_ kidding. You _don’t_ know what I’m giving you. If this works out, maybe eventually you’ll know what I mean,” he grumbled, stepping back out of Toshiro’s reach before looking up at him, emerald eyes alight with a different heat, strongly defensive as he regarded the man before him. 

"If this works out," Toshiro said quietly, "I'll tell you why I required these terms of you in the first place." His teal eyes became guarded, pain held just beneath the surface as his posture slumped slightly at the fracture in his rather fragile confidence. Because he _wasn't_ confident - _at all._ People used him all the time and he'd only just begun standing up for himself. But it was really just a front, born from pain and necessity. He was so tired of always pretending to be okay. But he needed to make sure anyone he shared that part of himself with wouldn't buckle under the weight. 

At the flash of insecurity in Toshiro’s eyes, Yukio felt sympathy hit him _hard,_ and his own eyes widened just a bit before he regained control of himself. He was _not_ showing emotion in front of these people. He gave a forced glare to the man standing in front of him, not saying another word before turning and swiftly making his way to the exit. 

“Hey, Yukio, we still-”

“Go home, Shuhei!” Yukio called back over his shoulder. 

"Aw, I'll take you home Shuhei!" Rangiku said brightly. 

"Rangiku!" Toshiro said sternly, turning and quickly walking over to them, "For one, it's _my_ home, not yours, and you _cannot_ be serious."

"But Toshiro!" Rangiku whined, wrapping her arms around Shuhei, her large breasts pressing into his back, "He's been such a gentleman all night, even paid my tab at the bar. I'd feel bad just letting him go home alone after all that."

Toshiro pressed his face into his hand, counting slowly to ten so as not to yell at her. It was paying for the bar tab that probably won her over. And really, Toshiro supposed that it was actually _his_ fault he'd be going home alone… And if he regularly did such a thing with Yukio, he'd likely be doing so for a while. "If I agree to this, you're letting me go to sleep as soon as we get home."

"Deal! I can always grill you about the blonde cutie tomorrow anyway," Rangiku stated with a sly smile. 

Toshiro sighed, holding out his hand towards the other man, "I'm Toshiro, by the way."

“Shuhei,” Shuhei replied, shaking Toshiro’s hand briefly and trying _not_ to focus on the woman currently clinging to him. “So… was Yukio just mad or… is he off the market now? Because it’s not just me that’s going to be disappointed by that,” he added. 

Toshiro blinked and frowned before saying, "Off the market… For now, anyway. And I have a feeling I'll want to talk with you about him in the morning, if that's alright." Shuhei seemed _really_ familiar with Yukio and Toshiro could tell pulling details from the rather prickly blonde was going to be a process. 

Shuhei laughed a bit. “You can ask me all you want, but Yukio doesn’t tell anyone _shit_ about his personal life, so I can’t say I’ll be much help,” he replied. 

Toshiro nodded - he'd gathered that rather quickly. "What you can tell me of his _public_ life would be appreciated. Just want to know a bit more about the situation I'm walking into. I wouldn't expect you to tell me anything he'd said to you in confidence anyway - if he _had_ shared anything personal with you."

“Well, I’ll go ahead and tell you Yukio’s a piece of work. But he must be really interested in you if he didn’t immediately give up and come back to me,” Shuhei provided, hoping he could give a silver lining to what was likely to be the harsh reality of Yukio’s habits. 

"I'm not exactly perfect either," was all Toshiro said. It was clear what type of relationship Shuhei had had with Yukio - may again if Yukio gave up on pursuing him - but Toshiro didn't really care. Yukio had accepted his terms, so he was going to give him an honest chance. Who was he to judge others' relationship (or non-relationship) preferences? "You two ready to go? That is, if you're coming, Shuhei?" 

"Ready Captain!" Rangiku said with a salute, falling into giggles as Toshiro rolled his eyes. Honestly. It was too early in the morning - how in the world was she still _this_ energetic? 

“Hell yeah I’m coming,” Shuhei replied, throwing his arm around Rangiku and pulling her to his side. 

Toshiro nodded, more than a little amused - not that he'd ever admit that to Rangiku. She could tell anyway; she always could read him like an open book. He wasn't worried about Shuhei at all. Rangiku could make her own decisions - she was the most capable woman he knew - and he probably _would_ owe her for this night in the future. 

If Yukio was who Toshiro thought he _could_ be. 

Either way… 

He wanted to know him. 


	2. The Only Exception

**_Chapter 2:[The Only Exception](https://youtu.be/-J7J_IWUhls)_ **

It had been three days since that night at the club, and Yukio stared at his phone, reading Toshiro’s name and his phone number over and over just to pass the time and occupy his mind. Because it had been  _ hell  _ for three days while he decided whether he was  _ actually  _ going to text him. On the one hand, it was his only chance to get Toshiro in bed with him, but was all this  _ work  _ really worth it? He would have to  _ date  _ him, essentially, before he even had a chance at what he really wanted. 

When he got it, it better be the best sex he’d ever had, because Yukio did  _ not  _ back down from a challenge. 

So, he tapped the message icon and considered… what would Toshiro want to hear? Probably something stupid and romantic, but Yukio wasn’t about to stoop that low. So, he typed out a short message and, without even fretting over it, hit send.

Toshiro had placed his phone on silent two days ago. After nearly jumping to check it after every message peep the thing made to have it only be Ran and not the adorable blonde he’d danced with at the club, he’d just had enough of the message tone. By the third day, he’d honestly given up. He’d spoken with Shuhei the following morning as discussed and the man hadn’t said much but what he had was decidedly concerning.

Yukio didn’t date. He  _ never _ dated, as far as Shuhei was aware, and he was very clear about not wanting any attachments. From what Shuhei had said, Yukio lived his life as a string of one-night-stands and he was perfectly happy like that. 

But why then had he still demanded his number?

Toshiro had been fairly clear what he needed - and Yukio had demanded his number anyway. The first day, Toshiro had thought that,  _ maybe, _ Yukio was tired of meaningless sex and wanted to try something different. Either that, or he’d attempt to get Toshiro to like him enough to have sex with him and then leave - Toshiro was convinced that if this were true it wouldn’t work anyway, he wasn’t an idiot. He could tell if someone  _ actually _ cared about him and wanted to be with him.

He’d had enough experience being wrong to know  _ exactly _ what the opposite looked like by now.

But Yukio hadn’t messaged, and so neither scenario came to pass.

So he didn’t see Yukio’s message until a couple hours after he’d sent it, and even then he could only  _ assume _ it was Yukio as he hadn’t actually said his name in the message.

_ We’re going out Friday. 6pm. Send me your address and I’ll pick you up. _

That  _ had _ to be Yukio. No one else he knew would send this to him - except for perhaps Ran but for one, he had her number programmed, and secondly, she had flown back home earlier that morning. 

Toshiro sat as he re-read the text over and over. How was he supposed to respond to this? Well, he supposed making sure the really was Yukio and not someone with the wrong number would be a good place to start.

_ You know, the first time you message someone, you should really send your name in the text. This is Yukio, right? _

Yukio would never admit that he had been glancing at his phone for the last hours waiting for a reply. The faster he could confirm this…  _ date,  _ the faster he could get this man out of his head. When his phone finally chimed, his heart skipped, and he actually narrowed his eyes at his own reaction. This was  _ not  _ worth all this anxiety. When he read the reply, he scoffed and shook his head.

_ Is there someone else who would be offering to take you out? Yes, this is Yukio.  _

He fought the urge to call Toshiro an idiot, because really, who else could it be? But that wouldn’t do well for first impressions, so he kept it as it was.

Having turned the sound back on now that Yukio had actually started a conversation with him, he knew the moment he messaged back. And he couldn’t help but smile at the fact that it had been no more than two minutes. He chuckled a bit at the message, deciding to have a bit of fun with the other man. 

_ There’s many someones who would be offering to take me out but I have only ever given you my number. So I was fairly confident but wanted to make sure. Also, wrong number messages are a thing. _

Yukio glared at the message. He considered not answering at all. After all, he wasn’t looking to actually form any kind of friendship with this man. But he really couldn’t help it, and it would help feed the facade anyway.

_ Smart ass. Maybe I will start to like you. _

Toshiro actually did laugh a bit at that. Yukio was abrasive to be sure, but for some reason it was so refreshing to Toshiro that he was. He was so used to either being completely ignored or sweet-talked. He  _ hated _ sweet-talk, because it was so false, so disingenuous of what they actually wanted. Still, he knew Yukio’s habits, and he wasn’t going to make this easy on him. If he  _ really _ was interested in a relationship then this type of banter would be fine anyway. But if he wasn’t, he’d likely give up after too long and Toshiro could save himself the headache.

_ We’ll see. At 6pm this Friday, from what I gather. Am I allowed to know where you’re taking me? Or do you really expect me to just jump in your car with you and trust you don’t have an interest in abduction? _

Yukio fought back a chuckle. 

_ Yes, you’re going to blindly get in my car and I’m taking you somewhere. But I probably couldn’t stand you for long enough to consider it a kidnapping. Your genuine kindness is rather sickening. _

Toshiro smiled, leaning back on his couch and resting his head against the arm, stretched out. 

_ That’s too bad, I find your causticity rather endearing.  _

Yukio literally almost dropped his phone reading that. He sat back against the back of the leather armchair he occupied, crossing his right leg over his left in a habitually guarded position, even though he wasn’t even actually  _ facing  _ Toshiro. He didn’t even know how to respond, but Toshiro seemed to enjoy his blunt honesty. 

_ Well, that’s the goal. _

Toshiro hummed a bit at that, a small smile appearing on his face.

_ Indeed. _

He followed the simple word with his address, staring blankly at the ceiling and wondering if Yukio would even text back after he’d gotten what he wanted out of him. Perhaps… his response - or the lack of one - would tell Toshiro all he really needed to know. He hated that his heart ached just a little at the thought. He really did like Yukio, personality and all, but he was determined to guard his heart until he was certain the other genuinely had feelings for him too. Because he was  _ done _ with being used and with giving his heart to those that didn’t want it in the first place.

Yukio locked his phone once he received the address, holding his phone and propping his elbow on the arm of the chair, resting his chin in his palm. He sighed, absolutely hating just how comfortable he already felt talking to Toshiro. He didn’t want friendship, or a relationship, or even any kind of personal connection. He wanted to be able to delete Toshiro’s number without a second thought after a few meaningless dates. Still, his heart skipped a bit at the thought of Toshiro waiting for a response, so he glanced at his phone. It had been five minutes since he received the last message. He shook his head, unlocking his phone and texting back.

_ Thanks. _

For some reason each second of those five minutes seemed to stretch for Toshiro and he tried not to feel like his heart was sinking lower into his chest. Well, that was likely his answer, and though he wouldn’t cancel with Yukio, he couldn’t help but become even more guarded about the other.

And then his phone sounded again and he tried not to focus on the relief that simple tone brought with it. Honestly, he needed to be stronger than this. Still, his heart seemed rather determined to give the prickly blonde a chance and he could already feel himself warming up to him. 

_ Thank you, Yukio. I’ll be ready by 6pm. I’m honestly looking forward to seeing you again. _

Yukio bit his lip to keep from smiling. Not that anyone could see him, but even physically expressing any amount of  _ care  _ for this man was ridiculous. He honestly didn’t know what was happening to him. He barely knew Toshiro, and here he was actually having a conversation with him like some part of him  _ wanted  _ to know him. There was actually tension in his hand as he fought against replying, but he found himself doing it anyway.

_ There’s that disgusting kindness again. I’ll have to get used to that. _

Toshiro couldn’t help but grin at the rapid response, especially when he read what Yukio had sent.

_ I hope you will. Though I’ll try to restrain myself from getting you flowers for Friday. _

Yukio laughed, full and loud at the otherwise empty room, and he brought his hand to cover his mouth as he felt heat rushing to his cheeks.  _ Ridiculous.  _ This was all completely ridiculous.

_ If you have flowers, I’m leaving and hoping I never see you again. That’s both so romantic it makes me want to puke and completely embarrassing. _

Toshiro smiled, honestly everything Yukio said was completely endearing.

_ Well, I certainly don’t want that. No flowers then. At least until you’ve become more used to all this disgusting kindness. _

Yukio shook his head.

_ No. No flowers, ever. I don’t care how used to your kindness I get. If you want to buy me something just because you can’t help your ridiculous ways, I like chocolate. In plain, unassuming boxes. _

Toshiro couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow that Yukio had  _ actually _ given him an honest preference for a gift. 

_ Is that any chocolate? Or do you have a preference? If it’s white instead of milk chocolate, you’re not going to throw it in the trash in front of me, are you? _

Yukio actually couldn’t believe he was still having this conversation, but he found he really didn’t want to put his phone down.

_ Don’t you know white chocolate isn’t actually chocolate? It has absolutely no cocoa in it at all. So yes, if you get me fake chocolate, I will throw it in the garbage. _

Toshiro was grinning again at the response - fake chocolate indeed.

_ What about dark chocolate - that has cocoa in it.  _

Yukio had to restrain another insult as he typed his reply, but it was becoming easier to just be humorously quippy instead of actually abrasive.

_ Yes, it does. Very good. If I have to teach you what chocolate is, I don’t know that there’s much hope here. _

Toshiro smirked.

_ Just establishing that the amount of sugar doesn’t matter. What if it has other stuff in it? Like nuts, caramel, peanut butter, etc? _

Yukio’s brow furrowed at the question, genuinely confused as to why this all mattered. They had been exposed to each other for all of an hour three days ago. Would it really matter if he got him something generic and subpar? Was this guy really  _ this  _ invested in everyone he ever talked to?

_ Just get some damn chocolate if you insist on getting me something. I’m not allergic to anything so nothing’s going to kill me. _

Toshiro smiled a bit at the answer, deciding to back off. He knew talking like this probably wasn’t something Yukio did very often - if at all - according to Shuhei. Shuhei didn’t even have his number. That was more than enough for a plan anyway, although Yukio may regret that statement. However, if he did throw the gift back in his face, Toshiro would probably just laugh at this point. He was completely adorable to him with that attitude of his.

_ Get some damn chocolate. Not allergic to anything. Chocolate is real chocolate if it contains cocoa. Noted. If I say I have something I need to go do for now but will text you later, will you respond? Or am I going to be holding out till Friday? _

Yukio stared at the message for a while, reading it three times before he even thought of a response. Was Toshiro serious? Was he actually keeping track of these pointless details? Because it all seemed much too tedious for Yukio. He was much more likely to dump any information Toshiro gave him about preferences or his personal life. Retaining such information would show attachment and investment in the relationship, and he wanted no part it in.

_ One, you’re an idiot. Two, I guess you’ll have to text me and find out - if you really care that much. And if you do care that much, I’m going to doubt your sanity even more than I already do. _

Toshiro couldn’t help wondering - why did being insulted actually make him smile this much? Actually, that wasn’t a bad thing to say… If just to see what Yukio would respond with.

_ One, that’s actually the first time someone has called me an idiot - at least directly to my face - and for some reason that’s refreshing. Why is it when you insult me it just makes you more fun to talk to? And two, I do care, because you’re actually enjoyable to talk to. I haven’t smiled this much in a while. _

Yukio immediately locked his phone and slammed it down on his leg. He shook his head, slowly leaning to rest his forehead in his free hand. Why was his heart pounding like this? Toshiro’s insistent positivity just made him frustrated, and nothing more. Yukio had  _ no  _ redeeming traits. He knew that. He was intentionally distant, and what emotions he did express tended to push others away, very much by design. But Toshiro was acting like he was somehow  _ attracted  _ to his bad attitude. But he supposed that was alright for now. That was the whole idea, anyway. So, he opened his phone again.

_ You really are an idiot if you think texting is the same as me saying something directly to your face.  _

Toshiro really did laugh hard at that. 

_ Brat. You know what I meant. And I am texting you later, whether you respond or not. Like you said, I guess I'll find that part out. But I hope you do.  _

Yukio’s hands tensed at being called a brat. No one had really ever been straightforward enough to call him out on his jabs. Perhaps Toshiro could handle his personality, but that caused a fair amount of fear to pierce Yukio’s heart. It was too easy to be genuine with Toshiro, and honesty had never treated Yukio well. He couldn’t actually get involved with Toshiro. He  _ couldn’t.  _

_ Yeah, keep hoping. Bye. _

Toshiro smiled, a bit alarmed at how fond he already was of Yukio. This was going to be far more difficult than he thought, keeping his heart guarded. Yukio was just so refreshingly free and upfront with his words and actions,  _ and  _ there was the fact that Toshiro found him to be gorgeous and remembered exactly how perfect he had felt to hold when they danced. Toshiro really wanted this to work with Yukio, he was amazed to realize. But that desire had never treated Toshiro well. He couldn't open himself up to be hurt by Yukio. He  _ couldn't.  _

But he still found himself texting back. 

_ I will. Later, Yukio.  _

Yukio sighed as he read the last message. Toshiro would keep hoping, and Yukio was sure to disappoint him. Though, he wanted to kick himself for thinking he probably  _ would  _ reply to Toshiro when he texted him. Other than Riruka, no one else bothered to check on him anyway. He didn’t have anything else to do, alone in a house that was much too large for only one person. But just a cure for the loneliness wasn’t a good enough reason for Yukio to justify talking to Toshiro. He still wanted to have him, and that didn’t require emotions for Yukio. But, even as he thought that, his heart was still calming from the actual  _ happiness  _ he had felt just texting him. He was actually nervous to see how Friday would go. He couldn’t let go of this security he had established over the years. He absolutely couldn’t let the walls crumble. If he did, he’d never forgive himself. 

And neither would Toshiro.

Yukio hadn’t been able to get a hold of himself all week, the anxiety of actually going on a  _ date  _ wearing on him. It didn’t help that Toshiro had been texting him every day. It was ridiculous, the encouragement the man had gleaned from the backhanded responses Yukio had provided. The feeling that Toshiro was already starting to care about him was both relieving and terrifying. Relieving because he may be getting what he wanted sooner than he thought. Terrifying because Yukio was beginning to think that, given time, he may actually  _ like  _ Toshiro. That was unacceptable. He couldn’t give up what he had built for himself for a guy that was meant to be just another one night stand.

Yukio was sitting in the back seat of his car, his eyes to the window as they usually were. His driver literally never spoke to him, and that was very much to his liking. He never had to stand petty conversation. Yukio had researched Toshiro’s address, and he was pleasantly surprised. He lived in a large house outside of city limits, and as the car approached, he found that he was rather impressed with the dwelling. He looked over the front of the house, rather charmed by the covered porch and well-maintained steps up to the door. He pulled his phone from his pocket, having no interest in actually getting out of the car, and texted Toshiro.

_ I’m here. _

Toshiro picked up his phone at the message tone, noting that it was 6pm exactly. Yukio may be abrasive with his personality but it seemed he was also very punctual. He quickly texted back that he was on his way out before leaving, locking up behind him. 

The car in the drive was definitely new, this year, sleek black, and shouted money. Toshiro didn't think much of it though. He was wealthy himself and he'd gathered that Yukio must have been - after all he had a  _ driver.  _ He approached the car, pausing when Yukio’s driver got out and opened a door for him. He nodded to him, saying a quiet, "Thank you," before sliding in next to Yukio. 

Toshiro just stared at him for a moment; somehow he'd forgotten just how stunning Yukio  _ really  _ looked after the past week. He quickly collected himself though and, with a fond smirk, held out an unassuming white box. 

Yukio stared at it for a moment while the car pulled out of the driveway, more concerned for the expression on Toshiro’s face than the fact that he had actually bought him something. Like he was actually already fond of him. He didn’t know why that bothered him so much. In fact, it should make him sadistically happy because he’d be collecting his reward soon. But his heart clenched in his chest as he took the box from Toshiro. He didn’t even open it, though, placing it next to him and keeping his eyes forward. 

He couldn’t look at Toshiro. It just reminded him how gorgeous he was, and how much he desperately wanted to jump him right here in the back seat. He was even dressed well in a gray button-down shirt and black slacks. At the hint of a glimmer in his peripheral vision, Yukio glanced over to find what appeared to be cufflinks with  _ real  _ turquoise stones embedded in them. It was rather clear by his home that Toshiro was wealthy, and those cufflinks didn’t look like cheap knockoffs. He was almost certain the link itself had to be white gold. Silver didn’t have the same tone in the light. With a light sigh, he averted his eyes further to watch as the scenery passed by. At least he wasn’t asking for a relationship for the possibility of money.

“You didn’t think of poisoning me, did you? Because I’m sure you think I’d deserve it,” Yukio muttered, only half turning to be sure Toshiro heard him.

Toshiro raised a brow, asking, "And why would I think that? You haven't even ignored my texts. I'm under no illusions with you, Yukio. You didn't have to talk to me all week and yet you did. Poisoning you would be rather poor thanks." He nodded to the box, "Think of that as a reward, for humoring me if you want, but I am grateful you didn't ghost me."

Yukio’s eyes narrowed as he turned to look at Toshiro. “It’s  _ because  _ you’re under no illusions with me that I think you’d jump at the opportunity to at least humiliate me. You  _ know  _ I’m a jerk, and you  _ know  _ I use people, yet you’re saying you’re  _ rewarding  _ me for sending a few texts?” he demanded, crossing his arms over his chest and waiting for some justification that Toshiro would think he was actually worth any of this effort. 

"Yes," Toshiro said simply, a small smile on his face at the reaction. Yukio’s defensiveness was just more endearing in person - he really was in trouble here but he couldn't help but want to show Yukio that someone  _ could  _ care about him. That he was more than worth the effort. 

Yukio only shook his head, having nothing else to say to Toshiro’s misplaced generosity. Surely someone like Toshiro could do better. If he wanted a relationship, Yukio admitted it was a rather poor choice to give his number to someone at a club that was  _ clearly  _ not interested in anything but using him for a good time. The way Toshiro treated him, though, was a breath of fresh air. Yukio knew it was his own fault - that people only treated him like a sex toy because he presented himself that way - but no one had ever even  _ tried  _ to look past that. 

If he ever felt comfortable actually showing himself to Toshiro, he could only hope the other man didn’t hate him. 

That simple thought caused Yukio’s heart to pound again. Since when did he  _ care  _ what anyone else thought about him? If Toshiro hated him, he would probably congratulate him for finally gaining some sense. But, as though his heart wasn’t listening to reason, a small, barely muttered, “Thank you,” was surfacing without Yukio’s consent. 

Toshiro’s smile grew just a bit before he quietly asked, "Well, are you going to open it?" 

Yukio glanced at the plain white box next to him. “It’s just chocolate, right? I know what chocolate looks like,” he retorted, not even uncrossing his arms from where they were firmly pressed to his own chest. 

Toshiro shrugged, "I guess you'll have to open it and find out."

Yukio’s curiosity was certainly piqued, but he had a difficult time bending to what Toshiro wanted him to do, no matter how insignificant. Though, he supposed he had been texting him for several days, and not because  _ he  _ wanted to. So, Yukio rolled his eyes and lifted the corner of the lid, glancing inside. But when he actually perceived the sheer  _ number  _ of chocolates in the box, he had to open it entirely. He knew the box seemed rather deep just for a standard assortment of chocolate, but expected there to just be one layer supported by a plastic bottom or something of the sort. But the  _ entire box  _ was full of different, assorted chocolates - three layers of them separated by parchment paper. “There has to be a hundred pieces of chocolate in here. What the  _ hell  _ is wrong with you?” he exclaimed, still investigating the overwhelming variety. 

"You weren't very specific," Toshiro said with a sly grin. 

“So you got me a three-month supply? Yes, that’s completely reasonable,” Yukio shot as he closed the box again, looking up to meet vibrant teal eyes that actually made his heart skip. He quickly looked away, crossing his right leg over his left and folding his hands on his knee. 

Toshiro propped his arm against the door and leaned on his fist as he calmly regarded him. "I never expected you to want all of that, but I wanted to be certain to get you something you  _ actually  _ enjoyed. I figured you'd eat what you wanted and you'd be more detailed in exactly what that was in the future. Because if I give you a gift, Yukio, I'm not doing so because I feel I need to - I'm doing so because I want to make you feel happy and appreciated. Which means knowing you well enough to give you something you legitimately like and not some empty gesture. Which means you giving me a bit more to go on - or getting used to an excessive number of options."

_ One  _ thing Toshiro said completely blocked out every other word Yukio heard, and he immediately felt like a cornered dog with its hackles raised. “You’ll  _ never  _ know me,” he almost growled, fully turning his head to face the window. He forced his posture to maintain itself, not showing an ounce of the insecurity and fear that boiled just beneath the surface of his skin. If he was lucky, this evening would pass quickly. He could only hope this was worth it in the end, because it was beginning to feel like Toshiro just wasn’t meant to be his next opportunity for a good time with someone new. 

Toshiro’s eyes softened a bit as he murmured, "That's entirely up to you, Yukio. I'd like to, but I would never pressure you. I know you're a very private person, that you distance yourself from most everyone. I don't really care. I enjoy our conversations, and I enjoy being with you - before when we danced and now. But if you don't at least narrow down what chocolate you actually enjoy, just get used to continuing to receive a three month supply."

Yukio very slightly shook his head, the movement barely perceptible. “You make a lot of assumptions thinking this will still be going on in three months,” he muttered. He leaned even further toward the door, absolutely hating how exposed and vulnerable he felt. 

"Why on Earth would I wait another three months to give you another gift? If you don't tell me anything else about what you like, that's what you're getting every time I see you," Toshiro said, biting his lip slightly so he didn't grin. 

Yukio didn’t even have room in his mind for amusement at the comment. How often did Toshiro think this was going to happen? Really, if he was this happy just having returned text messages and one date, Yukio was just as content to keep texting him and never ask him out again until he was sure he was getting what he was actually digging for. He had to keep reminding himself of that - that he was just in it for fantastic sex with a gorgeous man - because if he lost sight of it for even a moment, his heart would start to believe Toshiro’s implication that they were actually dating. 

But Yukio didn’t want that. He didn’t want all the depth of conversation and emotions that implied. As soon as he had lured Toshiro in enough to get him in bed, he was finished. He’d wash his hands of the whole thing and never look back. 

* * *

When they arrived at a high-end French-inspired restaurant, Yukio insisted on keeping as much distance from Toshiro as possible. He certainly didn’t want others thinking they were actually a couple. Once they were seated, he began to question why he even suggested this in the first place. They were sure to continue sitting in awkward silence for the entire evening, and he could barely look Toshiro in the eyes without his heart doing flips in his chest. He tapped his fingers impatiently on the table as they waited for the server to return with their drinks and take their order, occasionally eyeing Toshiro in the corner of his field of vision.

Toshiro looked over the menu - which was also French even if it wasn't written  _ in  _ French - and sighed. It was all cursive text with only names of courses and no pictures. Looking over towards Yukio, who had barely needed to glance at his own menu before deciding, he tentatively asked, "I don't suppose you would mind explaining to me what these dishes actually are? I'm not familiar - I eat out very rarely and have honestly never had authentic French food."

Yukio looked over at Toshiro with a rather haughty smirk. “I suppose I’ll have to unless you trust me enough to just let me order for you,” he replied.

Toshiro considered him for a moment before returning the smirk, "Honestly, I feel that may be a bit of a coin toss, depending upon if you felt like messing with me. How about you explain and then give me your opinion on what I should have - that way I actually learn as well. I'll remember, you won't need to repeat yourself."

Yukio rolled his eyes and slapped his hand down on Toshiro’s menu, quickly going over everything listed and giving his basic opinion of what he had tried before. He hoped the ridiculous man didn’t think this was in any way romantic. It was actually a painful obligation, as Yukio had hoped Toshiro was cultured enough to know these things. As he sat back, he took only a moment to take in Toshiro’s pleased expression as he looked over the menu again, this time with comprehension as he considered. For some reason, it actually made a small grin curve Yukio’s lips.

When their server returned with their drinks, Toshiro was confident he understood what everything actually was on the menu. He spoke confidently, pronouncing each word exactly how Yukio had said them. He'd always had a rather eidetic memory, only needing something demonstrated once. He'd cut his years in college in half that way and started at sixteen besides. There weren't many successful business men at the age of twenty-one but Toshiro had grown his own startup all the way through college. He'd worked hard and it had paid off. That was just his nature, really - he was extremely diligent and perceptive. He looked for the same traits in the people he admired and he could see both in Yukio, as much as he attempted to hide them. 

Yukio was somewhat impressed by Toshiro’s fluency after just one explanation of the foreign words on the menu, but he quelled that feeling  _ quickly.  _ This was just for a one night stand, and nothing more. And really, if this went on for more than a few weeks, he was convinced that he would  _ have  _ to go back to the club and drag one of his usual prospects away for more than just a few hours. Because even looking at Toshiro had his blood running a bit hot, and hearing him so confidently speaking  _ French,  _ even if it was just to order food, was unbearably sexy. Still, he said nothing. He had spoken more than enough that night already, between the unnerving car ride and teaching Toshiro the menu.

When the server left, Toshiro focused on Yukio again, noting he looked slightly flushed and more than a little brooding. Toshiro felt that small smile appearing on his face again at how adorable he found Yukio to be as he commented, "When you explained the menu, the accent you used didn't sound forced at all - natural even. Are you fluent in French?" 

“I speak some. I took a combined six years in school and studied abroad to France in college. I don’t have a reason to speak it, so I’m not as fluent as I once was. But I could probably still communicate well enough,” Yukio replied, the answer coming rather easily. He was still very much put off by just how much his mouth tended to run when he was talking to Toshiro.

Toshiro smiled, "I'd really like to travel abroad like that some day. And France especially. I've just never had the time - to travel or devote to learning an additional language. I graduated college at eighteen and have spent most hours of my days growing my own startup. It's to the point now where I'm able to delegate effectively and I have a bit more free time. Perhaps I'll learn French. Would you help me practice?"

“You’ve got to be kidding. You do know we’re not actually dating, right? Did you miss what happened the night we met? I know you’re very clear on how I operate,” Yukio retorted, not even meriting the question with a proper response. Toshiro really seemed to be digging, trying to  _ actually  _ get close, and Yukio was growing ever more uncomfortable. 

"I was clear as well that night, Yukio," Toshiro murmured. "And you know how  _ I _ operate. Yet you still asked for my number." He glanced around a bit before focusing back on Yukio, "And this sure feels like a date. If you're not comfortable with that, it's fine, I understand. But until you actually tell me you don't want me to engage with you, I'm going to keep treating you like we  _ are _ dating."

Yukio’s confidence faltered a bit. He couldn’t deny he was actually enjoying conversing with Toshiro. He hadn’t had a real conversation with anyone other than Riruka in far too long. Still, he was determined to  _ not  _ have feelings for Toshiro. It didn’t make sense. He never had before. He had absolutely  _ no  _ emotional attachment to anyone else he had been with, and he was fine with that. It made for a clean break that allowed him to move on with his life without ever worrying about judgment or pain. He gave a quick glance around them and leaned in, lowering his voice as he said, “I asked for your number so I could play along and eventually have sex with you. I have no intention of ever having feelings for you.”

Toshiro’s heart fell and teal eyes hardened just a bit. He had known that this was likely Yukio’s goal, and that Yukio believed it himself, but he'd hoped there was more in there. With how defensive the other acted, he was almost certain there was. It really just depended upon how stubborn Yukio was going to be about keeping his distance. Either way, Toshiro still did enjoy his company and was willing to see what Yukio would try, convinced he'd be able to tell if the other man ever developed  _ real  _ feelings for him. 

"Playing along won't work on me," Toshiro said quietly. "Did you think I was somehow exaggerating before? That if you simply gave me enough attention I'd gladly just give you what you wanted." Toshiro shook his head, "I don't know if you remember every person you've been with - or if you even know the number. I do. And do you know what that number is, Yukio?" Toshiro asked, teal eyes flashing a bit. He couldn't help but be frustrated that the other honestly thought such a thing would work on him.

Yukio shook his head, nonverbally answering what actually seemed to be a rhetorical question, taken aback by Toshiro’s sudden change in demeanor. It was just like that night in the club. He had gone from shy and reserved to completely taking control, and it unnerved Yukio to no end. He was so accustomed to having the upper hand, commanding those he used and feeling no guilt about it whatsoever. But Toshiro was actually keeping to his claims, standing up for what he had initially told him. He had never been faced with someone like him, but he wasn’t one to give up. He was sure, eventually he would learn how Toshiro really worked and be able to exploit his weaknesses. He just wasn’t sure how much time he would allow, because he was becoming quite invested in the challenge.

"Zero." Toshiro said quietly, teal eyes piercing and serious. "I've only felt enough for three people in my life to actually want them in the way you're interested in, and not a single one wanted me that way. I  _ like  _ you, Yukio - I enjoy your company, your caustic humor, your general lack of false politeness. And you're also stunningly beautiful. But I know what false affection looks and feels like and you won't succeed that way. 

"Perhaps I wasn't clear enough before but I hope I am now. If you want me that way, I need to be convinced you actually return my feelings - because I refuse to be used, Yukio. I actually do realize that this may not be something you're willing to do. I understand. It's a lot to ask and there's a reason I'm unattached. I don't judge you at all for how you have lived your life. If it works for you, that's all that matters. But I  _ can't  _ just give you what you want from me like that and watch you leave. It would hurt me, terribly. Honestly, I'll already be sad if you never want to see me again after tonight."

Yukio took a moment to really comprehend what Toshiro was telling him. It was a bit overwhelming, if he was honest. He had  _ never  _ met someone like Toshiro. Someone who literally didn’t feel sexual attraction at all, even if he thought someone was attractive and willing. But really, through everything he heard, he still didn’t understand one thing. “Then  _ why?”  _ He hoped Toshiro understood all the implications of the question. Why did he choose to dance with someone who was clearly looking for a one night stand? Why did he give him his number? Why did he actually respond when Yukio finally decided to text him? None of it made sense, and Yukio really wanted to know what was going on in Toshiro’s mind when all of this happened, because it really wasn’t adding up.

Toshiro’s expression softened, the small smile returning to his face as he answered honestly, "You didn't give me much choice but to dance with you, but I wanted to anyway. Because you're gorgeous, Yukio. I was completely captivated by you that night. As for continuing afterwards - that's simple. Because when I told you what I needed to have in order to be sexually attracted to you, you didn't once look at me like I was broken somehow. You just accepted it and asked for my number. And I've never regretted giving it to you."

Yukio accepted what was a highly expected response, but he was still convinced that he had only asked for Toshiro’s number for the prospect of having sex with him. Despite the certainty he thought existed in that thought, though, he found himself rather discouraged. He looked at Toshiro, meeting the teal eyes he had been avoiding nearly all evening. At the kind, soft expression on Toshiro’s face, he sighed. This man really was serious, and he was likely the most genuine person he had ever met. “Then I guess I’ll have to try this  _ feelings  _ thing.”

Expecting a far more biting response, Toshiro abruptly laughed, though the sound was quiet. He quickly stifled it as their food arrived but he couldn't keep the lingering smile from his face nor the fondness from his eyes. Yukio sounded so resigned when he'd said it, and Toshiro found that it pulled on his heart that Yukio really had never cared for anyone before. 

And that, likely, no one had ever cared for him. 

Toshiro was definitely getting there though. And he was becoming more convinced that, deep down, that's something Yukio actually  _ did  _ want. He just hoped the other was ready to face and admit to that someday. 

* * *

_ Next Saturday it will have been three months since we met and I gave you my number.  _

Toshiro avoided using the words ‘started dating’ because he knew that would only make Yukio unnecessarily defensive - even if it was completely true. At least to Toshiro. 

_ Have you run out of chocolate yet? _

Yukio didn’t even have to glance at his phone. He had set a special text tone for Toshiro weeks ago because he was tired of perking up just for it to be Riruka asking when he was coming back to the club scene. Thank goodness Toshiro never had a way to find out about that, because he surely would have read into the action. But it was just for the sake of knowing who was texting him, not some cheesy romantic gesture. He did chuckle a bit when he saw the messages though. 

_ Yes, I ran out of chocolate two weeks ago. I didn’t think you needed an update on that. And yes, I can read a calendar. You’re not going to make a big deal out of this, are you? _

Toshiro chuckled a bit.

_ I’ll be sure to add seventeen percent more this time then, so that it will adequately last the entire three months. And - small deal at most. I’d like your driver to drop you off next Saturday. I think it’s past time I take a turn at making plans for when we see each other. _

Yukio actually laughed at that, because he knew if he didn’t refuse it, Toshiro was serious. He always was. No suggestion he ever made was a lie, even if it was presented as a joke. It had taken quite a bit of time - really, several weeks was  _ a lot  _ for Yukio - for him to get used to just how genuinely kind and honest Toshiro was, but it was overtly clear that none of it was an act. 

_ Fine. But if it turns into a big deal, I’m leaving.  _

Toshiro grinned. He had an idea, and it really wasn’t a big deal…  _ for him.  _ But he didn’t think, at least at this point, that it would actually send Yukio running. 

He was definitely going to pretend to hate every minute though.

And Toshiro couldn’t wait.

Toshiro met Yukio outside as his driver opened the door for him. He’d requested Yukio to dress casually… and he supposed he had, for Yukio. What he wore was  _ simple, _ at least, plain black pants, comfortable shoes, and his usual jacket - even though the air was no longer cold, being the last weekend of March. But Toshiro could tell everything was designer and very expensive. He idly wondered if Yukio even owned anything else.

“You should come in for a minute. We’re not staying in the house but I need to grab something and you’ll want to leave your coat,” Toshiro commented as Yukio’s driver departed. 

Yukio sighed rather heavily, trudging up the steps to the front door and not even acknowledging Toshiro as he passed him.  _ Still,  _ he held onto the illusion that this was just for sex, so he had no reason to greet him as though this was a friendly, voluntary visit. In three months, he hadn’t even been inside Toshiro’s house. He’d had no reason to. He had to admit he was curious, though, and his eyes began to wander as soon as he was inside. 

The vaulted ceiling and elaborate light fixture in the entryway caught his attention first, and led smoothly into an open floor plan. Though, all he could see from where he stood was a tastefully decorated living room. It was obvious that Toshiro had good taste, or he had hired someone who did. Nothing in the house looked out of place or oddly mismatched, and Yukio had a disconcerting feeling of actually  _ liking  _ it. 

Toshiro followed him with that same small, fond smile at his actions, amused when he let himself in without a word. Toshiro followed him, and after shutting the door behind them, he placed his hands lightly upon his shoulders and asked softly, “May I hang up your coat for you, Yukio?”

Yukio quickly shrugged out of his coat, really just to rid himself of the shiver that resulted every time Toshiro touched him. It was never often, and it was always short-lived, casual contact, but he knew if he focused on it for too long, he would definitely want to violate the terms he had agreed to, because it really only served to remind him just how attracted he was to Toshiro. And if he let his mind linger on that feeling, he knew he would end up back at the club if Toshiro still wasn’t receptive. 

Toshiro accepted the coat, hanging it up and leaving quickly to retrieve a plain backpack from the kitchen where he’d left it. He slung one of the straps over his shoulder and rejoined Yukio in the entry hall. “I suppose asking if you actually wanted a tour wouldn’t be well received?”

Yukio gave him what had become a half-hearted glare, not nearly as genuine as it had been at the beginning of this venture. “I don’t plan to be here often enough to need to know where anything is in this house besides the bedroom,” he replied, really just to see how Toshiro would respond to such slights at this point. 

“That would be a rather short tour. Although, I would recommend at least adding on the bathroom to that list,” Toshiro replied with an amused smile. “And if you  _ really _ wanted, I could show you quick,” Toshiro said, wondering how Yukio would react to such an easy acceptance. It wasn’t as if  _ showing _ him the room meant anything would happen in there anyway.

Yukio shook his head, heat rising to his cheeks at the suggestion. If the two of them made it to the bedroom, he would be far too tempted to actually try something. He almost constantly wanted to back the man into any available wall when they were alone, which thankfully wasn’t often. “No, I’m much more curious about why you’re bringing a backpack to wherever it is we’re going,” he said, his bright emerald eyes finding the only distraction. 

Toshiro didn’t respond other than to move around him to reopen the door. He glanced back, holding out his hand for Yukio to take. “I guess you’ll have to come with me and find out. And, before you flat-out refuse, taking my hand and allowing me to hold yours is the only way I’m doing this with you.”

Yukio actually grimaced at Toshiro’s hand. In three months, Toshiro had never insisted on keeping contact with him, and Yukio feared the consequences. Perhaps he could control himself for one day. He wouldn’t know unless he tried, and if this was the last straw, so be it. He wasn’t supposed to be invested in this relationship anyway. So, he firmly took Toshiro’s hand and looked up to him, his eyes narrowed and his lips contorted into a sneer. 

Toshiro returned the look with that same small, fond smile and led him outside. He didn’t even go to the drive, other than to walk beside it along the front of his house. He continued to lead Yukio, the path second-nature to his own feet as he often walked his property, several times a week, since moving here. He loved living here, the peace, the quiet. He glanced back at Yukio every once in a while, but never met his eyes. He was really just enjoying being able to hold his hand like this as they walked, the tree line of the forest that was just beyond his back yard steadily approaching. 

Yukio lightly huffed and rolled his eyes as he realized what was going on. He supposed this wasn’t really making a big deal of things, but it  _ was  _ disturbingly romantic. He was still stubbornly convinced that he didn’t  _ do  _ relationships, and up until then he had himself convinced that he was content with loneliness. None of it was ever worth the risk. But, alone with Toshiro, doing something as simple as holding his hand with no expectations attached besides peaceful companionship, he was beginning to think there might be an exception. 

Toshiro easily found the small trail at the edge of the treeline, though it was hardly noticeable, having only his own footsteps to have trodden the path. He tried not to squeeze Yukio’s hand at the thought of there being  _ two _ sets now. 

He had never expected Yukio to hold on this long for him, to wait as he slowly developed feelings for the defensive man. But Toshiro had seen glimpses of what was underneath that well-maintained wall and slowly, he couldn’t help but fall for him. He already wanted to spend most of his time with Yukio, and he genuinely cared about him. He knew far more about him than Yukio probably realized. Toshiro was extremely observant and his mind never lost a detail when he wanted to remember it… Oftentimes when he  _ didn’t _ want to remember as well. 

He’d worked out all of Yukio’s favorite foods without him explicitly telling him. And with his growing feelings, he wanted to be physically nearer to him as well. It felt better than he wanted to admit, simply holding his hand - and now remembering holding him back at the club sent a warm rush of desire coursing through him. He hadn’t really allowed Yukio to see it, still wary if the other would leave as soon as he finally gave in to what he wanted. He was certain Yukio had feelings for him, but he was also certain Yukio wasn’t remotely ready to admit that to himself. After all, Toshiro could tell the difference, and wouldn’t have fallen for him otherwise. Toshiro was convinced now that they’d actually be great for each other… He just hoped that, eventually, Yukio would believe that as well.

He led them to a clearing upon a ridge, where he often would walk in order to better see the sky. It also offered a view of the rest of the forest spread out around them. The house was visible, but everything else was a sea of trees, and Toshiro liked that he could pretend that this was all there was in the world, at least for a little while. He felt so relaxed here and he was hoping some of that feeling helped to settle Yukio. 

He squeezed his hand slightly before releasing it, taking his bag from his shoulder and opening it. There was a blanket on top that he shook out to lay upon the ground over the soft grass. Containers of food followed as well as plates and utensils, and two bottles of water. He sat upon the blanket himself before finally meeting Yukio’s eyes, holding his hand out for him to take, wanting him to be near him.

Yukio watched critically as Toshiro put out the spread and sat down. He considered just sitting on the opposite side of the blanket and not bothering indulging Toshiro’s request to take his hand. But when he met his eyes, he had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling. Yukio really wasn’t sure why he was still being so defensive around Toshiro. The man had shown nothing but kindness and acceptance toward him, despite the fact that he had done nothing to deserve it. With a light sigh, he took Toshiro’s hand again.

Toshiro felt a rush of warm fondness as Yukio actually took his hand again and he gently tugged him to sit beside him. He barely refrained from wrapping his arm around his petite form and pulling him into his side but he allowed practicality to curb that instinct. Afterall, it was annoyingly difficult to actually eat with only the use of one hand. He passed Yukio a plate, opening each container, watching him discreetly for his reactions as he said quietly, “I hope I didn’t do too terrible of a job, I hadn’t actually made some of this before, but I think it came out alright…”

Yukio suppressed a gasp when he realized that Toshiro had actually gone through the effort of putting together many of his favorite foods, some of which weren’t exactly simple to prepare. He forced himself to keep a small amount of distance between himself and Toshiro, but really he  _ wanted  _ to hug him, thank him,  _ something _ \- but he just couldn’t get himself to show that amount of appreciation. He really couldn’t help but stare at the food, though, frozen in place with his plate in his hand. Somehow, even though he hadn’t even told him these things, Toshiro had  _ noticed.  _ That first time they had texted each other, he hadn’t been joking. He noted every single thing that brought Yukio even a flash of satisfaction.

Toshiro quietly filled his own plate as he watched Yukio…  _ process. _ There was a lot of conflict behind those beautiful emerald eyes and Toshiro was torn between feeling happy that Yukio was likely fighting against his own feelings and pained that he was under any stress at all. He didn’t know exactly why feeling  _ anything _ positive for  _ anyone _ was so difficult for Yukio to accept but he wanted to help him, somehow. All he could really do though was continue to care for him, in the small ways Yukio allowed, until he realized he was  _ worth _ caring for.

“Do you want me to fill your plate for you, Yukio?” Toshiro asked gently after a full minute of the other remaining quite paralyzed. He was very near taking him into his arms but he knew that the action may have a very negative result on Yukio. 

Yukio nodded, cursing the fact that he was actually shaking a bit.  _ No one  _ had ever done anything like this for him. Toshiro’s small gifts over the months were fine. None of them had ever really elicited any kind of emotional response from Yukio. It was easy to ignore the small glimpse of caring kindness when it was so easily put out of sight. But  _ this…  _ This was highly personal, taking what he liked - the variety of food, the solitary location giving them privacy - and actually giving him an  _ experience.  _ A memory he would have forever. He honestly didn’t know if he could accept that. 

“I don’t… I really don’t know what to do right now,” he admitted, his voice shrinking from its usual confident sting.

Toshiro gently took the plate from his shaking hands, setting it aside. He really couldn’t stand not comforting him any longer. There was no reason for Yukio to go through this alone - not when Toshiro  _ wanted _ to be here for him. 

_ With _ him.

With very slow movements, Toshiro pulled Yukio into his arms until he was settled upon his lap, against his chest. He wrapped his arms around him, holding him as he pressed gentle kisses against the soft, fine blonde hair. “You don’t  _ have _ to do anything, Yukio,” Toshiro murmured. 

Yukio was completely overwhelmed, his mind reeling with just how much emotion was actually bombarding him right now. And now Toshiro was holding him…  _ kissing  _ him. And all he had room in his heart for was completely overwhelming  _ happiness.  _ He leaned into Toshiro’s chest, taking deep, shuddering breaths as he tried to sort through what he was feeling and what was actually happening here. Because it really felt like his mind was completely betraying him, admitting that he actually  _ did  _ have feelings for Toshiro, despite everything he had tried to tell himself. He could no longer ignore the pounding of his heart and the almost completely foreign sensations of joy and pleasure that had nothing to do with sex.

He had fallen for Toshiro.

There was something that changed in the way Yukio held himself and Toshiro comforted him. He seemed to melt into his hold when before he was still entirely tense. His breathing was also calming and Toshiro threaded his fingers through his fine blonde hair before bringing his hand down to tilt his chin upwards, looking into those beautiful emerald eyes. “Yukio?” he murmured, not certain exactly how to phrase his question. He  _ obviously _ wasn’t completely okay but…  _ something _ was different now.

Yukio shook his head and clenched his eyes shut, burying his face in Toshiro’s chest as he did. He was on the verge of tears, and he really didn’t want to cry.  _ That  _ was the ultimate form of weakness, and he refused to show that. But he was beginning to think that if Toshiro kept on with his insistent comfort, he wouldn’t have much choice. He had never felt like this before, and this was exactly why he avoided it. He  _ hated  _ being vulnerable.

“Yukio…” Toshiro murmured, lightly petting down his back with one hand as the other stayed wrapped tight around his thin waist. “It’s okay. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. Take all the time you need…” His heart ached for the man in his arms but he really couldn’t help him other than give him all the comfort he was able and make sure he knew he was there for him. He continued to gently kiss the soft blonde hair as Yukio stayed buried into his chest. Even so upset, he still fit against him perfectly, and Toshiro’s heart was demanding he do something to bring him happiness again. There just wasn’t anything all that obvious he could actually  _ do. _

He moved his legs to push away some of the containers so that he had enough room to lay upon the blanket, holding Yukio on top of him, still against his chest. He was then able to use both hands to rub soothingly upon his back and card through his hair, continuing to murmur that he was here for him, that he wasn’t going to leave him, that he  _ never _ wanted to.

When he realized the position they were in, Yukio froze. How had they gone from little to no physical contact to  _ this  _ in a matter of less than half an hour? Toshiro was holding him, murmuring reassurances into his hair as he kissed him,  _ laying down _ with Yukio on top of him. Since  _ when  _ was this acceptable to Toshiro? But really, Yukio, for once in his life - or so it seemed - didn’t have much interest in trying to take advantage of the situation. The sudden rush of emotion had captured his mind and body in a way nothing ever had before.

Toshiro  _ cared about him.  _ In a way that no one else ever had. Toshiro really had  _ no idea  _ just how deprived Yukio had been of affection. And receiving it now, after all the small gestures and real evidence that Toshiro actually felt something for him was something he didn’t feel at all prepared to face. He had no time to prepare himself for the onslaught of relief that Toshiro really  _ wasn’t  _ going anywhere. Like Yukio had  _ so many times  _ to avoid ever feeling anything for anyone. His breaths were becoming a bit shallow as he held back from crying, because he knew once it started it would be much too long before it stopped. He had been withholding this for  _ years.  _

Toshiro could tell Yukio was on the verge of crying from the way his breathing stuttered and hitched. He didn’t really  _ want _ him to cry, but it seemed obvious to him that he may  _ need  _ to. “It’s alright to let go, Yukio,” Toshiro murmured, “Whatever you need to do, I’ll be here, and I won’t think any differently about you. I…” Toshiro’s own words fled as he realized what he’d been about to say. It was true - but would Yukio accept his feelings? 

He’d admitted his feelings before… multiple times now… and never were they returned.  _ That’s _ what he was most scared of.  _ He _ was certain Yukio cared for him, maybe even loved him, but telling Yukio of his own feelings at the wrong moment could cause him to completely shut down or worse, use those feelings in the moment and then run. But as Yukio all but broke down in his arms, he was having a very difficult time not simply being honest with him. He was being  _ so _ vulnerable, showing this to Toshiro, allowing himself to actually feel.

Maybe… He owed him the same trust in return. Maybe it would help him to see Toshiro just as vulnerable, just as exposed.

At that thought, Toshiro didn’t think he really had a choice. It was a risk but… 

Yukio was worth it.

He tilted Yukio’s face, having to put a little force behind his hold on his chin, so that Yukio’s conflicted and overwhelmed emerald eyes met his own. Toshiro took a steady breath and though his voice was quiet, it was also certain and sincere, “Yukio, nothing you say or do at this point could change how I feel for you. I love you.”

Before a thought even crossed Yukio’s mind, tears began to fall. No one in his  _ entire life  _ had said those words to him.  _ Ever.  _ His first instinct was to run. Get as far away from this depth of feeling as he could, because it frightened him to no end. But Toshiro’s voice… the certainty and complete honesty in his eyes… This was  _ real  _ to him. He really couldn’t fathom it, after all the hell Yukio had given him, never returning any of the kindness he was given and never showing any interest in a relationship, stubbornly keeping up the facade that this was just for sex, Toshiro was saying he  _ loved  _ him? 

Yukio braced his hands on Toshiro’s chest, pushing himself up and slowly moving to sit next to him, breaking eye contact as he turned away and pulled his knees up to his chest. He found that he really didn’t want to leave, though. As much as his instincts told him to abort this ridiculous task and go back to the comfortable distance he had maintained with the world, he couldn’t seem to move. Tears still escaped from his eyes, but he didn’t really feel them. He felt  _ lost.  _ Like he didn’t even know himself anymore. “I can’t… I don’t know… what to do,” he finally forced his voice from his tight throat, but he knew the words wouldn’t do anything but make things worse.

Toshiro sat up, not touching him again but keeping himself very close and his arms determinedly at his sides though he wanted to pull him to him again. It had to be Yukio’s decision now to do so. But, he was still here - he hadn’t run - which Toshiro only considered a positive sign that  _ maybe _ he could accept this.

“Again,” Toshiro said softly, “Yukio, you don’t  _ have _ to do anything. But, if you’re asking me what I  _ want _ you to do - if you want direction because you feel lost and can’t decide for yourself - I just want you to  _ let _ me love you.”

Yukio was growing ever more frustrated with the fact that it seemed like he couldn’t stop crying. He knew it would happen like this. It had been countless years - at least a decade - since he had cried like this. He still wanted to leave, but his body wasn’t obeying. He was trapped in his own mind, trying to sort through what all of this meant. It meant Toshiro thought he was worth it, somehow. “I’m going to end up hurting you. I can’t… I just  _ can’t…”  _ Yukio didn’t even know how he was supposed to end that sentence. There was a lot he didn’t feel prepared to do. He turned glassy, narrowed emerald eyes to Toshiro. “I can’t trust you. I can’t be in a relationship. I can’t let you get close to me. I can’t risk  _ everything  _ I’ve built to keep people  _ out.  _ I  _ can’t  _ love anyone,” he let all the things he feared spill from his mouth, and that wasn’t even everything. Really, those things only scratched the surface.

Toshiro held his gaze - he already knew this is what Yukio firmly believed. He was also certain he  _ could  _ do all those things. Perhaps not now, in this moment, or even in the near future… But none of that mattered anyway. Because… "Yukio, I know you can hurt me, but you matter more to me than that risk. I'm not asking you to do any of those things. I just want you to let  _ me  _ love  _ you.  _ I'm not asking you to do anything more or different than you have the past three months. 

"That's all. I just… don't want to be rejected. The rest I'd be glad to receive if you are ever willing to give them… Your trust, your love… I would cherish both but I'll never demand either from you." He held his arms open slightly, teal eyes gentle and pleading, "Please, Yukio… I'm not asking anything  _ from  _ you, I just want to give you  _ myself."  _ Because even though he didn't say it - knowing Yukio couldn't accept it, not yet - Toshiro not only loved him, he  _ trusted  _ him not to simply use him. 

Yukio’s eyes widened, but just as suddenly narrowed again. “Do you mean… I don’t think you mean what I’m thinking,” he said quietly, looking over Toshiro’s open posture, inviting him back into his arms. Surely he meant some watered down version of giving ‘himself,’ like giving affection or reassurances as he had been. Because if he admitted to wanting to have sex with him, Yukio felt like he would likely attack the man on the spot. Really, doing something familiar would ease his mind, bring him out of this unnerving bout of confusion and overwhelming.

"If you can accept that  _ I  _ love  _ you…  _ If you won't reject me after… You already have my heart, Yukio. And you're never really out of my thoughts. There's only one part left of myself I haven't freely given you - I couldn't give you, before…" Toshiro trailed off, a blush coming to his face as he thought of what Yukio was getting at. After all, he'd never actually given himself that way to  _ anyone  _ before. He didn't move though, his arms remaining open. He was a bit scared - terrified really - that Yukio may still simply leave, but he  _ knew _ Yukio cared about him, and  _ at least  _ didn't want to hurt him. So he could give him this. He'd be lying if he said he didn't want Yukio, anyway. 

So, he  _ did  _ mean what Yukio was thinking, and Yukio couldn’t stop the absolutely pleased grin from coming to his face. He didn’t even think before turning to move into Toshiro’s open arms, his hands instinctively coming to the back of Toshiro’s neck with one buried in his hair before he quickly claimed his mouth in a heated, desperate kiss. When warmth immediately flooded his body, he closed his eyes and gave a quiet hum of satisfaction.

Toshiro had been kissed before - but he'd never really felt anything from the experience, never having been in love with the person kissing him. This was entirely different. Yukio clearly knew exactly what he was doing, but more than that was the fact that  _ Yukio  _ was doing it. He immediately melted into him, arms wrapped around his slight form and hands clutching at the back of Yukio’s shirt. Heat flooded his body, causing him to respond instantly to the man in his arms, and Toshiro moaned brokenly into his kiss. 

A chill ran down Yukio’s spine at the sound, and he parted his lips to allow his tongue to swipe at Toshiro’s mouth,  _ needing  _ to taste him. He needed to know this was really happening, because he had held out for three months, waiting for this man. He would have  _ never  _ done this for anyone else. He would have never suffered through all the romantic nonsense. He would have never even accepted that someone needed  _ feelings  _ to do this in the first place. But this was Toshiro. And it seemed that his heart thought Toshiro was different. 

The only exception.

As Yukio swiped his tongue at his lips, Toshiro obediently opened his own with a gasp. Yukio didn't seem to need any more of an invitation before claiming his mouth with his skilled tongue. Toshiro gripped him tighter, his entire body trembling as he was flooded with waves of heat and pleasure. The feelings were so rare to him that it was a bit overwhelming. He couldn't stop the constant sounds coming from him and he could feel himself growing hard under the assault of pleasure on his body. He likely wanted Yukio as much as the other man wanted him in this moment as he completely surrendered to Yukio’s motions as he kissed him, following as easily as he had when they danced. 

Yukio couldn’t help the quick progression on his own pleasure as Toshiro allowed him complete control, just as anyone else did. It made Yukio comfortable, knowing he could have his way with the man he was with, because giving up the authority over himself just wasn’t something he did. As much as he wanted to continue, though, he was made sharply aware that they were outside, and not at all prepared to do this. 

He wanted Toshiro -  _ three months ago  _ \- but he wasn’t about to risk hurting him. He may not have cared about the emotions of the men he had been with, but he had never left a single one physically damaged. So he broke off their kiss, pulling Toshiro’s face back from his gently with his hold on his hair. “We’re not doing this out here,” he said definitively, “As much as I want to, and as fucking sexy as you sound right now, I’m not going to hurt you  _ like that,  _ especially knowing it’s your first time.”

Toshiro groaned but nodded, knowing he was right but that didn't stop the overwhelming feeling of fondness and love he felt at Yukio’s concern for him. He panted, breathing heavily labored, teal eyes half-lidded and hazy as he focused on Yukio, taking in his own clearly affected state as Yukio still held him in place with the tight grip in his hair. "So gorgeous," he whispered. He tried to steady his breathing, to calm himself, but it seemed a bit impossible with the flood of love mixed with desire that kept flowing through his body as he gazed at Yukio. He had to close his eyes to even attempt to calm himself, still panting from the most pleasurable thing he'd ever experienced in his life thus far - and all Yukio had done was  _ kiss _ him. 

Yukio was well aware that Toshiro was already completely out of his depth, but he refused to act on the fact that the man was clearly having a hard time calming down. Yukio had waited three months. He could wait another hour. So he eased himself away from Toshiro, which was actually rather difficult since the other man didn’t seem to want to let him go. “I just want to sit next to you. You made all this food, and now it’s probably cold but I’m not going to let it go to waste after how much time you probably put into it. Then we can go inside and continue where we left off,” he explained. 

He was actually surprised at how easily Toshiro had surrendered to him. After holding out for so long, he expected there to be some hesitance, especially since Yukio had admitted that he still never felt like he could love him or allow him any closer to him emotionally than he already was. Now Toshiro was all but throwing himself at him, which was exactly what Yukio had wanted, but it still made him a bit anxious, because… he honestly hadn’t decided whether he was going to stay.

Toshiro finally allowed Yukio to slip from his hold but he stayed leaned against him slightly. He couldn't help but feel like Yukio was taking care of him, even wanting to actually eat what Toshiro had made for him before claiming what he'd waited three months to claim. He knew Yukio likely didn't see it that way but that's how Toshiro’s heart translated it. With his eyes still closed, his breathing finally steadied and he couldn't keep the ridiculously content smile from his lips. As much as Yukio  _ said  _ what he  _ couldn't  _ do, he  _ was  _ taking care of him, and he cared about if he hurt him. Toshiro pressed a kiss to his cheek before reaching to grab the abandoned plates, handing Yukio back his own. Toshiro wasn't really all that hungry anymore, too overwhelmed himself emotionally and his stomach knotted in anticipation, but he picked at his food, knowing he  _ should  _ eat. 

Yukio couldn’t stop glancing at Toshiro as he served himself, realizing what a state he was still in. Observant emerald eyes caught the fact that he wasn’t eating, and for some reason part of him wasn’t exactly approving of that. Yukio gave him a moment, sitting and keeping contact with him - really not having a choice since Toshiro was leaning on him - as he ate. “Even cold, this is really good. If you don’t eat, though, we can’t go inside,” Yukio teased. He didn’t want to admit that he was actually  _ concerned,  _ because that would suggest an attachment he wasn’t ready to own up to, so he kept to his usual humor, though even he had to admit it wasn’t very subtle at this point.

Toshiro blinked, his heart skipping a beat at the seemingly teasing comment - because Yukio had never shown concern over his eating habits before. His smile grew and he nodded, starting to actually eat his food. He also couldn't help but feel pleased that Yukio liked his cooking. He definitely wouldn't have praised it, even in passing, if he didn't. 

Yukio discreetly moved his eyes back to his own plate when Toshiro actually started eating. He honestly didn’t know why he cared. Whether Toshiro ate or not, Yukio was getting what he wanted today. That was really what mattered here. But when he finished eating and picked up a bottle of water, he shocked even himself when he unthinkingly leaned into Toshiro, his head resting on his shoulder. When he realized what his body had done without his consent, he straightened immediately, setting himself to closing the food containers and packing them away while Toshiro finished eating.

When Yukio had rested his head on his shoulder - for no reason other than to seemingly be closer to him - Toshiro felt his heart race and pound in his chest. It hadn't lasted long, Yukio seeming to realize what he'd done and immediately started packing up - but he'd still  _ done  _ it. 

Toshiro quickly finished his own food before helping him pack, slinging the bag back over his shoulder. He gently pulled Yukio to him, holding him for a moment as he said, "I come out to this ridge quite often - especially at night. There's no light pollution out here and you can see each and every star. I'd like to show you that, sometime…" His sentence trailed off quietly, incredibly fond teal eyes looking into emerald green. 

Yukio scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest. “You’re still making a lot of assumptions, thinking I’ll be here long enough to come out here with you again,” he said, but he knew his tone was more teasing and less scathing than it ever had been before. The first time he had said that, he was serious. He didn’t think he would still be with Toshiro in three months when he saw the ridiculous amount of chocolate the man had bought him. But evidently there was something about Toshiro that made him hesitant to leave, and Yukio didn’t think it was just the challenge of seducing him. 

He was starting to think… maybe he actually  _ could  _ love him. But it was still all so muddled in his mind that there was no way he could ever say it out loud. Because if he admitted that, he would have to admit  _ everything,  _ and then he was sure he wouldn’t be the one leaving.

"No assumptions. Never with you, Yukio. Just a desire I have that I hope to do with you." As he said the last sentence he felt his face flush at what he  _ currently  _ desired to do with the smaller man, even if he was also incredibly nervous. He trusted Yukio to take good care of him - he just knew Yukio’s denial of his own feelings was strong and he was concerned that may yet win out. But Yukio’s every action since he pulled away from their kiss had only reassured him that he'd stay, so the fear of that was currently minimal. He leaned down, placing a gentle kiss upon Yukio's hair before releasing all but his hand, guiding him with familiar, sure steps back to the house. 

Yukio tried to keep his mind toward what they were going to do when they got to the house. At least that served to distract him from his own thoughts and emotions as they walked back. He actually had to restrain himself from pinning Toshiro to the first available wall when they walked inside, at least giving him time to put down the backpack in the kitchen. But as soon as that burden was lifted, he wrapped a firm arm around Toshiro’s waist and pulled him to press their bodies together, instantly bringing his other hand up to curl his fingers into Toshiro’s hair, directing him down into a passionate, hungry kiss. He barely thought before pressing his tongue into Toshiro’s willing, obedient mouth, moaning at just how yielding the inexperienced man was.

The rush of desire Yukio was now able to induce in him was honestly disorienting. Toshiro had to grab his slim shoulders at the abruptly passionate kiss to keep his knees from buckling. When Yukio moaned as Toshiro immediately submitted to his kiss, Toshiro answered with his own wanton sound that he didn't even recognize as his voice. 

Yukio broke away for a moment, keeping his hold on Toshiro and remaining close enough that he was all but speaking into his lips. “I need something from my coat pocket, and then you’re going to take me to the bedroom,” he instructed. A sly grin curved his lips before he added, “You’re going to carry me to both places, and I don’t want to stop kissing you the entire time.”

Toshiro nodded, a whimper escaping the back of his throat as the action caused Yukio's hold on him to tug on his hair. "Yes…" he hissed out, teal eyes already hazy. Yukio seemed satisfied with that response and released him so that Toshiro could scoop him into his arms, his hands below Yukio's thighs as he wrapped his legs around Toshiro’s waist. Settling quickly into Toshiro’s hold, Yukio immediately returned to passionately and deeply kiss him and Toshiro whined, backing against the wall for a moment to keep standing through the intensity of the desire that flooded through him. If Yukio was going to keep doing that, there was no way Toshiro could complete what he had asked of him, his knees really would give out and he'd slide to the floor. He clutched at him, whining desperately as he fought the waves of heat in order to support both Yukio and himself and remain standing. 

Yukio broke off from Toshiro’s lips again, honestly not expecting him to have such a difficult time with this. He laughed lightly when he saw that Toshiro was already ridiculously out of it to have only been kissing him for a couple of minutes. “Alright, if we’re not going to make it anywhere, I won’t kiss you the whole time. But you’re still going to carry me,” he said. He hoped Toshiro didn’t think he was disappointed at all. He actually found it quite amusing and flattering - no one else had ever had such a strong reaction to him, especially not just kissing him.

Toshiro stayed leaning against the wall for a few more seconds, regaining his breath and steadying how his body was shaking. He then obediently carried Yukio back to the closet where he'd stored his coat, nodding towards it and saying softly, "You'll need to open the door but your coat is just inside."

Yukio nodded and opened the closet, quickly leaning over and retrieving a small bottle from his coat pocket. He slid the bottle into his back pocket before turning back to Toshiro and claiming his lips again, really just having far too much fun watching him react to his aggressive kisses. 

Toshiro whimpered again, closing the closet door with his shoulder before following the movement through and leaning heavily against it. Honestly this was ridiculous. Yukio was only  _ kissing  _ him and he could literally bring him to his knees. 

As amusing as it would be, now that he was properly prepared, to drive Toshiro into unbelievable amounts of pleasure right here against the coat closet - taking him to the floor and claiming his body - Yukio actually preferred the comfort of a bed. So he released Toshiro’s mouth, growling a bit with his own passionate frustration as he trailed wet, sloppy kisses down his jawbone. He stopped at Toshiro’s ear, taking the lobe into his mouth and sucking lightly before pressing his teeth into the soft flesh. “Take me to the bedroom now,” he breathed as he released him completely. 

Toshiro actually needed the clear, direct order because his mind was completely fuzzy. It took him a few more seconds to recover this time but some part of his brain registered that all he'd need to do would be make it to the bed and then he could hand over everything to Yukio’s experienced hands. He didn't care a bit about  _ why  _ he was so experienced - that had never bothered him - he was just thankful that he  _ was  _ because he knew what Yukio wanted from him and he also knew that done incorrectly, such a thing could greatly hurt. 

He quickly navigated to his bedroom, more from habit and memory than by sight as he couldn't tear his eyes off of Yukio. In control, being obeyed, completely confident, and so clearly  _ happy,  _ he was even  _ more  _ stunning. He entered the bedroom, coming to stand near the bed and pausing. He realized he was waiting on the confident man's direction again and was amazed to find he didn't mind in the least. Actually, with his inexperience, Yukio being so clear and in control was comforting and made him feel all the more cared for. 

Yukio gave what ended up being a rather confident, seductive smile at Toshiro’s hesitance. No one had ever actually waited for his instructions before. Granted, he wasn’t sure that he’d ever had sex with someone who so clearly didn’t know what they were doing, either. Toshiro’s willingness to allow him  _ all  _ of the control, though, eased his mind quite a bit. “Lie down on your back with me on top of you,” he said, his tone firm but still keeping a trace of gentleness in his authority. 

Toshiro turned, sitting on the edge before shifting towards the center to lay down, his head on a pillow and Yukio still balanced on top. He couldn't help but whimper slightly at the image of him on top of him, still straddling his waist, dark lust-filled emerald eyes gazing at him in hunger. Toshiro felt his own need spike suddenly and he shifted his hips a bit. He was painfully hard - had been really since the first kiss in the hall - and he honestly wasn't used to the sensation. Yukio hadn't told him he could do anything to  _ him  _ however, so Toshiro brought his hands up to clutch the pillow beneath his head, although he longed to investigate Yukio's gorgeous body. 

Yukio read his tension instantly, and he knew this wouldn’t be any easier with Toshiro clenching up because he was trying to hold himself back from doing something. “You can do whatever you want to me, as long as you don’t try to move me or stop me from doing what I’m doing. If something is uncomfortable or painful,  _ tell  _ me. Don’t you dare try to forcibly pull or push me away. Also, it’s not going to hinder me if you feel like you need to come. In fact, it’ll make you more relaxed if you do. So don’t hold that back unless you want to. Are we clear?”

"Yes, Yukio," Toshiro said softly but clearly. He immediately reached out to touch Yukio’s perfect body, his fingertips trembling as he did so and a quiet moan escaping him at the contact. "So gorgeous," Toshiro murmured. Yukio still had every article of clothing on from before but that didn't matter to Toshiro - his beauty was just apparent to him, regardless of clothes. 

Toshiro’s fixation and obvious admiration only fed Yukio’s confidence, and he quickly pulled his own shirt over his head and discarded it on the floor, doing the same to Toshiro as he easily and obediently allowed him. Yukio ran his hands over Toshiro’s lean, toned body, letting out a pleased groan as he felt every muscle under his pristine skin. When he reached the waist of Toshiro’s pants, he had absolutely no reservations about unbuttoning and unzipping them, intentionally running his hand firmly down the hard length under the fabric as he did so. 

Toshiro gasped, "Yukio…" as he arched into his touch. His hands grabbed at the sheets of the bed and he panted. It wasn’t as though no one had touched him before - it was the main reason he disliked clubbing, the wandering hands - but no one had done so while he was actually turned on and  _ wanting  _ them. He threw his head back as Yukio’s hand stroked him, his touch sending fire throughout his body, teal eyes already pleading with need as he gazed down at him. 

Yukio was absolutely thrilled that Toshiro was reacting so strongly to such simple stimulation. But, knowing that Toshiro really wasn’t accustomed to this, he didn’t want to wear him out too quickly, because he was sure he could make him come just by touching him like this. Yukio backed off, sliding down the bed and pulling Toshiro’s pants off - along with whatever was underneath, because he really didn’t bother looking - before sliding off the bed to remove his own, and his boxers. He nudged Toshiro’s legs apart, running his right hand from Toshiro’s knee to the inside of his thigh as he took his place between his legs. As lustful emerald eyes scanned Toshiro’s completely nude body, catching desperate teal, Yukio absolutely couldn’t wait to claim this gorgeous man’s body. This was worth the three month wait. 

Toshiro curled up, his abs clenching and burning slightly at the quick motion without the assistance of his arms, and he reached out to touch Yukio’s beautiful bare body. He was careful not to disrupt what Yukio was doing, remembering his clear orders, but he'd given him permission to do as he wanted otherwise and he  _ needed _ to touch him. Reverent, gentle fingers traced across the newly revealed skin, every inch that he could reach without disturbing Yukio. "You're so lovely, Yukio," Toshiro murmured, "Perfect…"

Yukio visibly shuddered at the feeling of Toshiro touching him so gently. He had actually never been touched that way before. Every other sexual encounter involved rather aggressive groping, not caring, slow caresses. Though, no one he’d ever had sex with had confessed their love to him either. And the words Toshiro kept using - they weren’t the usual empty compliments. Still, Yukio insisted on continuing as he had planned. It was going to take some time to prepare an unused body anyway. So, he locked eyes with Toshiro for a moment. That in itself was a bit unnerving. He didn’t usually have to make much eye contact with those he was with, because they were of the same mind he was - get what they both wanted and go home. But Toshiro needed direction, so Yukio didn’t have much choice. 

“I know I said you could do as you wanted, but you tightening your body to reach me is going to make what I’m about to do practically impossible, so I need you to relax completely. Once I get started I’ll lean over you and let you touch me,” Yukio assured him. Why he felt the need to be so explanatory and gentle with his words was beyond him. He could have just told him to lay back down, but… he wanted Toshiro to know why so it didn’t confuse or hurt him. Such a thought made Yukio’s stomach turn.  _ Emotions  _ had never had anything to do with sex, but here he was, letting emotion take over and dictate the way he spoke to and treated Toshiro. 

Toshiro laid back against the bed, nodding his understanding. He replayed Yukio’s words in his head. He needed him relaxed, clearly. But rather than simply demanding, Yukio had explained, and Toshiro felt desire-tinged love fill his heart again. Yukio really was taking  _ care  _ of him - not just physically but emotionally too. Even if he wasn't doing so intentionally, the instinct was there. He'd even reassured him that Toshiro could continue touching him soon. And Toshiro knew he had to reward that, encourage him to continue. He'd note and follow every word - said and not said. 

Toshiro breathed deeply, focusing on his breathing. The familiarity of the act at the core of the meditation he practiced daily settled him completely, his body instantly relaxing. He was determined to  _ accept  _ these feelings, this flood of need and desire, to not resist at all. Doing so would keep his body relaxed like Yukio required and Toshiro wanted to be able to fulfill everything the beautiful man asked of him. Teal eyes looked back to lock with emerald green, still filled with longing but absent of any kind of demand - love and complete openness and acceptance in its place. 

Yukio couldn’t help but give Toshiro’s body another visual sweep before he slid off the bed to retrieve the small bottle of lube from his pants pocket, returning immediately to settle between Toshiro’s legs again. He popped open the bottle and applied a bit to three fingers - just to be safe and absolutely certain Toshiro was ready for him - and then tossed the bottle on the bed next to them. He nudged Toshiro’s legs to open them a bit more, and then lowered his hand to trace around Toshiro’s entrance, pressing a bit firmly but not enough to breach him quite yet. He needed to know how he was going to react to every step of this, because he knew he couldn’t pass up watching how incredibly sexy it was going to be. 

Toshiro groaned at the sensation. This, fortunately, wasn't entirely new for his body. As Toshiro had become more and more resigned to being alone, he'd become more creative in exploring his own body. But that experience wasn't a real comparison to this. The minute amount of pleasure he was able to bring himself when alone was nothing compared to the spike of need that flowed through him at nearly each and every one of Yukio’s touches - this one all the more-so with it being so entirely intimate. 

He  _ wanted  _ to feel Yukio inside him, he  _ wanted  _ that finger to sink into him. He unconsciously moved his hips to push back on Yukio’s finger but still kept his awareness on his own breath, allowing his body to react to and feel whatever pleasure Yukio brought to him but remaining completely relaxed and accepting. He  _ knew _ he wanted this - he wanted  _ Yukio.  _ In every way the other man was willing to give him. "Yukio…" he moaned out, "Please - want to feel you… Want you, Yukio…"

Yukio groaned quietly when Toshiro pressed back against his hand, and he certainly wasn’t going to deny him. The entire point of this three months ago was to get to this point, and he wasn’t any less enthusiastic about it now than he was then. He pressed one finger inside, sinking in as far as he could before he began to feel legitimate resistance - about half of his finger - and then immediately slowed, carefully stretching and proceeding slowly from there. He shifted to lean over Toshiro’s body, propping on his forearm and giving a sharp breath when their bodies touched, his side almost completely flush with Toshiro’s. 

Toshiro relaxed around Yukio’s finger as a loud groan left him. And as he leaned over and he felt his smaller body flush against his own, his hands immediately returned their exploration from before in that same reverent manner. Because he wasn't just touching the gorgeous skin being offered to him, he was touching  _ Yukio  _ and his mind was mapping out each and every line and curve of his flawless body. Doing so also focused his mind on learning everything he could from this about the other which kept him only more relaxed and accepting to what Yukio was doing to him. He'd spent every day of the past three months learning all he could about Yukio, from every word and action - doing so now was comforting and brought him a gentle, fond peace. 

Yukio drank in every admiring touch of Toshiro’s hands, melting into the attention and thoroughly enjoying it. He was actually so taken by the  _ way  _ Toshiro touched him that his hand was all but moving on autopilot as he turned most of his mental attention to Toshiro’s hands. He allowed his head to fall, keeping the rest of his body supported, and rested his forehead against Toshiro’s shoulder, closing his eyes to better focus on the feeling of Toshiro’s gentle affection - something he had never experienced before. 

When Yukio leaned his forehead against him, Toshiro brought one hand to card through the fine golden locks and tilted his head slightly to kiss him, his fingers gently massaging and entirely fond. He continued to press gentle kisses to the top of his head until Yukio’s finger inside him reached as far as it could - and deeper than Toshiro had ever reached on his own. His hand clutched slightly although he was careful to remain otherwise relaxed and not to put any real force into the action so Yukio wouldn't think he was restricting his movement at all as he gasped against the soft hair, "Yukio - feels so good - want you so much - please Yukio - I want you to claim me - want to be yours - love you… Yukio…" 

Yukio tried not to tense up at the words that seemed to be spilling from Toshiro’s mouth without thought. They were  _ true,  _ and that was what frightened Yukio the most. But he had made it this far, and he wasn’t backing out. He had gone  _ three months  _ without a single trip to the club, not even just to drink and hang out with Riruka and Rukia. He hadn’t allowed a single temptation to enter his life, keeping true to his word and obeying Toshiro’s terms. He wasn’t about to ruin all that effort now. As he continued, trying to put out of his mind the emotional implications this had for Toshiro, he pressed in a second finger, slowly and thoroughly stretching Toshiro’s tight body, which showed a bit more resistance to the intrusion of two fingers. 

Staying aware of that, he decided it may be a good idea to actually  _ try  _ to make Toshiro come before he tried to insert a third finger. When he had the second finger fully seated to the knuckle, he braced for Toshiro’s reaction as he dragged his fingers gently up in a hooking motion. On the first attempt, he barely grazed what he was searching for, and he immediately went back to fully press into it, honestly expecting Toshiro to come  _ very  _ quickly from this type of stimulation, which was likely something he had never felt before.

Toshiro cried out immediately, his focus completely derailed to what Yukio was pressing against inside him. His body rapidly tightened around him without Toshiro being able to resist at all, the pleasure coursing through him maddening. "Yukio!" he cried out, "Yukio - I - I'm," he couldn't even properly get out the words, his legs immediately wrapping around Yukio’s slim waist and fucking himself on Yukio’s fingers, his body lost and completely out of his control at the overwhelming and completely new sensation. His hand tightened again in Yukio’s hair as his other hand clenched his hip as he cried out Yukio’s name again and released, his entire body panting and shaking, clenched tight around those fingers inside of him as he rode out the aftershocks of his orgasm, far more intense than any he had brought out of himself. 

Yukio was actually caught off-guard by the sheer force and intensity of Toshiro’s reactions, but he took it in stride, allowing and actually meeting Toshiro’s thrusts with his fingers, feeling a surge of pleasure and accomplishment flood his own body when Toshiro was pushed over the edge in mere seconds. He wanted to fight against the firm grip Toshiro had on his hair, but he knew it was only the completely overwhelming sensations that were interrupting his usual control. He knew without a doubt that Toshiro wasn’t trying to take anything from him, and that was really all Yukio needed to assure himself that Toshiro’s actions were acceptable. Honestly, watching the usually calm man fuck himself on his fingers was likely the sexiest thing Yukio had ever seen.

Yukio didn’t remove his fingers. In fact, when Toshiro went lax as the aftershocks waned, he snuck in the third finger, taking advantage of the immensely relaxed state he was in after such an intense orgasm. He wasn’t even sure that it was necessary, but he wasn’t going to even entertain the possibility of hurting Toshiro. 

Toshiro felt pleasantly boneless, not even needing to rely on meditation to keep relaxed now. He didn't even know if he could move at all. He did notice that he felt even  _ more  _ full and groaned as he realized Yukio must have added a third finger. And if it was this easy to take, even Toshiro knew he could handle Yukio himself. He was in Yukio’s hands though so he simply enjoyed the feeling of his fingers gently stretching him. The hand in Yukio's hair and upon his hip had relaxed completely as he came down and he returned to lovingly mapping out his body, pressing kisses to every part of him within reach of his mouth without actually moving or tensing his body. "Yukio…" he murmured between the kisses against the soft golden hair, "So good… Love you… So much… Yours Yukio… Only yours…"

Yukio shook his head, though the action felt more like he was nuzzling into Toshiro’s shoulder. He let out a shuddering breath and focused on anything  _ but  _ the words Toshiro was unconsciously saying. He didn’t  _ want  _ this attachment. He didn’t want to be responsible for Toshiro in any way at all. He wanted to be able to leave with a clear conscience. He wanted to shatter Toshiro’s ridiculously fragile heart and not feel a shred of guilt. But he  _ couldn’t,  _ and that was  _ killing  _ him. 

He was determined to get through this, though, because he had to at least fulfill his now long-time fantasy of taking this man. So he finished preparing him, very much confident that Toshiro could handle him, and removed his fingers. He leaned over Toshiro to retrieve the bottle of lube, sitting up to apply some to his fingers again before spreading it on his own cock. He was quite familiar with the sensation, so it was easy to ignore the extra stimulation. He centered himself over Toshiro, propping on his elbows and positioning himself to easily penetrate Toshiro’s body with his painfully hard cock. “Ah - fuck, you’re so tight. It’s been way too fucking long since I did this,” he groaned almost immediately.

Toshiro moaned brokenly as Yukio entered him. He was far larger than just fingers but Toshiro was still mostly blissfully relaxed and he could feel his body opening around him while gripping him tight. It was amazing, being this close and connected to the man he was so recklessly in love with. "Yukio… You feel amazing - yes - please - make me yours Yukio - want you so much - only want you - Yukio…" 

As Yukio thrusted into him, taking him rather gently, sinking deeper, Toshiro could feel himself recovering and responding, growing hard again as his hands found Yukio’s narrow hips and held him, his thumbs fondly caressing his hip bones. He was careful not to put much pressure, allowing Yukio to completely control his own movement, but he  _ needed  _ to hold him, to feel those hips move as he claimed his body completely. 

Yukio became a bit more aggressive with his actions as he realized that Toshiro’s body was so willingly accepting him. It was ridiculous, really, the amount of trust this man had in him, because he really didn’t even trust himself to not flee from the emotional sentence fragments that continually surfaced. He wanted nothing to do with all this commitment Toshiro was hinting at, but Yukio knew that meant  _ Toshiro  _ was already completely committed to him, and that made his heart clench in his chest. With a frustrated growl, Yukio took the last few thrusts rather roughly before he was fully sheathed, and the tight heat around him pulled him from his thoughts. A long, low moan came up from the back of his throat, and he stilled himself for a moment, intent to feel Toshiro for as long as he could, because he was almost sure this would be the only time.

Toshiro cried out as Yukio rather roughly took the last few centimeters before stilling, fully seated inside him. His body had clamped down at the abrupt change in movement though it hadn't really been unpleasant at all - just unexpected. He relaxed again with Yukio still, his hands coming up to Yukio’s face and caressing as he sought to ground himself. "So full Yukio - yours - all yours… Please Yukio - please kiss me - I - I want to feel both you and your tongue claim me," he whimpered out, shuddering at the thought of being so completely claimed by this man. 

Yukio hesitated, because he was already having to stop himself from leaning into Toshiro’s hands on his face. The amount of  _ connection  _ Toshiro was requesting would only feed into the emotions that had been sneaking into Yukio’s heart ever since he had kissed him for the first time. But he was sure he could still fight it, so he closed the distance between them, immediately invading Toshiro’s mouth with an insistently controlling kiss while his hips began a steady rhythm of thrusts that had him groaning into Toshiro’s mouth.

Toshiro keened into the consuming kiss and steady thrusts. His hands slid to rest upon his back, shaking as he completely submitted to Yukio’s claim on his body. The pleasure was amazing, and he could feel himself growing closer towards release again as Yukio moved within him and his hard cock was stimulated against his hard stomach with each thrust. But far more than that was a bliss of utter and complete connection he felt to Yukio like this. 

It would be fine, if Yukio could never openly return his love, Toshiro  _ knew  _ he cared about him. This - this was more than Toshiro ever thought he could feel and he loved Yukio all the more for not rejecting him, for taking care of him in his own way. He allowed that feeling, the feeling of  _ belonging  _ to this man, to flood him as he was so thoroughly claimed and he felt his mind slipping. He didn't even try to hold on as all thought left him, consumed with  _ feeling  _ Yukio, his entire body beginning to tremble and tingle pleasantly. 

Yukio almost pulled away when he felt Toshiro surrender  _ more,  _ as if that was even possible. But he really just couldn’t get himself to separate from him, really because he felt his own climax approaching through the rhythmic thrusts into Toshiro’s tight, inexperienced body. He only broke away from Toshiro’s mouth for the sake of breathing, panting a bit as heat pooled in his core and his arms trembled with his pending release. “Shit - going to come - want to feel you first,” he said through his strained breaths.

Toshiro’s completely surrendered mind took the words as a command, one he hadn’t been remotely aware he'd been waiting on. He came within the next heartbeat as Yukio thrust into him again, his voice strained as he cried out Yukio’s name and his entire body arched at the intensity of his release combined with that tingling sensation just beneath every inch of his skin. "Yukio…" he whimpered, words falling without his notice, "Yours… Always yours… Love you… Yukio… Need you… Fill me…"

Yukio couldn’t stop himself from all but screaming as Toshiro’s body clenched down around him, already tight enough to send him over the edge and much too easily pulling his climax from him with the completely blinding pressure of Toshiro’s orgasm. Sharp, overwhelming pleasure washed over him, and he groaned brokenly as it only continued as the initial wave waned into shockwaves that had his core involuntarily spasming as they passed. He took a moment to catch his breath, remaining hovering over Toshiro’s body as his arms trembled even under his own slight weight.

Toshiro whimpered, his hands putting slight pressure against Yukio’s back but not able to actually push him down, Yukio’s clear words from earlier still guiding his actions. He  _ needed  _ to feel him, his weight on him, needed to hold him through this. 

To know Yukio was here. That he wasn't going to be abandoned. 

He felt the stirring of anxiety with every heartbeat that Yukio remained apart, "Yukio…" Toshiro whispered, a desperate whine at the edge of his voice. 

Yukio took in Toshiro’s condition. He honestly hadn’t ever seen anyone look at him like this before, but he also hadn’t had anyone say they loved him, so he could only assume it had something to do with Toshiro’s feelings toward him. By the slight pressure of Toshiro’s hands on his back, he could only assume he wanted him to lower himself down onto him, but he wasn’t about to get himself messy with Toshiro’s release. So he sat up, pulling out of Toshiro’s body and wincing a bit as he did. He couldn’t keep his eyes from Toshiro - who was still lying limp on the bed - as he redressed himself. Yukio let out a sharp, frustrated sigh as tears burned his eyes at the thought of leaving Toshiro. Still, he walked to the bedroom door, shaking his head. He held onto the doorknob, bracing himself on it as he felt his heart pounding beneath his ribs. 

Toshiro started shaking harder the moment Yukio pulled out of him and withdrew from his body. Anxiety flooded him, his heart plummeting and seizing within his chest. Glassy teal eyes tracked Yukio's every movement. He flinched at the sound he made after he redressed himself and fear gripped him as he shook his head. 

Yukio was rejecting him. 

Toshiro was his… 

And he didn't want him. 

As Yukio turned, headed towards, and reached out for the door, Toshiro released a broken sob as a feeling of complete and utter worthlessness gripped him. He instantly curled in on himself upon the bed, tears falling as he continued to gasp in breaths, unable to prevent the sobs that continued to leave him. 

Yukio whipped back at the sounds coming from the bed, and when he found Toshiro curling up on the blanket, tears running down his face, which was contorted in absolute misery, he couldn’t stop the tears from falling from his own eyes. He wanted to leave. He wanted to leave all of this behind him. It wasn’t worth the risk. He had gotten what he wanted. But somehow seeing Toshiro suffering made his heart feel like it was actually going to jump out of his chest. He had never cared before. He made it his entire life goal to  _ not  _ form connections. But Toshiro was  _ falling apart.  _

When Yukio lifted his hand from the doorknob, it was shaking terribly. His actions here would decide what his heart actually felt, and it  _ didn’t  _ want to leave, as much as his mind told him he should. With decisive action, he turned away from the door and went to the attached bathroom, snatching a hand towel from a ring near the sink and going back to the bed. He sat on the edge, hesitant and completely terrified of what he was doing. He was showing  _ weakness.  _ Emotion and attachment were  _ weaknesses.  _ But they were nothing compared to the depth of vulnerability Toshiro was revealing. 

Yukio reached out to him, running a gentle hand through soft white hair. “Would you… let me clean you up?” he asked, his voice weak and trembling.

Yukio’s voice, so tentative and near, had teal eyes snapping open. Yukio was  _ there,  _ he  _ hadn’t  _ abandoned him. Toshiro couldn't really get a grip on his feelings - because he still felt that crushing sense of  _ worthlessness  _ \- but he was also completely relieved that Yukio had returned. He slowly turned onto his back, his tears mostly silent now, still obeying and yielding to everything this man asked of him. Because, as worthless as he felt, like Yukio would only be right to leave this mess behind him, that he didn't have anything to offer him to compel him to want to stay… 

Toshiro still  _ belonged  _ to him. His heart, his mind, his body. Completely. 

Yukio watched Toshiro’s still distraught expression as he cleaned the release off of his stomach, tossing the towel back toward the bathroom when he was done. Past that, he had no idea what to do besides  _ stay.  _ He had no experience in remaining for longer than a few minutes after sex, so he really didn’t know what was expected, and he certainly could never understand what Toshiro wanted from him, so he only slid a bit closer. He took Toshiro’s hand in one of his, the other pushing the hair away from Toshiro’s face and then trailing down to cup his cheek. Anxious emerald eyes watched for a reaction. All he could do was  _ hope  _ his actions would help. There was no way Yukio was willing to speak, because surely words would only make things worse, especially coming from him.

Toshiro immediately pushed into the comfort of Yukio’s hand cupping his cheek, gasping as more relief filled him. But his heart was still clenched, convinced that somehow he was at fault - that he'd driven Yukio away somehow. "I'm sorry," Toshiro whispered, slightly dull yet still glassy teal eyes gazing into beautiful emerald green before taking a shuddering breath, a trembling hand reaching towards Yukio to clench at the hem of his shirt. "I - I'm so sorry - I'll do better - whatever you want - Yukio…"

Yukio’s eyes widened at Toshiro’s desperate words. He didn’t understand at all. Did Toshiro think he was going to leave… because of something he had done? How did it completely escape his mind that this was just what Yukio  _ did?  _ He supposed it didn’t really matter, because his heart was absolutely tormented with how incredibly - and completely wrongly - apologetic Toshiro was for something he hadn’t even done. It was true, though. This was the worst sex Yukio had ever had. 

Because it made him fall in love.

And that was completely Toshiro’s fault. 

But Yukio wasn’t going to punish him for that. His pained heart wouldn’t let him. Because he just  _ couldn’t.  _ He couldn’t keep this distance anymore. He couldn’t be content with loneliness. He couldn’t let go of what was in front of him. Because Toshiro was worth the risk.

Yukio shifted to lie down next to Toshiro, wrapping him in his arms and resting his chin on his shoulder. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m an idiot, and I think you know that. I’m a jerk, and I hurt people. I never thought I could feel anything for anyone,” he said, his voice trembling and his breathing unsteady as he forced the next words out, “But you are the only exception.”

Toshiro wrapped himself as close to Yukio as he could, needing to feel him. He didn't like the self-deprecating that Yukio was doing, his mind not even catching what Yukio was  _ really  _ saying as he desperately murmured out, "You're perfect, Yukio. Please don't say those things about yourself… I  _ love  _ you, every part of you. I… I don't really think I expected you to stay… You deserve far better than me… I was so selfish, made you give up so much - I don't deserve you now… I - I'll understand if you leave me here…" His eyes clenched shut, body still shaking, still trapped in dark thoughts that threatened to drag him down. 

Yukio shook his head, smiling as he pulled back to look at Toshiro’s face. He brought a hand to Toshiro’s chin, softly beckoning, “Open your eyes and listen to me.”

Toshiro did so immediately without a thought, focusing on Yukio completely. He was…  _ smiling.  _ Toshiro didn't think he could possibly be more beautiful but he had a genuine smile upon his gorgeous face and it brightened every feature. He was lost in those bright emerald eyes, seeing  _ fondness  _ and his heart stuttered. 

“I’m far from perfect, but  _ you  _ make me want to be better. I couldn’t leave you, especially not now. You think I spent three months waiting for you because I thought a one night stand with you was going to be worth it? Honestly, it was the worst sex I’ve ever had… because you’re  _ so  _ perfect, and it makes me never want to be with anyone else again. It made me want to leave everything else behind  _ for good.  _ I never thought I could feel this way… but I - I love you, Toshiro,” Yukio confessed, trying to keep his voice level and failing miserably as tears began to flow from his eyes.

"You…" Toshiro whispered, repeating his words over and over again in his mind. The response was so entirely  _ Yukio _ that he had no choice but to believe him. He felt his heart unclench as he repeated his words - he never wanted to be with anyone else again - he thought Toshiro had been  _ perfect  _ \- he  _ couldn't  _ leave him - he… 

Yukio  _ loved  _ him. 

More tears slipped from clearing teal eyes but they were from overwhelming relief and happiness. He knew better than to question Yukio, to make him repeat the words Toshiro knew had to be difficult for him to admit. So he leaned in, seeking physical assurance and connection from him, gently kissing his lips and slightly opening his own mouth in invitation, whimpering lightly as he did so. 

Yukio immediately responded, taking Toshiro’s mouth in a slow, passionate kiss that caused a different kind of warmth to flood his body. Instead of desire and lust, this brought peace, acceptance,  _ happiness.  _ He brought a hand to bury his fingers in Toshiro’s hair, not forceful or controlling as he had been before, but gentle as he held them together. His other hand wandered down Toshiro’s side, reminding him rather suddenly that he wasn’t dressed. But, really, Yukio didn’t think either of them cared, and for once in his adult life, there was no surge of need at the realization. His heart hadn’t been lying. He really was in love with this man.

Toshiro could feel the difference in this kiss. Yukio really  _ did  _ love him - and had  _ accepted  _ that fact. This kiss was filled with tender, gentle emotion and Toshiro had never felt more loved. Whatever lingering darkness remained from earlier completely vanished. He  _ wasn't  _ worthless - not to Yukio. Yukio  _ loved  _ him - and Yukio never spent time or attention on anything he didn't find worthwhile. So that meant he was  _ worth  _ that time and attention to him. 

Toshiro drew him as close as possible without breaking the kiss, completely intertwining their legs and bringing his own hands to lovingly caress him. He whined a bit at the feel of his shirt - of any barrier between them - lightly tugging on the fabric as he did so but completely unwilling to break this beautiful kiss with Yukio. 

Yukio understood what Toshiro wanted, and he very slowly pulled away from his mouth, immediately assuring him, “I’ll kiss you all day if you want. Don’t worry.” At the same time, he was pulling his shirt off, and by the time he had even finished speaking, he was locking their mouths together again, easily falling into the same gently claiming motions of his tongue exploring Toshiro’s mouth.

Toshiro hummed in contentment at feeling his bare skin against him, shifting them so that Yukio was settled on top of him again, loving the feeling of his comforting weight. He calmed completely, his tears subsiding, and began to participate more in the kiss as Yukio was being far less aggressively demanding than before. He discovered that he loved moving his tongue against Yukio’s as he kissed him, loved the way Yukio responded when he used the tip to trace along Yukio’s own. His hands trailed over his back and occasionally swept through the fine blonde hair. He could never get enough of touching him, especially now - with care and fondness accompanying Yukio’s own movements and responses. 

Yukio had said he'd kiss him all day if he wanted. And he  _ wanted.  _ He  _ wanted  _ Yukio and Yukio  _ loved _ him and Toshiro had never felt more at peace than in this moment. He knew that giving Yukio his number that night three months ago had been a risk, and confessing his full feelings even more so, then allowing Yukio to finally claim his body… 

But he was so overwhelmingly happy he'd taken it. He knew he'd never regret it - he'd never regret  _ this.  _

Toshiro had sworn he'd never risk his heart again… But he knew who Yukio  _ really  _ was. 

The only exception. 

And Toshiro completely trusted Yukio to keep his heart safe. 

Yukio melted into Toshiro’s contentment, still processing everything he had admitted to just in the past minutes. None of it was untrue, but there was still something nagging at the back of his mind, telling him not to completely invest quite yet. There was more Toshiro didn’t know about him, and being accepting of his previous sexual habits was  _ easy  _ compared to what else he was hiding. 

It was buried, far beneath every facade of tough indifference, and even deeper in the far reaches of his heart than this amount of compassion could ever reach. It was locked away, only to be revealed when absolutely necessary, which, to Yukio, was  _ never.  _ He would keep this from Toshiro for as long as he could - forever if he had to. 

And if that meant losing him to the distance… 

Well, Yukio always knew, deep in his soul… 

That love never lasts.


	3. Still Learning

**_Chapter 3:[Still Learning](https://youtu.be/ZQxUj1lrFFo)_ **

For the next week, Yukio didn’t even know how to talk to Toshiro. Everything just felt _different,_ and it wasn’t a pleasant kind of difference. It was overtly obvious that Toshiro wanted them to be even closer - physically, emotionally, any way they could be. But Yukio really just wanted to be left alone. He wasn’t sure what he thought it would accomplish. It was just what he was used to. The closer he felt to Toshiro, the more he felt his past creeping up to the surface, reminding him that there was no way anyone could ever accept it. 

Not even Toshiro. 

As kind and accepting as he was, there was no way he could forgive him. He would realize he wasn’t worth loving. Yukio was damaged, and the thought of forcing someone as genuinely selfless and kind as Toshiro to suffer with him made it feel like a hole had opened up in his chest where his heart should be. It _broke_ him to think of hurting Toshiro that way. 

So, Yukio had kept that distance. He hadn’t even suggested that they be intimate again. Really, the desire wasn’t even there with what was plaguing his mind. Every time he received a text message from Toshiro, it would make his heart leap in a sickening way, not in a way that would suggest a spark of joy, but instead made his stomach churn with guilt. If it took even ten minutes for Yukio to reply, Toshiro would always send a simple _Love you, Yukio._ The first time he had done that, Yukio had completely broken down, harsh sobs ripping through him for a solid fifteen minutes. It was exhausting. 

It wasn’t all that difficult to admit that he loved Toshiro, but every time Toshiro said the same to him, it sent a wave of piercing remorse through him, knowing that if Toshiro knew _everything,_ he would likely take it back. 

It was coming up on the weekend, and Yukio knew Toshiro would want to spend at least Saturday together, but Yukio didn’t know if he could actually face him. He had given vague responses to Toshiro’s suggested plans, so he wasn’t even sure what they were doing. He just knew he was expected at Toshiro’s house at noon for lunch. As hesitant as he was, though, he couldn’t bear to think of how hurt Toshiro would be if he just didn’t show up. 

And that was what brought Yukio to stand at Toshiro’s door, his driver having already pulled out of the driveway. There wasn’t really any escape, so he took a deep breath and rang the doorbell.

Toshiro heard the doorbell and noted that it was noon exactly. Punctual as always, he thought with a fond smile. It faded slightly as he thought about how much more distant Yukio had become over the past week. Toshiro was trying not to push at all, knowing how hard this was for him, how new and guarded Yukio still was. That didn’t really bother Toshiro. He knew Yukio’s nature - he only loved him more for it - and it gave him a strong desire to protect him himself. 

As long as Yukio continued to allow Toshiro to love him, as long as he didn’t abandon him and cut himself off completely, Toshiro could deal with all the rest. Because Toshiro had honestly never been happier with someone. Knowing that the person he loved returned that love and actually wanted him like Toshiro desired Yukio… Toshiro had never had all of those things together in one person. It was an immense relief and Toshiro couldn’t wait to see him again. 

Also, now that he’d experienced what physically being with Yukio had felt like, he caught himself longing to experience it again. Every ounce of his desire and passion was focused on the small blonde. Every time he pictured him, he felt overwhelming love and a spike of heat in his core. When he remembered the afternoon Yukio had allowed him to make out with him for hours, his hands memorizing each curve, his tongue playing with Yukio’s own, just learning his body, he couldn’t help but feel a warmth spread through his entire being accompanied by severe longing to have him flush against him again. 

And now he was _here._

He opened the door, seeing Yukio on the other side. His facial expression was carefully blank with beautiful, guarded emerald eyes. Toshiro couldn’t help but smile fondly as he reached out for him, gently pulling Yukio into his arms and allowing the door to close. He nuzzled the soft blonde hair for a moment, taking in his comforting scent and feeling him in his arms again before pulling away and tilting his face to say softly, barely an inch from his lips, “I missed you, Yukio. I’ve wanted you back in my arms all week.”

Yukio averted his eyes, but didn’t pull away. He honestly didn’t even know what to say to him. He had missed him - the comfort and acceptance he found being something he could only experience with Toshiro - but he didn’t want to admit that. He had Toshiro’s acceptance _now,_ but he still feared that wouldn’t last. If Yukio couldn’t accept _himself,_ how could he ever ask Toshiro to? He likely never would. That was the simple answer.

Toshiro took Yukio’s reaction in stride, trying not to let it bother him. Yukio had always acted distantly, he wasn’t really expecting that to suddenly change, even after the previous weekend. He wasn’t pulling away, and that was enough. The fingers on his chin slid to cup his face and Toshiro leant in the rest of the way to kiss him, whimpering at the contact after a week apart and still trying to sort through the desire that the act caused within him. He parted his lips slightly, allowing his breath to wash over Yukio’s lips, hoping the other would claim his mouth as before, another whimper leaving him at the thought.

Yukio hesitated, and he hoped Toshiro didn’t register the moment before he decided to reciprocate, reaching up to bury a hand in Toshiro’s hair just as he had the first time. The grip on his hair was really just about control, something that was still very important to Yukio, especially when he was as buried in his own thoughts as he was. Feeling Toshiro surrendering to him again brought him out of his own mind for a moment, focusing on the feel of the other man’s tongue and the taste of his mouth. He knew, though, the minute he let go of that, everything would flood back in, and he let out a sharp, strained breath traced with a whine at the thought. 

Toshiro had never heard such a sound from Yukio before - almost like he was distressed and not in a “hot, I need you now” kind of way because the kiss wasn’t all that heated. Even for Toshiro it was more comforting than all-consuming like he knew Yukio’s kisses were when he wanted him. Toshiro pulled back, concern in soft teal eyes. There was clear desire as well but Yukio’s well-being was far more important to him than any kind of physical pleasure. “Yukio?” he questioned, his voice caring. He didn’t want to demand the other tell him what was wrong but he desperately wanted to know, wanted him to only ever be happy and content with him. 

Yukio’s defensive emerald eyes narrowed and he shook his head, casting his gaze past Toshiro as he released him from his hold and stepped around him. “We’re having lunch, right?” he asked over his shoulder as he made his way to the kitchen.

Teal eyes followed him, Toshiro himself doing so soon after as he said, “Yes.” He chuckled slightly, hoping to bring back that playful banter he loved so much, “Since you survived my first attempt at cooking for you I thought this was a safe bet. And you’ll appreciate that it’s far less romantic, just eating at the kitchen table.”

Just thinking of that afternoon a week prior caused a small shudder to run down Yukio’s spine. His mind seemed to involuntarily run through the events following their meal that day, and Yukio shoved his hands into his pockets, habitually becoming even more guarded as he remembered just how vulnerable he had been. They had confessed their _love_ to each other. But he knew Toshiro didn’t know what he was saying. He thought he knew him now, and he couldn’t be more wrong. 

It was like Yukio’s mind didn’t even register Toshiro’s comment as a jab, though, because he didn’t even reply, just leaning on the counter when he reached the kitchen, hands still in his pockets and eyes investigating pointless details like the brushed nickel handles on the cabinets just to avoid Toshiro’s eyes.

Toshiro frowned slightly. Something was _definitely_ wrong. Yukio would have never allowed the chance to dig at him to slip by before. It was almost as if he wasn’t really here, so caught up in his own thoughts. Toshiro wasn’t entirely certain how to deal with this. He wanted to help, but didn’t want to push, and he knew Yukio would avoid discussing whatever was wrong as long as possible - if he ever said at all. 

He tried to give him a bit of space, finishing placing the food on the table from where he’d been keeping it warm upon the stove. He glanced back over to Yukio, the other still mostly ignoring him and completely lost in thought. “Yukio?” He gently called, sliding out his chair for him. 

Yukio’s eyes snapped to Toshiro, and he tried to filter out the glare that tried to surface. He knew he was only one badly-placed comment away from breaking down entirely. Toshiro’s insistent kindness was wearing on him, and he really couldn’t tolerate it for much longer. Just the tone of Toshiro’s voice told him that he was obviously concerned. The man was much too honest to ever try to hide how he was feeling. But Yukio in no way deserved to be treated this way, and eventually he would need to tell Toshiro that his efforts were wasted on someone like him. Still, he went to the table and took the seat Toshiro had offered.

Toshiro paused in taking his own seat. When he’d set the table before Yukio arrived, he’d placed everything so that they would be quite close to each other, only wanting to be near him again and not really considering that may be a problem. Yukio had never seemed to have an issue with being _physically_ close to him. Especially last weekend. He took the seat anyway, figuring if Yukio wanted him to move over a space he’d tell him - he’d never been shy about being rude before.

Yukio gave Toshiro a sideways glance, but otherwise didn’t react, even withholding a backhanded comment about the size of the table versus their proximity. He honestly didn’t _want_ to push Toshiro away. So, instead of saying anything at all, he just began serving himself. He truly feared that if he spoke, he wouldn’t stop, and everything that had been haunting him would spill out without any restraint.

Toshiro wasn’t certain if he was relieved or not when Yukio simply started serving himself and began silently eating. On one hand, he wasn’t actively pulling away in a physical sense. But Yukio had _never_ been silent. Not with him. He always had some biting, witty comment to say. Toshiro followed his lead, just offering silent support and watching over him carefully. He was certain Yukio knew he was there for him - no matter what - he just had to wait for Yukio to either admit what was wrong or work it out. As long as he could be here for him, that’s all he could ask of the other.

Yukio was surprised Toshiro allowed the entire meal to pass in silence, but he accepted it. If he could get through the entire day not needing to speak a word, he would be satisfied. But he doubted this would last all day. Even with the best intentions, Toshiro was sure to say _something,_ and really anything could trigger him right now. Even Yukio knew he was on thin ice, and one wrong move could plunge him into the painful, icy depths of his past.

Both done eating, Toshiro allowed a couple more minutes of strained silence before he abruptly got up from the table, cleaning everything off quickly and setting the dirty dishes in the sink - he’d actually wash them later. He then returned to Yukio, noting the other had barely reacted at all. He pulled out his chair with a smooth, sure motion, Yukio’s eyes snapping up to him from the sudden action. Toshiro still didn’t say anything as he scooped him into his arms in a bridal carry, shifting him so that he was leaning against his chest. “Where do you want me to take you, Yukio?” Toshiro questioned softly, hoping to pry anything familiar out of the small blonde. He felt so wonderful in his arms but Toshiro was still focused more on Yukio’s well-being and how out-of-it he was.

Yukio was taken aback and completely unprepared for the question, and very much disturbed by how comfortable he was in Toshiro’s arms. Yukio wanted to maintain distance, and it was much too difficult to do with Toshiro acting like he had the previous weekend - completely and irrationally in love with him. He honestly didn’t know where to tell Toshiro to take him, knowing that anywhere would likely be more intimate and alone than he wanted. “I guess just… somewhere to sit down comfortably would be fine,” he finally replied, the uncertainty and pent-up emotion lingering in his voice.

Toshiro’s eyes softened at the sheer amount of emotion just beneath the surface of his words. Yukio was clearly processing a lot and Toshiro’s heart ached for him. He brought them to the sitting room which had full-length windows that let in the natural light and afforded a clear view of the woods Toshiro had always adored. Even more so since last weekend, fondly remembering that first, passionate kiss with Yukio. 

He glanced between the couch and the armchair before choosing the armchair to settle them in. He didn’t want Yukio moving away from him, at least not as easily as he could on a couch. If he slipped from him and placed himself apart, Toshiro would allow him to, but until that moment he wanted to be as connected to him as possible. He settled himself in the chair, his back leaned against it, his arms coming to wrap around Yukio’s small form, pulling him against his chest, set sidewise upon his lap. He nuzzled into his fine blonde hair, loving again how perfectly he always felt each and every time he held him. He felt contentment fill his heart again that Yukio allowed him this, and he murmured out, “Love you, Yukio.”

Yukio’s heart stopped for far too long. Hearing Toshiro’s soft, loving voice say the words he had been reading all week in text messages caused his breath to hitch. And with that, the dam broke, and tears fell from Yukio’s eyes with absolutely no forewarning. He couldn’t even bear to lean into Toshiro’s chest for comfort. He didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve _any_ of this. He knew in the end this would only end in pain for both of them, likely more for Toshiro, which made Yukio’s heart clench torturously in his chest. This wasn’t the first time Toshiro had seen him like this, but the first time was overwhelming happiness, realizing Toshiro really did love him and _wanted_ to treat him well.

But this… 

This was pure, soul-deep anguish. 

As Yukio began to shake and cry in his arms, Toshiro held him tighter. Yukio wasn’t exactly leaning into him, but he wasn’t trying to run either. He’d seen this plaguing him since he’d arrived, growing clearer and closer to the surface each minute Yukio was with him. He pressed kisses into the fine blonde hair, gently saying, “It’s fine, Yukio, you can let go. You don’t need to hide from me. I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere. I’m _yours_ Yukio, I belong to you, never forget that. Love you so much, Yukio.”

Toshiro’s words only drove Yukio further into his despair. He couldn’t understand what that meant - loving and belonging to _him._ As much as it pained him to do so, Yukio shifted to stand from Toshiro’s lap, turning and backing away from him, his eyes to the floor. He wrapped his arms around his own stomach as an attempt to keep his hands from shaking, but it really didn’t help. He tried to muster a bit of confidence as he looked up to meet Toshiro’s eyes. “You _can’t,”_ he said, but his voice was still riddled with emotion, and he clenched his eyes shut and shook his head, frustrated with his own lack of control.

Toshiro allowed him to slip from him, saddened that Yukio was denying himself the comfort he wanted to give him. At his simple declaration, Toshiro shook his head, a demand in his tone as he said, “Yukio, look at me.”

Yukio tried to control at least his breathing as he slowly obeyed, not truly wanting to. The determination in Toshiro’s bright teal eyes only served to dishearten Yukio. There was nothing the man could say or do to make his mistakes disappear.

“Listen to me,” Toshiro said clearly, soft, caring, but determined teal eyes holding miserable emerald. “I will never tell you that you can or can’t do something. Because I’m not inside your mind. I can tell you that I believe in you, but there’s little I can do to convince yourself, so you’ll never hear me say that to you. Just the same, you don’t know what’s inside _my_ mind, what I can and can’t do. I _can_ be here for you. I _can_ love you. I _can_ be yours and belong to you. 

“I already do. 

“You already know how this works for me Yukio, I could have never reacted to you physically if I _couldn’t_ love you - I _only_ was able to do so because I _do._ And that desire hasn’t left me - only grown. Because I’m only _more_ in love with you every day. There’s nothing you could say or do to change that. Even if you abandoned me right here and now, I would be hurt - most likely broken - but I’d _still_ love you. This week… I’ve never felt more at peace, and I’ll never regret giving myself to you. I _love_ you, Yukio. I _can_ and I _do.”_

Yukio wasn’t at all encouraged by Toshiro’s words. In fact, they just caused more anxiety to enter his heart. Because the facts that were bound to spill soon would only cause Toshiro more pain as they broke down that certainty. “You don’t understand. You think you _know_ me, just because you spent three months with me and you figured out what I like to eat? You think we _belong_ together just because we had sex? I think you know that’s not true, at least not for me. What you know about me doesn’t even scratch the surface!” Yukio’s voice escalated until he was all but yelling, defiantly attempting to get through to Toshiro before he _really_ hurt him. 

He couldn’t look at him anymore, glassy emerald eyes turning to the floor again as he bit his lip, trying to keep from actively sobbing. He couldn’t watch Toshiro’s expression as his heart fell. If Toshiro let go of him now, it would save them both some misery, because then at least he would never have to know what was hiding in the shadows of Yukio’s past.

“No,” Toshiro said quietly but sure and clear and he knew Yukio could still hear every word. “We _belong_ together because I do _know_ you. I know how guarded you are, while still caring for me. I know you don’t want to hurt me. I know you love me _and_ you want me. I know you’re convinced I _shouldn’t_ love you, that there are things you’ve done you’re not proud of, that you think will hurt me if I know them. That you’re convinced if I let you go now, somehow I’ll be less hurt. Which is ridiculous, for two reasons. 

“No amount of information - or lack of information - would make losing you less painful to me because it wouldn’t have any affect on my love for you. What I _can’t_ do is let that go. Additionally, _everyone_ has things in their past they’re not proud of. Myself included. But I know if I told you, you’d still love me. You still wouldn’t want to hurt me. Because I know who you _are_ Yukio, and that person isn’t the sum of what you’ve _done.”_

Yukio listened, but still couldn’t bring himself to look up. He absolutely couldn’t look Toshiro in the eyes if he was going to admit to this. Only one other person in his entire life had known what happened when he was a child, and Riruka had chosen not to address it. She had accepted it as a part of his past and then completely ignored it. She hadn’t tried to heal the trauma, help him work through the obvious pain, _nothing._ And perhaps she couldn’t. Not everyone could deal with these things well. But perhaps Toshiro _could._ If he could get through the story, maybe Toshiro could actually _help him._ Toshiro sure seemed convinced that he at least wouldn’t think any differently of him. So, Yukio took a deep, only somewhat steadying breath before speaking, determined to tell him everything. If he stopped, emotion would take over, and he would never be able to bring it up again.

“When I was a child, I didn’t speak to people. My parents thought it was because I didn’t love them, or something was wrong with me… I could tell they didn’t care to learn the real reason so I never felt compelled to explain, knowing it wouldn’t make a difference. But they decided they didn’t have time to deal with an emotionless, handicapped child. 

“They sequestered me in an empty room in the house, informing me they would give me things if I verbally asked for them, only really interacting with me if it was to make sure I was still alive. At least, that was how it felt. Eventually - after that was unsuccessful - I guess in an attempt to bribe me to speak, or earn my love, they started giving me things - mostly computers and video games. But they never really spoke to me, either. They never said they loved me, never did anything but add to my collection of material things. 

“Having so much time to myself, and only technology around me, I got really good with computers. I was actually furious with my parents for thinking so little of me because I was a child - like my thoughts weren’t as valuable because of my age, that a child isn’t an equal human being. For not loving me because I wasn’t exactly what they wanted their son to be. They didn’t _deserve_ to hear my voice, to listen to me speak what was on my mind. I just wanted them to love me and respect me, but I knew they weren’t capable of that. 

“My own parents weren’t able to love me. 

“I was suffering, and they never noticed. I wanted to punish them for that. So, I hacked into all of my father’s business accounts and stole every penny. 

“I was ten years old when I did that. Fearing I would be caught, I ran away. I never really thought twice about it, knowing my parents wouldn’t miss me. I hid for as long as I could, surviving with the money I had stolen but never telling anyone my real name. 

“All that running became unnecessary when, a few months later, the headlines were filled with the news of my parents’ suicide,” Yukio paused as emotion filled his heart again, tears falling to the floor. He took a few shuddering breaths before continuing. “I’m the reason they died. I stole their money - the one thing in the world they actually loved - and they decided they would rather _die_ than live without it. 

“I _killed_ my _parents,_ and every day I have to conduct my own business and _hate myself_ for having built everything I have from the money I gained at the price of their lives.”

Toshiro listened to every pain-filled word, very careful not to interrupt him in any way and to make sure Yukio had finished speaking. When quiet settled again in the room, silent save for Yukio’s restrained tears, Toshiro leaned forward, taking both of his shaking hands in his own and pulling him back towards himself. Yukio was more fragile in this moment than he’d ever seen before, so out of it that Toshiro didn’t think he was even fully aware of him gently lifting him back into his lap, his arms encircling him tightly. So instead of words, which he knew Yukio had a difficult time believing anyway, Toshiro cupped his face and - uncaring of the still falling tears - kissed him with as much love and comfort as he could possibly convey. 

Yukio jerked quite violently at the contact, but Toshiro didn’t even flinch away. It took several long moments for Yukio to even realize what was happening. Toshiro had pulled him back, and he was _kissing him._ Nothing about the kiss was demanding or passionate, and Yukio was distinctly aware that he had never been kissed like this before - with all the _love_ Toshiro could muster. He didn’t think anyone could ever hear that story and still want him close to them. It was why he cut everyone off. It was why he had resorted to hooking up for meaningless sex. The three people who _did_ know had never cared, and two of them - his own parents - were dead. So, it came as more than a shock when he realized…

_Toshiro still loved him._

Yukio’s heart was pounding beneath his ribs, and he swore it was the only sound he could hear. He had to break away from Toshiro’s lips for the sake of breathing, because he really felt like he couldn’t, and as he gasped in labored breaths, he threw his arms around Toshiro’s neck and pressed himself against him as firmly as he could. He buried his face in the side of Toshiro’s neck, not able to do anything but try to let the relief take over the anxiety that still flooded him.

With Yukio pressing himself against him and _finally_ allowing Toshiro to comfort him, Toshiro loosened his arms and brought his hands to gently touch his back and hair in the same way he had before, each motion soothing and full of reverent love. Yukio was still quietly crying but his shaking was subsiding as he relaxed into Toshiro. He nuzzled and kissed the soft blonde hair, allowing several minutes to pass before he spoke, “Yukio, I need you to listen to me. I never knew my parents so I have no idea what it feels like to lose them. But you _didn’t_ kill yours. You were _ten,_ you lashed out because you were in _pain,_ hurt by the people who were supposed to love you the most. _They_ caused that, by not loving you. And _they_ made the decision to die rather than live poor and destitute. You had no power over either of those decisions. I can’t possibly blame you or think less of you for this. Love you, Yukio.”

Yukio forced himself to relax under Toshiro’s loving touch and words. He repeated his words in his mind - Yukio had no power over what his parents had done - Toshiro didn’t blame him - didn’t think less of him - he _loved_ him. Yukio’s voice was quiet, but he couldn’t really seem to gather the strength to speak more confidently as he said, “I’m so glad. I don’t know what I would have done if you had wanted me to leave. No one else… knows this besides Riruka, and she… she pretends that part of my past doesn’t exist. I didn’t want you to ignore it, or worse, hate me for it. If you couldn’t fully accept how much this still hurts to admit, and… maybe, help me through it, I would have never felt like I could be close to you. 

“This is why I’m _not_ close to people. There’s this _huge_ part of myself that even I don’t want to face, and I just don’t want to give others the opportunity to judge me for it. So I cut myself off, honestly believing no one would ever want to know anyway. But I _needed_ to tell you, because if we’re going to stay together, I wanted to give you the opportunity to get away from me before we both wasted any more of our time.” A smile came to Yukio’s face, and he gave a soft laugh. “But you don’t want to get away from me. You love me.”

“I do,” Toshiro said with quiet confidence, “And I know that isn’t going to fade. Yukio, I told you I loved you a week ago, but I’ve known the truth of my feelings for you since that first month. But to _really_ love you - to know it would _last_ and I wouldn’t just get my heart broken again - I had to be certain that _you_ loved _me._ Last week, everything you did, the tone of your voice, and then the way you reacted to the food I had made… I knew I had to tell you, but in my heart I was certain you loved me too. I was just terrified you’d run anyway, deny your own feelings and reject mine. I’m so grateful you didn’t, that you allowed me to love you. I never want to get away from you, Yukio… I… I never want you to leave. I want you to stay, right here, with me.”

“It was difficult for me to own up to, and honestly you were right to be afraid I’d run away. Because I wanted to. Several times. But I didn’t because I _do_ love you, Toshiro. Imagining how much pain you’d be in - and _seeing_ how much pain it caused when I did almost leave - actually broke my heart. I didn’t know what love felt like, but now I know that at least part of it means hurting when the person you love is hurting, and wanting to do everything you can to make that right,” Yukio said, finally voicing the feelings he had been allowing to gather in his heart and go mostly unspoken. He had told Toshiro he loved him, but even then he hadn’t really _understood._ And Yukio was sure he would continue to learn what love really meant, but he was also sure Toshiro would be willing to teach him.

“And you say you never want me to leave, but I will have to go home eventually,” Yukio added with a small chuckle. He had finally relaxed in Toshiro’s arms, and he looked up, still smiling when he met gorgeous teal eyes.

"What if…" Toshiro whispered, watching beautiful emerald eyes closely with a slight note of longing in his voice, "...you were already home?" 

Yukio’s heart skipped as he fully comprehended what Toshiro was implying. He glanced at the windows that lined the room, looking out at the forest beyond the manicured backyard. This place already held better memories than his own home did… and he would never have to leave the one person who ever gave him love, respect, and acceptance. 

“I guess… I am home, aren’t I?” he murmured as he brought his gaze back to Toshiro. He couldn’t help the bright smile that came to his lips just before he moved one hand to bury it in Toshiro’s hair, not curling his fingers around it as he usually would, only using his open hand to direct Toshiro down into a flurry of light, gentle kisses, speaking between each one, “Love you - so much - Toshiro - thank you - for _everything.”_ Then he held the contact, melting into Toshiro’s lips and finally allowing himself to really _feel_ the safety and security only this man could provide.

The grip in his hair was familiar but… different. As was the feeling of Yukio melting into _him._ He’d always maintained such control that Toshiro groaned at the heat that flooded him over the difference, of Yukio so clearly yielding to _him._ Yukio _never_ yielded control, and yet he _was._

To him.

Toshiro’s hands moved to bury themselves into Yukio’s fine blonde hair, as he’d done to him several times. Toshiro’s hold was steady, simply keeping Yukio in place but achingly gentle as he swiped his tongue at his lips, groaning as Yukio actually parted them and allowed him to gently and thoroughly explore _his_ mouth.

Yukio gave a broken moan as Toshiro so confidently took control, and he felt protected - cherished - with every single one of his movements. He allowed him to continue, relenting every bit of tension in his body, every bit of himself that might still think it needed to defend itself. He was _safe_ with Toshiro. His hand trembled a bit as he removed it from Toshiro’s hair, both hands trailing down to rest against Toshiro’s chest, completely lax and trusting.

As Yukio melted even more against him, allowing him full control and surrendering, Toshiro was hit with an overwhelming wave of emotion, filled with the want to claim, need to protect, and heady responsibility. Yukio was giving himself to him, in the same way Toshiro had just one week ago. But Toshiro knew that Yukio simply didn’t do this - with any of the people he’d been with in the past - and Toshiro refused to take advantage of his emotional upheaval like that, no matter how much desire coursed through him at the act of Yukio submitting so perfectly. So he gently broke the kiss, whining himself a bit as he did so, to look into Yukio’s glassy emerald eyes. “Yukio,” he murmured, “I don’t know how far you want me to take this. I want you, so much, but it would break my heart to take advantage of you in any way…”

Yukio smiled, bringing a hand up to cup Toshiro’s cheek. “As far as you want. It doesn’t matter what you do to me, I know you’ll take care of me. I trust you,” he replied, his voice lighter than it had ever been even in Yukio’s own memory. His entire life, he figured. Though, he _knew_ beyond the shadow of a doubt that he had _never_ trusted anyone else with his own body the way he was trusting Toshiro in this moment.

Toshiro gave him a very heated smile as he repeated, “As far as I want… Yukio, there isn’t a thing I don’t want to do to you, things I haven’t been able to do to _anyone,_ so make sure you’re certain because there’s a lot I want to try. I’ll always take care of you though - no matter what, I’ll never betray your trust. Nothing is more important to me than that.”

Yukio laughed. “I’m sure none of it will come as a surprise to me. Of course, it may be my first time being on the receiving end of some things. I’ve actually… never been able to relent enough control to let anyone inside me. But don’t let that make you nervous. If you’re not comfortable doing that yet, I’m not _asking_ you to. Really… there’s not a damn thing I wouldn’t let _you_ do to me. Only you,” he assured Toshiro, his smile and the confidence in his words never faltering.

Toshiro never knew he could feel so _possessive_ so quickly but it was like Yukio’s words had flipped a switch inside of him and now claiming his body became his primary goal. He was probably nervous, somewhere in there, but what little there was of that feeling was completely swallowed by a possessive desire to have this man in a way no one had before - a way _only Toshiro_ would ever be allowed to have him. The moan he released had an edge to it - almost like a growl - as he easily shifted Yukio’s smaller body to straddle his own. He stood from the chair, lifting Yukio as he did so and started kissing along his jaw and neck. His touch was heated but still revenant, not rushing at all, still learning his body and focusing on every reaction to know what made him feel good. As he continued making out against his neck, mouthing along his jaw, and playing with the lobe of Yukio’s ear, his feet carried them back to his - their - bedroom.

Yukio only put in enough effort to keep himself supported in Toshiro’s arms, completely thrilled by the change in the normally passive man. Usually, he would fight personalities like this, usually Renji or Shuhei would playfully challenge his authority, and making them bend to him was a heated game, but with Toshiro, he simply allowed it. He let every moan and hitched breath easily slip by his control, heat inundating his body as Toshiro’s mouth explored as it wished. By the time he was even aware that they had made it to the bedroom, Yukio’s eyes were closed and his mouth was slightly open, just _feeling_ everything Toshiro wanted from him and reveling in every single moment that he didn’t feel threatened by someone else claiming authority.

Toshiro placed Yukio gently towards the center of the bed, removing his own shirt but keeping his pants on for now. It was still difficult for him to think completely clearly while being thoroughly aroused, the sensation being so rare to him before now, and he knew that being completely bare against Yukio’s gorgeous skin wasn’t going to allow him to keep control over himself.

And he wanted to take his time.

He crawled over to Yukio, his hands finding the hem of his shirt and pushing it up, kissing every inch of exposed skin that was slowly revealed to his questing mouth. He slowly and thoroughly mapped out every line of muscle, taking careful note of Yukio’s every reaction. Yukio actually squirmed when he sucked just below his lower ribs and Toshiro grinned, repeating the action.

Yukio gave a low groan that sounded a bit like a growl, the arousal that hit him at Toshiro’s actions unexpected and sudden. He forced himself to relax, though, feeling familiar frustration surfacing at being so incredibly at Toshiro’s mercy. It was easy to submit when all Toshiro was doing was claiming his mouth, but when he began to take control over Yukio’s pleasure - something he had never given anyone liberty to do - the sensation almost drove him to demand control back. But he held tensely still, leveling his breathing and grounding himself by bringing one hand to Toshiro’s hair, not holding or pulling, just running his fingers through it, the now familiar feel of it reminding him who he was with as his eyes closed to the room, allowing his mind to focus only on the pleasure Toshiro was bringing him. He _knew_ he could trust Toshiro with this.

Toshiro felt the tension within Yukio’s body, noted how he forced himself to calm only to tense again and repeat as Toshiro worked his mouth over his smooth skin. He looked up, seeing Yukio had his eyes closed, lips slightly parted as he breathed deep. "Yukio…" Toshiro said gently but firmly. "You're doing so lovely, allowing me to pleasure your body. Just remember, you are _allowing_ me to do so. I know you are usually never without control. You can take it back at any time, love. I don't mind. I'm not _taking_ your control from you, I'm just _taking care_ of you. I would do anything for you, my beautiful Yukio…" He returned to mouthing along the top of Yukio's abs, pushing the shirt up further so his entire chest was visible, moving slowly towards a petite, rosy nipple. 

Yukio whimpered at Toshiro’s words, fighting himself as he continued to expose and explore his skin, the pace agonizingly slow for what Yukio was accustomed to. He wasn’t accustomed to _any_ of this, and it all made his heart pound at the prospect of actually giving himself to Toshiro. But he didn’t even know what he would ask Toshiro to do. His mind was rather overwhelmed with conflicting emotions, between what he _wanted_ and what he was convinced he _needed._ “Toshiro… I love you. Love you so much,” he whispered, really to remind _himself._ What he needed was to know that he _could_ give up to this man. If he could do that, he could do anything. He took a deep, shaky breath, allowing himself to fully relax into the comfort of the bed as Toshiro proceeded up his body with his mouth. 

Toshiro smiled as Yukio settled completely under him, obviously making the decision to allow Toshiro to keep pleasuring him. His tongue found one small nipple, teasing at the skin and humming as it stiffened, sucking on it and giving more attention as Yukio arched into his mouth and made a delicious sound that had Toshiro groaning as well. 

Yukio thought his entire body caught fire when Toshiro began to give such careful attention to his nipple. It was ridiculous, really, that he had been with so many other partners and reacted so strongly to something like this. But, no one had ever done anything like this to him before - he had never _let_ anyone do this to him. Yukio had never given anyone full access to his body before, and he was beginning to think that if Toshiro continued to exploit every reaction he elicited, he wasn’t going to last as long as he would have liked to think before starting to beg. He was already fully hard, and when he glanced down to see Toshiro so thoroughly enjoying himself, he couldn’t help the low groan that was pulled from the back of his throat.

Toshiro released the nipple, grinning at Yukio’s state as he was sent deeper into pleasure. His breathing was already erratic and the sounds he made sent a wondrous thrill through Toshiro, knowing that he was reacting to the pleasure _Toshiro_ was eliciting from his gorgeous body. He slowly made his way across the top of Yukio's chest to the other nipple, giving it the same treatment as the first. 

Yukio could hardly hold back from actually attempting to grind into Toshiro, whatever part of him he could reach, because the mounting heat in his core was nearly unbearable. “Ah - Toshiro - need you - want to kiss you - feel you on top of me - please,” he begged. He couldn’t stand the separation anymore, and he instantly understood why Toshiro had felt the need to touch him when they had done this a week prior. The contact almost felt crucial, like he would actually crawl out of his skin if he didn’t have it. He needed _something_ to calm him. He needed to know that Toshiro was there, which seemed like a ridiculous desire - he could _see_ him - but that didn’t change the need he felt to _feel_ him. 

Toshiro recognized that note of need in Yukio’s voice, from how _he_ had sounded just one week prior. He remembered the overwhelming need to have Yukio close, to feel him, and he immediately fully removed Yukio's shirt and settled his body completely against him, groaning himself at the contact of his chest flush against Yukio’s. He captured Yukio in a deep kiss, sliding his tongue inside as Yukio obediently parted his lips to him, moaning into his sweet mouth as he surrendered to his gentle yet demanding tongue. 

As Toshiro settled over him and so skillfully claimed his mouth, Yukio felt the sharp heat in his body spread and level out into a pleasurable hum of warmth that allowed him to actually _enjoy_ Toshiro’s attention instead of tensing up in response to it. When Yukio let his hands wander over Toshiro’s back, slowly investigating every inch he could reach, he only felt himself sinking further into the gentle authority of Toshiro’s mouth and body. When Yukio needed him, Toshiro had responded instantly, bringing him the peace he needed and telling him that it was definitely alright to let all of the power go. So he did, and Yukio groaned into Toshiro’s mouth at the feeling. It was like the entire world melted away, and all that mattered was himself and Toshiro, and really, in that moment, that _was_ all that mattered to Yukio. 

Toshiro moaned deeply into Yukio’s mouth as he melted even more, becoming pliant and docile and Toshiro was moving against him before he realized it. Both still had their pants on and Toshiro released a frustrated whimper at the feeling of fabric between them. He had done that on purpose to help keep control but now it was in the way. He gently pulled away from the kiss, stating clearly, remembering how it felt when he thought Yukio was leaving him, "I'm going to remove the rest of our clothing love. I'm not going anywhere. Love you, my Yukio."

Yukio nodded, relaxed enough now that he only nodded instead of tensing or trying to follow, watching as Toshiro moved and having absolutely no doubts that he wasn’t going to leave. It was another ridiculous thought - Toshiro had never been a flight risk. But something in Yukio’s mind wanted him as close as he could possibly have him, touching him somehow at all times. At this point, with his trust in Toshiro solidified, the exchange of control wasn’t even unnerving, and these strange thoughts and anxieties were just small blips in Yukio’s mind. Every move Toshiro made, every time he touched him, it brought him back into the comfort of knowing that he _could_ trust. Despite everything he previously believed about himself, he could place all of himself in Toshiro’s hands.

Toshiro quickly removed the rest of his own clothing before carefully doing the same to Yukio. He seemed so comfortable now and relaxed, Toshiro didn't want to disrupt that state at all. When he was completely nude before him, Toshiro stared in awe. Yukio was stunningly beautiful. His body was small but it was covered in subtlety toned, lean muscle. Toshiro knew he loved to dance, which was likely what kept him in such excellent shape, and Toshiro vowed to himself that he would go out with him to do so, as often as he desired. He didn't really mind dancing himself, _especially_ with his beautiful Yukio. He actually thought it'd probably be enjoyable, going out _with_ his partner, not having to worry about finding someone there. 

He ran his finger tips along his body, curving along his legs, ass, hips, and down the sharp v-line to his straining cock. He grasped it around the base, leaning down to hover over him, teal eyes directed upward towards Yukio’s adorably hot, flushed face as he said, "I want to taste you, love."

Yukio had completely given up on holding back any reactions at this point, breathing heavily, groaning and whimpering as Toshiro touched his completely bare body. He was entirely certain that if Toshiro touched his cock with that amazing mouth, he would come rather quickly. Just Toshiro holding it the way he was had intense heat gathering and building again to alarming heights. “Fuck, yes, please - but I’ll come if you do - I know I will,” he warned.

Toshiro gave him a seductive smile, teal eyes dark as he responded, "Good - because I want to _taste_ you." With that he lowered his head to be able to lick the hard length in his hand firmly, loving how utterly responsive Yukio was like this. 

Yukio cried out and arched into the contact, only barely conscious enough to not actually thrust his hips too far. “Ah - Toshiro - please, want to feel your mouth - please,” the words were spilling from him before they even registered as a thought. No one had ever been so focused on _his_ pleasure before, and it took such a burden from his mind to know that he was being cared for, that he didn’t have to always make himself the priority, because that was for Toshiro to do when they were this way, and he was doing a damn good job as far as Yukio was concerned. 

Toshiro immediately complied to the desperate plea, moaning around the head of Yukio’s cock as he got his first taste of him. He decided he loved it and he didn't care if it was mostly his loved-filled lust for this man that made everything about him appealing to him or not. Yukio was the only one he would ever remotely consider doing this to anyway. 

He didn't take him in much further, knowing Yukio was ridiculously close to the edge and while in theory he understood what would happen, he'd never tried this before and didn't want to choke. He needed to show Yukio he could rely on him when like this, that he didn't need to be concerned about him. So instead he liberally used his tongue to stimulate him, pumping what wasn't actually in his mouth with his fist, moaning around him as more of his precum hit his tongue. 

Yukio was a mess of moans and sentence fragments, his voice barely recognizable around the sounds exiting his lips. The hot, wet sensation of Toshiro’s mouth on him was overwhelmingly pleasurable, and combined with the smooth motion of his hand, he was on the edge in what felt like no time at all. Trembling hands moved to lightly thread fingers into Toshiro’s hair, no force behind the action at all. But looking down as Toshiro lavished his cock with attention had Yukio throwing his head back on the pillow and trying in vain to make this last longer. “Toshiro - I’m going to - come,” he panted, holding back until he had acknowledgment and approval. 

Toshiro nodded his head slightly, sucking around him and firmly gripping Yukio’s narrow hip with his free hand as his other increased the rate of pumping his cock. He was ready and he wanted to know what this would feel and taste like. Yukio was already divine to him so he was filled with anticipation and longing to have Yukio fill his mouth like this. Another first, but Toshiro wasn't really bothering to keep track anymore. Nearly everything they did was entirely both novel and exciting for him. 

Yukio barely felt Toshiro nod, but he fully recognized by his subsequent actions that he was ready, and it certainly didn’t take more than a few seconds for Yukio to be pulled over the edge, heat exploding under every inch of his skin as an intense climax claimed him. His mouth opened in a silent scream as his breath was taken with its force. His hands tightened around Toshiro’s hair, but didn’t push or pull, really just providing something to hold onto, because Yukio felt like he was actually falling as the initial rush waned into warm aftershocks before his entire body went lax on the bed.

Toshiro’s throat closed up on its own from the surprise of the sensation of being so abruptly and rapidly filled, but his lips remained tightly sealed around Yukio so not a drop escaped, collecting in his mouth. When Yukio became spent and lax, Toshiro carefully swallowed around him, moaning at the feeling and taste. He continued to gently suck and clean him, taking him further into his mouth now that he wasn't as hard and it was easier to do. He managed to fit him completely, holding him in his mouth, enjoying the feeling of him filling his mouth, his taste still upon his tongue as he gently continued to lick him, keeping him from further softening but trying not to overstimulate him. 

Yukio shivered at the feeling of being surrounded by Toshiro’s mouth even after releasing. As experienced as he was in actual sex, and as many times are he had practically demanded that others do this to him, no one had ever done so in quite this _way._ He supposed this was yet another context in which he would have to get used to Toshiro’s kindness. 

A comforting, constant warmth accompanied Toshiro’s actions, and he actually felt himself responding again already to the light, gentle stimulation. “Only you… only you could do this to me,” Yukio murmured, running his hands through Toshiro’s hair and not demanding a single thing from him. Clearly anything Toshiro did to him would feel amazing, and Yukio didn’t care at all that the pleasure was likely at least partially due to the actual _love_ he felt for this man. 

Toshiro whimpered at the statement, that this guarded man was _his_ and allowing him such unlimited access to his gorgeous body. He felt Yukio gradually grow back to full hardness in his mouth as he slowly and gently stimulated him, keeping him in his mouth the entire time, breathing with his nose. Every minute that passed, it got easier to do, even as Yukio became hard enough to press against the back of his throat. Saliva collected and he had to swallow around him, keeping his gag reflex in check though it brought tears to his eyes to do. He didn't care, because this became easier the longer he did it, his brilliant mind entirely focused on figuring out how to bring Yukio the most pleasure while also moving in ways that weren't uncomfortable for himself. 

Yukio groaned as Toshiro swallowed around him, the sensation around his now hard length causing a more pressing heat to wash over him. Suddenly, he felt like he couldn’t go another minute without feeling this man in every way he could. He _needed_ to be claimed. “Toshiro… want to feel you. Want you inside me - please. I didn’t want to keep you from what you want… but I want to be _yours_ \- fully and completely,” he requested. His voice was still soft, not traced with pleading or desperation. If he had to wait, his mind was convinced that Toshiro had his best interest in mind. He wouldn’t deprive him for the purpose of spite or torture. If he delayed in obliging him, there would be a reason, and Yukio had a feeling he probably wouldn’t mind. 

Toshiro carefully withdrew, kissing up Yukio’s beautifully responsive body to murmur in his ear, "I'll make you mine, fully and completely, my gorgeous Yukio. But I'm going to go very slow with you because, although I've played with myself before, I've never prepared another to take me. You're my first at nearly everything Yukio, and you'll be the only one I do these things to, that I allow to do these things to me. Because I'm entirely yours. You have my entire heart, love. So just relax and let me learn your body, I want to know everything about you and I refuse to hurt you."

Yukio whined at Toshiro’s utterly tender, heartfelt words. No one had ever even _talked_ to him that way before. He shifted his hands to wrap his arms around Toshiro’s shoulders, holding him and silently begging him to never, _ever_ leave. “Love you so much. I can’t believe… you’re actually mine. I’ve never done anything to deserve you,” he said, emotion tracing every word. He was a bit baffled that Toshiro could pull these responses from him, but he knew it was because he trusted him not to hurt him. It didn’t matter how vulnerable he became, or what he said or did, Toshiro would always love him, and Yukio had never been loved before. 

It was freeing, now that he was past the initial anxiety of allowing himself to be controlled. But Toshiro would never abuse that power, as Yukio had himself so many times before. Every time he thought of the distinct differences between them and their treatments of others, he was only more convinced that he didn’t _deserve_ anything Toshiro was giving him, but somehow Toshiro’s heart had decided to give it all anyway, and Yukio had never been so grateful. 

"I don't think it has anything to do with what you do or don't deserve." Toshiro said softly into his ear, placing a gentle kiss before raising his head to look into gorgeous emerald eyes. "I'm yours because you actually returned my love, allowed me to love you, and I know I can trust you with my heart. 

"I _know_ who you _are_ Yukio, it doesn't matter to me what you've done before meeting me. I care that it affects you, I want to help you accept it as part of your past and help you to actually heal, but it has no bearing on my love for you. I fell in love with you because of who you actually _are._ You're guarded, defensive, with sharper edges than my own, but you're also brilliant, witty, brutally honest, gorgeous and under all that, you're actually very kind, your heart is so warm - it's just neglected. 

"And I want to spend the rest of my life, every day, making sure you don't go a minute without _knowing_ that you're so completely loved. Because you _do_ deserve to be loved, Yukio, and I hope… someday… you can see that, believe it… learn to love yourself."

Yukio gasped when tears fell from his eyes, and he immediately pulled one hand from around Toshiro to wipe them away. He felt his face flush, rather humiliated. “Why are you making me cry like this? Crying when we’re about to have sex really just doesn’t seem right,” Yukio said with a small laugh. 

Toshiro grinned before kissing his nose. "Sorry, can't help myself, just more of my sickening kindness I guess. You're supposed to get used to it, remember? Because every word is true and I can't help but tell you. I'll tell you every day, Yukio, continue to do so long after you finally, really believe me, because every day it'll only be more true. And I absolutely adore your laugh. Love every sound you make. I think I'll try to see how vocal I can get you…" Toshiro said as his voice lowered, becoming husky, teal eyes darkening as he sat up and admired Yukio’s body, "You're so achingly beautiful, Yukio. I can't believe… you're actually mine. That I get to be the only one to claim you…" Toshiro groaned, his hands reverently running down his body again. 

Every thought and clever comeback that had entered Yukio’s mind vanished instantly when Toshiro’s admiring hands trailed over his skin. He immediately relaxed again, his eyes fluttering shut and a low hum issuing from his throat. He let his head fall to the side, exposing the side of his neck and honestly making him feel even _more_ vulnerable toward Toshiro. But, really, even if his mind tried to fight vehemently against the idea, it was exactly what his heart and body wanted. “All yours, Toshiro,” he whispered.

Toshiro shivered and moaned at the words, his hand traveling up to brush his fingertips across Yukio’s exposed neck, "Mine. My Yukio," he said softly, teal eyes filled with love, possession, and heated desire. He leaned over to the bedside table, grabbing the bottle of lube from the drawer and slicked the fingers of his right hand. He dropped the bottle next to him before reaching down to lightly circle Yukio’s entrance, lowering his mouth to kiss and gently suck at Yukio’s exposed neck, teal eyes watching and noting every reaction. 

Yukio gave a shuddering moan, forcing himself to relax as he felt Toshiro’s fingers at his entrance. He wanted to push back onto them, and he wasn’t really aware that he did slightly, unable to really control his own reactions. His breath hitched when Toshiro sucked at his neck, groaning brokenly when he reached the place where his neck met his shoulder, that small space seeming much more sensitive than the rest. How in the world Toshiro kept finding these places on his body was beyond him, but he had said he wanted to intimately know his body, and he was certainly succeeding. 

Toshiro grinned against his skin at the reaction before sucking harder, using Yukio’s pleasure-filled distraction to gently push his finger into his incredibly tight body. Yukio had still tensed around the likely completely new sensation and Toshiro stilled it within him, giving him all the time he needed to relax while he continued to map out every centimeter of his exposed neck with his mouth. 

A chill shot down Yukio’s spine at the feeling of being penetrated, and he couldn’t hold back the half-whine, half-moan that surfaced as a result of so much simultaneous stimulation. To be so inexperienced at these things, Toshiro was working his body _perfectly._ He shifted his hips a bit, trying to grow more accustomed to the feeling of something inside him. Honestly, he had never had any interest in even exploring himself this way, doing so for so many others that the idea just didn’t appeal to him. He was only familiar with preparing others, so feeling it for himself was completely foreign, but all the more wonderful knowing that Toshiro was literally the _only_ one to ever touch him this way.

As Yukio relaxed and shifted against his finger, Toshiro flexed it within him, gently stretching before sinking it just a bit further and repeating the process. He remembered well the first time he'd done this to himself, how pain had spiked through his body whenever he'd moved too quickly and he was determined Yukio wouldn't feel any of that pain. When one finger was finally fully inside his small, tight body, he kept it like that for a long while, only slightly flexing to continue stretching him. He whispered against his neck how wonderful Yukio was doing, accepting him so well, repeating how beautiful he was this way, how much Toshiro completely loved him. 

Yukio took a deep breath that came out as a moan, completely relaxing now that he had accepted and grown used to the feeling of Toshiro’s finger buried within him. He wasn’t about to ask for more, knowing Toshiro would and _should_ take as much time as he felt he needed. Toshiro’s gentle words spoken against his neck, warm breath ghosting over the sensitive skin, caused Yukio to turn his head to nuzzle his cheek against Toshiro’s hair. A small, contented hum left him without his knowledge, and he felt himself sinking further into the warm, satisfying pleasure that was quickly filtering into his blood.

Toshiro smiled against his skin as he felt him further relax and nuzzle against him. Yukio had never acted so openly with affection and Toshiro only found it more heartwarmingly endearing. His body wasn't giving his single finger the slightest resistance anymore so he began thrusting with it, carefully adding a second finger as Yukio’s body continued to remain lax. 

Yukio had to try desperately to not tense up around the movement inside him, really only involuntarily doing so because it was beginning to feel amazing. When a second finger stretched him even further, he breathed deeply to relax again, not wanting Toshiro to think he was actually under any stress. “Feels good,” he forced his voice up to assure Toshiro. He turned further to kiss the hair that was against his cheek, bringing a hand up to bury his fingers into it. He had found out quickly that feeling the smooth strands between his fingers was now a comfort to him, no longer about control in this context, because he was well aware that he had given that all away. He just felt the need to feel Toshiro in any way he could when he needed to calm himself. And that was exactly what the contact did - Yukio melted only more under Toshiro. 

Recalling vividly what Yukio had done to him to make him come so his previously unused body would be more prepared to accept him, Toshiro curled his fingers as he pushed up inside of him. It took some searching but it was clear when he found Yukio’s prostate. The smaller man gave the most arousing sound Toshiro had yet heard from him and arched off the bed as his body clenched down around him like a vice. 

The sharp, overwhelming pleasure that struck Yukio when Toshiro found his prostate had him panting in seconds. Already having been very much aroused from Toshiro’s previous actions, he felt like he was pushed to the edge much too quickly, causing a burning tingle to erupt under his skin. He really couldn’t decide if it was actually pleasurable or not to be pushed so far so fast. “Gentle - it feels so good - it - it almost hurts,” Yukio stuttered, hoping what he said even made sense through the intense feeling being shoved into his body. He had never felt anything like this, so he was sure he would settle into the sensation, but it seemed to put him in a sort of shock at first.

Toshiro listened, making his way back down his body as he continued to thrust into him, stretching, but intentionally not hitting that spot. Yukio kept his fingers buried in his hair as he moved and Toshiro loved the feeling of him clinging like that, using the touch to ground him while still allowing Toshiro to move as he wanted. He hovered over his cock again, his breath washing over it as he said, "I want you to come again before I claim you, love. I want you as completely pliant and relaxed as you made me before claiming my body. I didn't feel any pain when you did that, just pressure and pleasure." He then took Yukio back into his mouth, this time sinking down to the hilt with the long practice he'd had earlier. Teal eyes looked up to carefully watch his expression as he hooked his fingers again and this time very gently pressed against Yukio’s prostate, rubbing his fingertips in a light massage against it. 

Yukio tried to calm his breathing, which had picked up again when Toshiro took his cock in his mouth again. With the gentler touch inside him, he gave a low, deep groan as it allowed the pleasure to build slower, edging him toward his climax instead of seeming to force it onto him. “Y-Yes - that’s good - so good,” he said, his voice strained with the mounting heat in his core. 

Encouraged, Toshiro continued the gentle massage within him as he began to move up and down his hard length, sucking and licking. Yukio began to move his hips with his motion, squirming a bit, like he wasn't aware he was doing it. Toshiro used his free hand to clutch his hip, allowing some movement but being sure he wouldn’t thrust unexpectedly. He was getting comfortable doing this but he knew any truly unexpected movement from Yukio would throw him off and he didn't want to worry him by choking at all. His mouth found a steady rhythm, sucking him with every motion back down on his cock, encouraging Yukio to fill him again. 

Yukio was really only aware of the ocean of pleasure he felt like he was drowning in, filled and surrounded at the same time. He had been reduced to involuntary groans and word fragments, feeling completely absent of his own body, even more so when he closed his eyes and let several shuddering breaths pass before he felt his climax approaching. He almost didn’t even want this to end, the feeling of Toshiro’s fingers slowly massaging and his mouth honestly feeling like it was fucking his hard cock, moving so incredibly sensually and deeply that it was reminiscent of plunging into another part of Toshiro’s body. Yukio had to painfully hold back when he remembered that it _was_ Toshiro’s mouth. “Need to come - please,” he begged, hardly able to make himself wait for Toshiro to be ready.

Toshiro withdrew until only half of Yukio was still in his mouth, sucking hard, encouraging him to come and pressing just slightly more against his prostate. He wasn't disappointed, Yukio releasing almost instantly, and this time he was able to more properly swallow him as he came. As Yukio shuttered and then abruptly and completely relaxed, Toshiro added a third finger, amazed when his body offered no resistance as it slipped inside to join the other two. He took him completely inside his mouth again to hold him, quickly becoming addicted to feeling him gradually become hard in his mouth as his fingers continued working on stretching him even further. 

Yukio had no choice but to relax, really, his body feeling very much spent in the best way he had ever felt in his life. And Toshiro wasn’t even finished with him. He felt Toshiro’s mouth still around him and his fingers now stretching and filling his body even more. But the sensations only served to allow him to fully let go, even more than he already had. Without the tension of painful arousal, he could focus on the pleasant tingle under his skin from being pleasured so thoroughly. He knew he was slowly recovering, but he still didn’t let go of the deep relaxation that had taken him, fully trusting Toshiro to handle him well and with care.

It took a long time before Yukio started to truly recover, growing hard again as Toshiro held him in his mouth. Toshiro groaned around him, deciding that this was one of the sexiest, most intimate things he'd ever experienced and that he'd do this for hours if Yukio would allow. He didn't mind waiting at all for Yukio to completely recover, his body completely now accepting as Toshiro thrust all three fingers within him.

He withdrew his mouth and fingers, allowing Yukio to fall from his lips, rather forlorn that it was necessary in order to sink into his body. He grabbed the bottle of lube, slicking himself and shuddering at the sensation. He likely wouldn't last long - being so completely, achingly hard for so long as he prepared his gorgeous Yukio - but he was certain he'd recover quickly himself, not having come at all yet and Yukio’s perfect body could nearly instantly make him hard now, just picturing him. 

And he was about to be _inside_ him. 

Toshiro groaned at the thought, moving back up to hover over Yukio’s mouth, saying, "I want to kiss you as I sink into you. Pull on my hair if you need to breathe with your mouth at all, if you want me to pause and give you a minute. I'll try not to come until I'm completely inside but - I know I won't last long after all that. You bring me to the edge just seeing you this way, feeling you against me. Holding back as your body _surrounds_ me will definitely not work for long. I'll stay buried deep in you though and I'll continue to kiss you until I'm hard enough to take you slowly. Alright, love?" 

Yukio nodded, unconsciously licking his lips and parting them slightly just in anticipation. He looked into bright, lust-filled teal eyes from half-lidded emerald, whining a bit just _thinking_ about what Toshiro was about to do to him. He was actually _planning_ to fill him _twice._ He fought the urge to pull him into a deep, passionate kiss now, but he stayed obedient and docile, waiting with shaking breath for Toshiro to close the distance and sink his hard length into his body. He tensed and squirmed at his own thoughts, becoming a bit impatient as Toshiro hovered over him, emerald eyes trailing down the toned, unbelievably sexy body that was about to claim him.

Toshiro positioned himself at Yukio’s entrance and, seeing him remain beautifully relaxed at the slight touch, he claimed his mouth as he sank slightly inside. The pleasure that slammed into him caused him to moan desperately into Yukio’s mouth, the smaller man immediately opening to accept his tongue, his body accepting his length at the same time. Toshiro stilled just inside him, taking a deep breath through his nose, sorting himself out through the unrelenting pleasure. 

Yukio groaned into Toshiro’s mouth, only relaxing _more_ as his body was slowly claimed for the first time. Every tiny bit that Toshiro proceeded only drove him further from reality and closer to Toshiro. _This_ was why he never allowed anyone else to be inside him. It was much too intimate for how he wanted his previous sexual encounters to be, only wanting to use them for his own pleasure instead of allowing them any reason to feel like they owned him or had any amount of a connection to him. But feeling Toshiro’s hard length easing into him, so careful not to hurt him, so loving as he also claimed his mouth, he could only submit. He didn’t want to do anything but let this man have his way with him.

Toshiro willed himself not to come until he was completely inside but it was incredibly difficult, causing him to whimper incessantly as he very slowly sank into Yukio’s body, moving as little as possible as Yukio yielded around him. He had no idea how Yukio was possibly able to do this so effortlessly; the pleasure was overwhelming. When he was fully seated within him he moaned brokenly, stilling again and just feeling his body tight and warm around him. 

Yukio’s breath shuddered and quickened through his nose, but he had no desire to break away from Toshiro’s sweet mouth. He could still breathe, and there was no way he was reducing any of the incredible connection he felt with this man. He buried his hands more thoroughly in Toshiro’s hair, groaning at the familiar, grounding sensation. He could only hope that his actions and acceptance conveyed his thoughts. He loved Toshiro more than he ever thought he could love anyone. He wanted to belong to him. He wanted to stay with him forever, never leaving the safety and comfort of his arms. 

Yukio's hands in his hair, the feeling of him completely surrendering to his kiss, his body so readily accepting, incredibly hot and tight around him… Toshiro’s hips began to move before he properly realized he was doing so, drawing out only to slowly and firmly thrust back in. He whined into Yukio’s mouth, eyes rolling back at the overwhelming pleasure. He thrust only a few more times, his kiss with Yukio becoming even deeper and more desperate. He stopped properly kissing him as it all became too much and he came, crying out into Yukio’s mouth as he filled him, claiming his beautiful body. 

Yukio heaved in labored breaths when Toshiro broke away from his mouth, and he took in Toshiro’s expression, so incredibly lost in pleasure as his climax claimed him. So much was different about this than any other sex he’d had. Not only was the foreign feeling of Toshiro’s cock spasming inside him as liquid heat filled his body driving him completely insane with lust, but he also never wanted to forget a single detail. His mind was capturing every bit of tension in Toshiro’s body until he finally calmed to allow the aftershocks to pass, and Yukio couldn’t help but feel properly - and willingly - owned by this man.

"Yukio… My beautiful, sexy, perfect Yukio… You feel so incredibly good… Mine - _Only_ mine - never letting you go… Love you so much… My Yukio…" Toshiro panted, the words falling from his lips as he continued to move within Yukio's body. He was only half hard after such an overpowering orgasm but that was more than enough to continue thrusting inside him, the sensation steadily bringing him back to full hardness within him. "Your body is so tight, feels so good - my Yukio… Never want to stop… Could do this for hours, feeling you around me… Mine, love, all mine… Going to claim you again, fill you so full - my Yukio…"

The smooth motion inside him caused Yukio’s own pleasure to mount, his body somewhat reluctantly responding, but the slow build only caused a relaxing, warm tingle to spread over his body. Toshiro’s words found their place in his mostly vacant mind, and a small smile curved Yukio’s lips as he allowed Toshiro to continue steadily fucking him. “Love you - so much… even more than my own life... I’m yours - every bit of me,” Yukio murmured, not even truly conscious that he was speaking. The mindless bliss he had sunk into was the best thing he had ever experienced, and he was absolutely certain - _only_ Toshiro could do this to him.

Toshiro claimed Yukio’s mouth again as he slowly fucked his perfect body with sure thrusts. The pleasure was building steadily within him again and within several minutes he became fully hard. He then picked up the pace, greatly increasing the pleasure, waves of heat washing over him. When he was certain he'd be able to come again and wanting to feel Yukio come around him, he broke the kiss with Yukio to gasp against his mouth, "Want to feel you, love. Want to feel you come on my cock and clench around me… I want your tight, gorgeous body to make me come…" he shifted his hips, searching for Yukio's prostate, and gasped again when he must have found it and Yukio clamped down unbelievably tight around him. 

Yukio cried out Toshiro’s name at the feeling of his cock hitting his prostate, and he couldn’t stop himself from maintaining the angle with his hips and beginning to match Toshiro’s pattern, driving himself quickly toward release. “Going to come - Toshiro,” he said around his sharp, labored breaths. Part of his mind questioned his own words, wondering why he was even bothering warning him, but the words surfaced before he was even able to think.

"Yes, Yukio - my Yukio - come for me," Toshiro groaned out. Yukio’s body was clamping down tightly around him with every thrust against his prostate and Toshiro was barely holding on. "Going to fill you as you come," he gasped, thrusting harder. 

Yukio felt like the breath was knocked from his lungs with the force of his orgasm, the heat and pleasure originating from _inside him._ He had never felt anything like it, and his entire body locked up as it washed over him, not allowing him to release the tension for what felt like long, slow minutes lost in absolute bliss. When he was finally able to at least _breathe,_ he took in several deep breaths, which still hitched with every forceful aftershock as he felt Toshiro filling him again.

Feeling Yukio come around him, triggering his own release immediately, was just as connecting and amazing as feeling him come within himself had been. There's no way Toshiro could choose. His orgasm had him burying himself as deep into his small, tight body as he could, stilling as he filled him, breathing ragged as the words fell from his lips, "So fucking good, love. You take me so well - love filling your body. My Yukio, love you so much - all mine…" 

Yukio was completely boneless under Toshiro’s body, his hands trembling to keep their place in his hair just to keep the contact. He groaned as Toshiro’s aftershocks had his cock twitching within him. Yukio had never been so exhausted, and it was the best feeling in the world. He allowed his eyes to fall shut, calming his breathing as he came down from the high and keeping his insistent - albeit shaky - grip on Toshiro’s hair.

Toshiro was so wonderfully exhausted. He shifted so most of his weight was to Yukio’s side as he cuddled into him, still inside and shaking through both of their aftershocks as Yukio’s body occasionally spasmed around him. He gently kissed his cheek and the soft blonde hair he was nuzzled into, whispering praise near his ear as they both came down, "So wonderful. So lovely, my Yukio. You're perfect. I can't believe you're all mine, love. My Yukio, love you so much…"

Yukio could only nuzzle into Toshiro, wherever he ended up he really didn’t care. Turned out, he pressed his nose into Toshiro’s jawbone, and he shifted down a bit until he was comfortably positioned with his face buried into his neck. “I’m sorry I stopped you earlier, when you were using your fingers. I didn’t know how to describe what I was feeling, it was just… _sharp_ when you pressed too hard, and I didn’t really like it,” he murmured. It had honestly been eating at his mind since he did it, requesting that Toshiro stop anything he was doing. It made him insanely guilty, because he never wanted Toshiro to think he had been complaining or disapproving. “Everything was incredible, though. _You’re_ incredible. I love you, Toshiro,” he added softly. 

Toshiro kissed his soft hair, saying, "I want you to tell me those things. I don't want to continue doing something you find uncomfortable. Just because I enjoy something doesn't mean you will - we're different people, love. You did so well, especially with speaking up, because I then knew how to make you feel better, to do a better job at pleasuring you. How you feel matters far more to me than thinking I'm doing everything right - how you feel matters more to me than _anything_ else, love. I just want to take care of you, my Yukio."

Yukio sighed and looked up into Toshiro’s gorgeous teal eyes. “You keep saying things like that and I’ll end up crying again. And crying _twice_ surrounding sex really seems like something that would be in some cheesy movie,” he quipped, gasping a bit as he laughed and his body tensed around Toshiro’s cock still inside him. “That just feels weird now,” he admitted, trying not to laugh again so he could avoid the sensation happening again.

Toshiro chuckled, gently pulling out and sitting up. He smiled as he picked Yukio up off the bed, cradled against his chest as he walked towards the bathroom. "There's no way you're not going to complain about being all sticky and leaking, as hot as it is for me to see you that way, so I'll get you cleaned up. Alright, love?" 

Yukio did try not to scowl at Toshiro, but it was a lost cause. “I am _not_ complaining. I was commenting honestly. I’d think you’d know the difference by now,” he said, though his defensive tone was rather weak and came out as teasing. He truly couldn’t be abrasive toward Toshiro anymore, and it was actually wonderful to be able to tease and be himself but not have to forcibly do so in order to hide anything. Yukio chuckled and leaned into Toshiro’s chest, resting his head on his shoulder. “Yeah, getting cleaned up sounds good. Love you, Toshiro,” he murmured, turning to press a kiss to Toshiro’s shoulder.

Toshiro smiled, "You're always honest, even when it sounds like complaining," Toshiro chuckled, "I actually love when you sound that way. It's just so completely you that it's impossibly endearing to me. Most people try to hide their discomfort or when they don't like something - I adore that you don't. It was honestly one of the first things that attracted me to you," Toshiro said fondly, setting him down and turning on the water in the shower to let it heat. He tilted Yukio’s head up to kiss him on the nose, saying, "Love you, my Yukio."

Yukio couldn’t help but smile. Really, he had probably smiled more during his three months with Toshiro than he had in his entire life. “Thank you. For everything, really, but most recently for taking care of me like that. I’ve never really _let_ anyone have so much control before. I’ve never trusted anyone else to not hurt me, and really I was a little embarrassed to admit that I’d never been taken that way before. The guys at the club probably would have laughed at me, made me feel even worse than I already did,” he confessed.

Toshiro smiled softly, "You didn't make fun of me - ever - and I was a virgin in every sense of the word, even though I'm twenty-one now. If they would have made fun of you for that, they're idiots. It's a highly vulnerable thing to allow another person to do to you. I'm glad you were my first, that I got to be yours, that it's something we've only experienced with each other. That you're completely mine - and I'm completely yours - and no one else will ever have either of us that way."

“I’m glad, too. Because you don’t know how serious I am when I say they _would have_ made fun of me. As much as I did to them, and as much of a front as I put up acting like a sexual know-it-all, if they had known I hadn’t actually _done_ what I was asking of them, not only would they have made all manner of rude jokes, but they probably would have started pressuring me for it, too. They weren’t really jerks, but… in some ways, I guess they could be. They just would have thought it was their version of having fun,” Yukio said, his thoughts temporarily returning to just how uncaring his relations with the others had been. “We should go back and rub it in their faces that they don’t get to have me anymore,” he added with a laugh. 

"I was actually going to ask you, if you wanted to go out to dance - I'd like to come with you. I loved dancing with you. Although… I'm likely going to be a mess with how worked up you make me now," Toshiro said with a chuckle as he pulled him into the shower and began gently washing him with a loofah.

Yukio couldn’t stop from laughing at that mental image, but he was a bit distracted by the fact that Toshiro was actually washing him. “You don’t have to do that,” he muttered, heat rising to his cheeks at Toshiro’s insistence on being ridiculously caring toward him.

Toshiro kissed him on the forehead before pushing him lightly to face away from him, washing his back, "I actually would like to. I know you love to dance and, really, I only avoided it because I had no one to go with and I hate being felt up by strangers… Adorable sexy blondes apparently being the exception," he said with a chuckle. "I think it would be fun, going with you, love."

“I bet your friend from before would have quite the reaction to us still being together, too, if you invited her. And I really don’t think I was any kind of exception that night. You seemed pretty hellbent on me _not_ feeling you up,” Yukio pointed out. Still, his eyes discreetly watched as Toshiro continued to wash him. “Why are you washing me? I can do that myself,” he insisted, grasping Toshiro’s wrist.

Toshiro stilled, blushing, "I know… I just love taking care of you…" he murmured. 

Yukio shook his head, smiling as he released Toshiro’s wrist. “All that disgusting kindness. I don’t know how I’m going to stand living here,” he said, directing his soft grin up to Toshiro.

"I think you'll get used to it," Toshiro said softly, kissing his lips gently before continuing to wash him. "Oh, and Ran would love to be invited, but she wouldn't be surprised. I can't hide anything from that woman for long, she knows I'm impossibly in love with you. She'll be thrilled. And… I don't think Shuhei would have made fun of you, from what you were saying before. I'm pretty sure he knew that about you, or strongly suspected. He told me flat out you'd never allow someone to claim you like that."

“If anyone would have made that connection, I suppose it would have been Shuhei. Of the three who would frequently take me home, he was the smartest, quite frankly. The others probably didn’t care, so they just didn’t think about it. But if they had actually considered it for a minute and put two and two together, at the very least Ichigo would have had a smartass comment to make,” Yukio mused. Suddenly, though, his eyes widened and snapped back up to Toshiro. “Wait, you talked to Shuhei about me?”

"Yes, a bit. Just the following morning; he didn’t have a lot of information to give. But I wanted to know more about you - I told him I didn't want him to tell me anything you said to him in confidence, but he just laughed at me, saying you didn't open up to anyone that way. And before you ask how I was able to talk with him the next morning, Ran insisted on taking him home after you left the way you did - he had looked so disappointed," Toshiro said with a light laugh. "And since that was my fault, I agreed. I'm definitely not sorry about giving you those terms though - not when this was the result."

“Well, at least I can rest easy knowing Shuhei got some that night,” Yukio laughed. He shook his head, though, rather amused by the whole thing. His expression sobered, though, just as abruptly. “Speaking of those terms you gave me, you said if this worked out you’d tell me why you gave them in the first place. I can gather that you wanted to make sure I was serious, because you definitely were, but was there something else?”

Toshiro stilled before nodding, "Yeah… But I'd rather discuss that when we're out of the shower. Do you want me to wash your hair before we get out?" Toshiro asked with a soft, slightly sad smile. 

Yukio immediately shook his head. “No, it’s fine,” he replied, stepping under the water to rinse off. The look Toshiro had given him was disconcerting, and almost made him regret mentioning it. But as much of his life as Yukio had shared with Toshiro, he knew the other didn’t mind. It was clear that neither of them wanted secrets between them, no matter how painful they were to discuss.

Toshiro washed himself quickly as Yukio rinsed off, mentally trying to figure out how to best start this conversation. He hadn't really thought much on it since being with Yukio, the other a beacon to him that he couldn't ignore, keeping him out of his own head. But he wanted to tell him, knowing and trusting that Yukio wouldn't see him any differently. He quickly rinsed off when Yukio stepped back, grinning and leaning down to kiss him before turning off the water. He stepped out, handing Yukio a fluffy towel and drying himself off. 

He went back into the bedroom, knowing Yukio was following, to get redressed. He decided to leave his button-down shirt open though, thinking that it would be a comfort to be able to have Yukio closer to him, nestled against his chest. He then led Yukio back to the sitting room, settling back into the armchair from before and gently pulling him to sit on his lap. 

Yukio had never seen Toshiro quite so… thoughtful. Obviously whatever it was wasn’t going to be a casual conversation. He settled into Toshiro’s lap, leaning into him and wrapping his arms around his waist as well as he could. He pressed his cheek into Toshiro’s chest before turning and kissing the exposed skin. “Love you, Toshiro. Whatever it is, you can tell me,” he assured him.

Toshiro hummed at Yukio’s comforting actions and touch, glad he could feel him so close against his skin. He found it grounding and placed a kiss upon the soft blonde hair. "I think you're partially aware of this story anyway, but with no details. I already told you I'd fallen in love with three people before that couldn't return that same type of love. That's why I gave you those terms. I couldn't fall in love again with someone unable to love me back. With those terms, I knew you'd give up if your only goal was to string me along."

“Hmm, I think you had more faith in me than I did. I was pretty determined to keep it up. You’re the most gorgeous man I’ve ever seen, so I wasn’t going to give up easily. Though, I was probably in love with you before I really wanted to admit it, even to myself,” Yukio commented. He shifted a bit to look up at Toshiro, knowing there had to be more to the story than that. “But I knew all that already. What else is there? If you don’t want to tell me, you don’t have to, but… I really want to know you,” he murmured, casting his eyes back down and resting against Toshiro’s chest again. 

"Actually, this may help explain at least a bit of what my problem was…" Toshiro said, shifting Yukio a bit so he could take out his phone. He brought up his pictures. There weren't many of himself but he pulled up one with him and Ran that was three years old. "This is me at eighteen - when I graduated college," he said, handing over the phone. 

Yukio’s eyes widened at the photo. He looked up at Toshiro again for a moment, and then back down at the phone. There was no way it was anyone else in the picture. “How the hell did you grow so much in three years? I’m actually a little jealous. You must have been shorter than me back then,” he said, still studying the small version of Toshiro in the photo. He couldn’t help but smile, though. “I have to admit, you were pretty adorable.”

Toshiro frowned, "You weren't the only one to think so. Unfortunately adorable doesn't equate to being very sexually appealing, at least not when you look _that_ much like you're still thirteen. And I didn't grow that much in three years but one - I gained six inches during the six months prior to meeting you alone. That night was the first time I'd been out with Ran actually being taller than her."

Yukio really did try not to laugh, but a small chuckle slipped past his efforts. “I’m sorry, I know this is serious. And I see what you mean,” he said, his eyes still wandering the photo on Toshiro’s phone until the screen finally locked itself. “If I had seen you in a club and you looked like that, I wouldn’t have been very nice, either. And that’s an understatement.”

Toshiro chuckled a bit, "What? You wouldn't have wanted me to take you home if I still looked like that?" 

Yukio smiled, glad Toshiro was keeping the good humor alive. “Well, if I knew you were twenty-one and hadn’t snuck in with a fake ID or something, I might have given you the time of day. After all, you can probably imagine I’ve never been with someone smaller than me. It would’ve been quite the novelty,” he teased. 

Toshiro grinned, "Too bad we didn't meet a year before then - I could have cuddled into your lap, nuzzled up against your chest."

“One problem with that - a year ago, I wasn’t _cuddling_ people. I can only be honest with you now, and I’m sure if we had met a year ago and you had looked like that, I would’ve done with you what I used to do with anyone else, and I would’ve broken your heart without even thinking about it,” Yukio replied. He hoped Toshiro didn’t take offense to his blunt speech, but he really couldn’t lie. 

Toshiro shrugged, "I would have given you the same terms then as I did when we actually met - you probably just wouldn't have agreed to them."

“You’re probably right. I never was really looking for _cute,_ so if you had started trying to make demands I probably wouldn’t have thought it was worth the effort. Good thing we met when we did, because I was a shallow asshole a year ago. Well, I was a shallow asshole three months ago, but you definitely fit what I had my eye out for by then.” 

"I didn't have my eye out for anyone that night we met, I'd honestly given up. I couldn't seem to tear them away from you though - that's why Ran pulled me onto the dance floor so close to the two of you. Then she even made me let Shuhei steal her away," Toshiro said, shaking his head with a fond smile. 

“I tend to have that effect on people,” Yukio said, though he couldn’t even say it with a straight face anymore. In fact, he ended up laughing before he could even try to muster a sultry expression as he looked up at Toshiro. 

Toshiro grinned, kissing his cheek, "You certainly do on me, I still can't tear my eyes off you." Toshiro gave him a rather heated look as his teal eyes swept over his body. 

Yukio’s smile remained as Toshiro rather brazenly looked him over. He brought a hand up to run it through Toshiro’s hair before reaching up to return the kiss to his cheek. “Alright, you know we’re both still exhausted. You’re trying to tell me something anyway. We got distracted,” he reminded him.

"You are rather distracting," Toshiro acknowledged with a smile. "But yes. So you can tell I may have had issues with people taking me seriously or seeing me sexually. This wasn't a large problem at first because I wasn't attracted to anyone that way either. But then I fell in love and that completely changed. 

"I grew up in the system - my parents both died before I could really remember them and there wasn't any other family member to take me. Ran was with me since I arrived… I think I was three? And she was six. She looked after me, became my elder sister. She was with me everyday until she aged out. She didn't have the means to take me with her, I know she tried and was denied, so I spent a year on my own there without her. 

"There was a boy I spent most of that year with, two years older than me. Kusaka. He was handsome, kind, and smart - a year ahead in school. We both had senior level classes together and studied together. Everyone else pretty much ignored us and we became best friends. I started to develop feelings for him, though, that went far deeper than friendship. 

"And then one day, he wrapped his arm around me while we were walking back home because it was cold and I was shivering so much my teeth were chattering. He pulled me into a hug to warm me up and I felt real, deep desire for the first time. I moaned at the feeling and my legs nearly buckled but he held me up, concerned. When he leaned down to check if I had a fever I… I kissed him. Just barely, but I did. He didn't drop me - didn't even seem mad - he just said he didn't feel that way about me, that he saw me as a little brother…"

Yukio listened, and when Toshiro finished speaking, he leaned into him and sighed. “Got your first taste of rejection, huh? And, knowing you, I bet it hurt. A lot,” he murmured, nuzzling his cheek into Toshiro’s chest.

"It did," Toshiro said quietly. "I was only fifteen at the time, and I tried to ignore it, go back to how we were, but my heart and mind seemed fixated on Kusaka. I… would start to become hard when I thought about him for long periods of time and I could really only relieve myself thinking of him doing things to my body… 

"I could barely look at him anymore, it got so bad. And I _tried_ to focus on _anyone_ else but it just wouldn't work. He aged out at the end of the year and I never heard from him again, our relationship had become so strained by the end… I really _wish_ I could feel desire normally, but I've never been able to, and believe me I've tried."

Yukio really couldn’t think of anything to say to that, because everything he was thinking just sounded backhanded and rude, and he certainly didn’t want to make Toshiro feel worse than he likely already did reliving these memories. So, he only continued to offer himself for comfort, leaning into Toshiro’s chest only more firmly and shifting his arms to wrap them around his neck. “Believe me, I know how hard it is to try to be someone you’re not. It doesn’t ever really get you anywhere,” he said quietly.

Toshiro wrapped his arms around him, holding him against him and just breathed in scent as he nuzzled soft golden hair. "I started college after that. On scholarship. I was placed in the dorms and my roommate was the second ill-advised person my heart decided to fall for. 

"He was in his second year, nineteen while I was sixteen by then. Not that it seemed to matter as I still looked like I belonged in grade school…" Toshiro murmured. "His name was Gin. Actually had a personality not unlike yours. He was always completely serious without ever sounding like it, perpetually making rather caustic remarks. But I could always tell what he was actually saying, see through his cold, hard front. I found that to be ridiculously endearing and realized I fell in love with the man by the second month. 

"I _knew_ he wasn't interested - he wasn't shy about talking about all the girls he found to be attractive. So telling _him_ that I _wanted_ him - _that_ way - would have been stupid. I knew that…" he trailed off, heavily blushing now as he remembered what had happened. 

"I didn't really mean to tell him… I had a wet dream and… I sorta moaned out his name when I came, waking up to see him staring at me. He teased me about it, said he understood - with how sexy he was - that I couldn't help it. But it happened again, several times, and he was less able to laugh it off. I was so humiliated. The more I desperately didn't want to dream about him, the more I seemed to… He eventually asked for a room transfer and I never saw him again."

Yukio’s heart legitimately ached with sympathy. It was actually becoming clearer to him that Toshiro had taken an enormous risk by even giving him a chance. If he had fallen in love with him, and Yukio had left him… well, Yukio had a small taste of that when he actually considered it. He still remembered the heart-wrenching sob that had come from the bed when he had grabbed the doorknob, and it made a chill run down his spine. Never seeing these men again, having them essentially cut him off, it may not have been quite so painful, because neither of them had led him on the way Yukio had, but surely it had hurt him. 

He knew Toshiro likely had one more story to get off his heart, but Yukio had to pull him down to kiss him first. He held the contact for only a moment before pulling back and cupping Toshiro’s face in his hands. “You don’t have to tell me anything else. I understand. If you want to keep going, I’m here for you, but don’t think you have to. I love you, Toshiro,” he told him gently, capturing gorgeous teal eyes with his own emerald.

"It's fine… You should know, and I said I would tell you. It's not as painful as it once was - Ran _did_ force me to talk about each time this happened, was the one to pull me out of the depression it put me in - but mainly it doesn't hurt as much because I now have you. Everything before you seems dull and muted by comparison. And I know you won't love me any less by knowing my past better. I trust you, love." Toshiro leaned down to return his kiss, just gentle, comforting contact before withdrawing slightly.

"The last time was the worst of the three. Because I was older. I understood Kusaka seeing me as a child at fifteen - I was one. And Gin wasn't even gay, let alone that I was under age for him even if he was. But I was eighteen the third time and for some reason I thought that maybe I had a chance. 

"My senior year in college, there was a professor that I worked very closely with. Jushiro. He was beautiful, and the kindest man I'd ever met. He often needed help because a childhood illness had severely damaged his lungs and the college assigned him a student each year for that purpose - mostly carrying things, lifting them, setting up the room for class and lab. He was a biology professor so there was actually a lot of that. 

"I knew the minute I met him that I was going to have a difficult time not falling for him. Like you, he was stunning to me. But I had already fallen for two unavailable men and had my heart broken and though Jushiro was still fairly young and wasn't _my_ professor, I still knew that would be incredibly stupid. 

"So I was cold to him. Well, I _tried_ to be but the colder I was the warmer _he_ was. He insisted on treating me to lunch, even dinner… I knew he was only being nice but they _felt_ like dates. He was affectionate with me, touching my arm or shoulder when he spoke, always with a soft, fond smile. I never saw him with anyone else and when I asked he said he simply had never met the right person and that his work kept him too busy for a relationship anyway - he conducted a lot of research when he wasn’t teaching and he really was working constantly, which is why we were together so much. 

"When I graduated, Jushiro still invited me out to have lunch or dinner with him. He said he missed my company. By this point I was madly in love with him and I thought… Maybe, now that I was nineteen and no longer a student, and he was still asking me out on not-dates… Maybe he actually liked me but thought it was inappropriate to say anything. 

"So I decided to tell him how I felt. He was actually shocked. He apologized profusely for giving me that idea, saying he saw me more as a son, that he'd always wanted a family and that he was incredibly proud of me. I… couldn't see him anymore after that. It probably hurt him, when I cut him off, but I already knew from the first two times that my romantic feelings, once there, _weren't_ going to change and I knew it would only put a strain on him. He didn't need any more stress in his life. 

"After that I became incredibly cold and guarded. I threw myself into my work. I tried, a couple times after I was eighteen, to go to an eighteen plus club and feel anything for anyone more appropriate, that would actually want me sexually. The few that did though - when I looked like that - _only_ wanted me for a hook up and I realized that, as impossible as it was for me to turn off being sexually attracted to someone I'd fallen in love with, it was equally impossible for me to turn it on for someone I hadn't. 

"So I'd rather resigned myself to being alone. I was scared to even have male, attractive friends anymore, having already ruined three relationships that had been extremely important to me. And I wasn't able to do the whole, clubbing/dating scene because everyone ran from the serious commitment I needed to be intimate with anyone."

Toshiro held Yukio close, kissing his cheek as he murmured, "You didn't run though. You didn't even look at me like I was broken. I could see the determination in your expression when I told you - that you saw me as a challenge. No one before you had ever looked at me that way, like I was worth all that effort, that they were certain they'd succeed. I hoped you could, maybe not how you were originally thinking, but I desperately wanted to feel real passion for someone who actually wanted me that way. 

"So I offered to give you my number, if you accepted my terms, and I didn't care if I was risking my heart again. Even that first night, I felt like you were worth the risk, and I wanted to know you. I'm so happy I took that chance. I've never been more happy, content, or in love. My Yukio… All mine…" Toshiro whispered, nuzzling into his cheek and kissing him tenderly. 

Yukio smiled when Toshiro pulled away from his lips. He had been content to simply listen to Toshiro’s last story, knowing all he could do was be there for him through it. Knowing how utterly abandoned he had felt, even by people who had never felt anything for him in return, just made Yukio all the more determined to never make him feel like that again. Now, he knew, that was all up to him. Toshiro’s heart had decided, and Yukio’s had somehow been willing to accept that. 

“Being in a relationship with you, even being willing to _pretend_ I was, went against everything I used to be. At first, all you were was a challenge. Just a chance to have some fun at someone else’s expense. But even that first day when I decided to text you, you _scared_ me with how well you handled my personality. You returned my sarcasm and I was actually _happy_ after that conversation. There was finally someone who was willing to meet me halfway, not just give in or be hurt by my remarks. Still, I figured it wouldn’t matter. I’d never be able to commit to someone, and even if I _wanted_ to, no one would ever look at me the same once they learned what I had done to my parents. So, I thought I’d be able to get what I wanted from you and leave.

“But I _couldn’t._ I knew I loved you, and the minute I got up, I almost started crying. When I made it to the door and I heard you falling apart, it _broke me._ I had never felt that way before in my life. I had to go back to you. And when you heard about my past and you didn’t even flinch, you actually wanted to comfort me, I was so relieved. Because I had convinced myself that it was going to end, and I didn’t want it to. I wasn’t lying that night when we had sex for the first time. I _don’t_ ever want to go back to how I was. I don’t ever want to be with anyone else, because you’re really all I’d ever look for. You’re _everything_ that all the guys at the club aren’t. You’re smart, kind, accepting, _and_ completely gorgeous. 

“And you’re mine, Toshiro. All mine,” he murmured, pressing his lips to Toshiro’s for only a moment before pulling away. “I’ll never stop pretending to hate how nice you are, but I think you like it, so I don’t really feel bad about that.”

"I love it. But there's nothing you do that I don't completely adore and find utterly endearing. And I'll never stop being sickeningly kind, but I think you like it, so I don't really feel bad about it." Toshiro smiled, possessive and impossibly fond, "I'm completely yours. And you're mine, Yukio. All mine."

* * *

Yukio had been so distracted with work - and being with Toshiro - the following week that he hadn’t even been home long enough to pack in preparation for moving his things to Toshiro’s house. But, now that it was Saturday again, Toshiro had insisted that he go home and get it taken care of. He had offered to help, but Yukio still had quite a bit of insecurity pertaining to others being in his house, surrounded by everything personal in his life. He wasn’t sure why that still extended towards Toshiro, but when he thought of the man seeing everything he owned, it caused his heart to clench in his chest. He tried to convince himself that it didn’t matter. He would see it all when Yukio brought it to his house. 

And now it was nearly five in the evening, and Yukio had barely gotten his books and video games packed. Admittedly, there were a lot, but he had no excuse to be moving so slowly. He sighed, knowing this would go quicker with two people. And he knew Toshiro wouldn’t judge him for his interests and hobbies. He already knew about most of them anyway. So, he pulled out his phone and texted Toshiro.

_This is taking forever. And I’ll need the room in your car, too, if I’m not going to be taking five trips._

He followed the message with his address, which he still hadn’t even given. He didn’t actually want to admit he needed help, but he knew Toshiro would understand. He always did, somehow.

Toshiro smiled at the text when he received it, simply sending back… 

_I'll be there in twenty minutes._

He knew Yukio had a great deal of anxiety surrounding others knowing where he lived and coming over - for any reason. He was extremely honored Yukio felt like he could share such a personal space with him. He knew, more than anything else he'd given him, this was probably the most difficult, his home being a sanctuary to him. 

The last place he could run and hide. 

He wouldn't be able to now, though. Not now that Toshiro had the address. He immediately left after sending the message, knowing Yukio would likely be a nervous, anxious mess as he flipped over his decision to send that message a hundred times in his head while he waited for Toshiro to arrive. 

Yukio sighed and slipped his phone back in his pocket. He had twenty minutes. He meant to anxiously run around the house and pack away as much as he could that would be revealing or embarrassing, but his mind just went blank. Instead of doing anything at all, he stood over the last box he had packed, looking over the video game titles in some effort to distract himself from what was really going through his mind. He just hoped Toshiro didn’t ignore the small parts of him that most didn’t really care about. 

How he loved video games and spent a good amount of his free time playing them. How he had actually built and optimized his own computer for gaming, and was always seeking the newest, highest-quality parts to make it even better. How he actually _did_ love to dance, and not just in the club. They were just minor details, things most people didn’t even know, but they were part of him, and he hoped Toshiro’s presence in his life didn’t put them to the back of his mind. He never wanted to just be someone’s significant other. He wanted to stay just as much _himself_ as he was Toshiro’s partner.

Somewhere in that train of thought, the doorbell snapped him out of his own mind and he shook his head. It was ridiculous to think Toshiro would ever try to take any of this from him. He trudged to the door and pulled it open, waving Toshiro inside without even really looking at him.

Toshiro immediately took in the sheer size of the space - completely buried with half-packed boxes. “It’s a good thing the rooms on the entire west side of my house are unused,” he said, instantly picking up on Yukio’s varied hobbies from what he could see scattered about the room, “Because you’re going to need the space.” He turned to smile at Yukio, wrapping his arms around him and kissing the top of his soft blonde hair, “Missed you, love.”

Yukio couldn’t help but smile. “I’ve only been gone since this morning,” he pointed out. But his nervous heart calmed in Toshiro’s arms. “But I missed you, too, I guess. I don’t really like being alone anymore, especially here. This house… represents a different kind of solitude for me, and it’s not pleasant,” he said quietly, his eyes wandering the familiar room. He shook his head to clear his thoughts and stepped out of Toshiro’s hold. “There’s a lot more to pack, so we should get busy if we’re not going to be here until midnight.”

Toshiro nodded, “Don’t worry so much about sorting through stuff, you can do that at home when you place everything where you want it. You can even redesign those unused rooms, if you want. I know you like having your own space, Yukio - I want to make sure you’re not giving that up at all, that you really feel at home with me.” Toshiro had immediately started placing more items in boxes as he spoke. He laughed a bit, saying, “I didn’t even know there were this many video games. I always wanted to try but never had the money when I was little or the time when I finally had the money.” He turned to Yukio, grinning as he held up an N64 cartridge with some colorful cartoonish characters on the front, “Would you mind if I played with you?”

Yukio froze in the middle of placing things in the half-filled boxes and snapped his eyes up to Toshiro. “You would play video games with me? I figured you’d think it was childish, holding onto all this stuff and doing juvenile things like that. A lot of these are collectibles, and I don’t play them much anymore, but I have quite a few that I do, and more than my fair share of game consoles. I’ve always wanted to have a gaming room, but I never saw the point of designing a whole room just for _me_ to play games by myself. If you really would play with me, and you have the room, I’d love to do that for us,” he said. He didn’t think he could ever admire Toshiro more, but here he was, completely outdoing himself, being even _more_ accepting and actually offering to do things _together._

“Of course I would play with you,” Toshiro assured, still packing as he spoke, “Yukio, I really didn’t have much of a childhood; I don’t mind doing things others would consider childish now that I actually have the means to do so. It honestly sounds fun. I was so far ahead in school mostly because the library was free to go to and I could get lost in the books there. Everything I’ve heard about gaming, I think the worlds they create do something similar, and if you enjoy it enough to have this complete of a collection, I’m sure it’s a worthwhile hobby. You can have more than the one room, though - I was already considering turning one of them into a dance studio.”

“A _studio?_ You mean for _me?”_ Yukio blurted out, everything else Toshiro said being rather overshadowed by that comment.

Toshiro paused to look over to him, “Do you not want one? I just… I know how much you actually do love dancing and… I really enjoy watching you…” Toshiro admitted, blushing a bit.

“I do! Of course I do. I’m just… still getting used to all this ridiculous kindness. But, I guess it wouldn’t _just_ be for me, then, huh? I don’t know that I could practice with you in the room, though. With how you react to me, I probably wouldn’t get much done before you tried to jump me,” Yukio teased with a heated grin.

Toshiro’s blush deepened a bit, “I’ll let you practice… Even if I were watching you, I can restrain myself… Because I want you to be able to do what you love without me interrupting you. But you’re right, watching you is just going to make me want to jump you and I’m going to want you pretty desperately by the time you’re done.”

Yukio gave a light laugh at Toshiro’s blush. It was ridiculously adorable, but he knew Toshiro wouldn’t want to hear such a thing. He turned back to pack more, saying, “You know, you could always dance _with_ me, even at home. I definitely wouldn’t mind teaching you if it meant having a dance partner, especially having _you_ up against me like that. Dancing is sexy no matter what style, and I could get used to feeling you get all worked up by it.”

“I’d love that,” Toshiro said quietly, still blushing and his body feeling hot at thinking about his sexy Yukio pressed up against him as he moved. He stumbled across an entire pile of computer parts and asked, “You build computers too, don’t you? You want a work room for that?”

“I wouldn’t need a whole room, I don’t suppose. Those are mostly old parts or replacements for my gaming computer. It’s not as big of a hobby for me. Really, I just upgrade and maintain one or two. I guess I could build another one just for programming if I had the space. I’ve designed a few basic computer games, but if I had a whole computer with all the right specs, I could do much better,” Yukio replied. He actually, finally felt _free_ to talk about anything with Toshiro, and it was a sensation that was unfamiliar but absolutely fantastic. 

“With how much you obviously know about and enjoy gaming, it’s not surprising to me that you would be brilliant at game design. You did say you were very good with programming. Whatever you need, love. Like I said, I want you to be at _home_ with me. If you’re moving in with me, I don’t want you to be giving anything up - only gaining. I’d even test play anything you make, if you want,” Toshiro chuckled, “If I can play it, anyone can figure it out… Well, hopefully I’ll get better in general after being able to play games with you.”

Yukio gave a small laugh, but everything Toshiro said just made him love him more. “I’m sure I’ll feel more at home with you than I ever did here,” he muttered. It was true. Yukio had never had an emotional connection to anything about the house he lived in. It was only a reflection of the wealth that came from the most shameful part of his past, and he was more than ready to leave it behind. “Oh, I didn’t tell you… I’m selling this house. I’m not even interested in keeping it as any kind of income property. And I let my driver go. I made sure he had another job lined up, and I’m paying him until he starts there, but I have no need for any of that anymore. I want… I want a fresh start with you, Toshiro,” he said, not looking up from the box he was packing. 

Yukio was still focused on the box he was packing when Toshiro scooped him into his arms and kissed him, slow and deep, reveling at his surprise that calmed into a peaceful happiness as he melted into the kiss. Toshiro gently withdrew, smiling fondly as he said, “Love you, my Yukio.”

Yukio’s brow furrowed in confusion at Toshiro’s reaction. He honestly had no idea what he had said to elicit this. “I love you, too, but… what did I say?” he asked, completely baffled by the very sudden joy in Toshiro’s eyes.

Toshiro laughed brightly at the honestly confused expression, “I can’t believe how much I love you, you really don’t know what you said, do you? You said you’re letting go of every safety net you’ve ever had, that you’re trusting us to work out so well that you’ll never need to fall back on them. That you want to make a fresh start - live your life - with _me._ And I’m so completely happy to start our life together, to redesign and reorganize my house so that it’s truly _our_ home.”

Yukio smiled, and his heart skipped a bit at the realization that Toshiro was right. He leaned into Toshiro’s chest, and said quietly, “I didn’t really think of it that way, but you’re right. I did it without even thinking about it, because I don’t _need_ safety nets with you. _You_ are my safety net now, and that’s becoming clearer every time we’re together. Love you, Toshiro.”

Toshiro smiled, kissing him again before setting him down, saying softly, “Let’s finish here quick then, I want to take you home.”

Yukio nodded, pausing before he continued to pack. He couldn’t stop smiling when he thought about leaving this all behind. All the loneliness and memories he had been trying to rid himself of for years would finally be gone. 

“Yeah. Home.”

* * *

It still took several trips to get all of Yukio’s belongings to Toshiro’s house. Well, _their_ house. It was still a bit odd for Yukio to think of it that way, but as the empty rooms on the unused side of the house began to be lined with boxes of Yukio’s things, he began to really realize that it was true. Eventually, these rooms would all be dedicated to things he loved, and it was honestly more than he would have ever asked for. 

By the time the last carload of boxes was unloaded, it actually was nearly midnight, but Yukio had no interest in sleeping. He found himself wandering the rooms Toshiro had all but given him, imagining the potential and already planning what he wanted each one to look like. He couldn’t even force himself to feel tired with everything that was going through his mind. When he went back to the sitting room where Toshiro had said he would wait for him - the man was overly perceptive and somehow knew Yukio needed a moment to himself to really process what was happening - he immediately stood before Toshiro and bent to kiss his forehead.

“Thank you,” he murmured, bringing a hand up to run it through Toshiro’s hair.

Toshiro leaned into his touch, smiling, taking his free hand into his own, “You’re not the least bit tired yet, are you, love?”

Yukio shook his head and laughed a bit. “Not at all. But I thought… maybe we could go outside, and you could show me all those stars,” he suggested. 

Toshiro grinned, taking his hand and leading him back to the front door. He paused to grab binoculars at the front closet, saying, “They aren’t as good as a full telescope but Saturn is up tonight and you’ll be able to see the rings through them.” He then led Yukio back out to the ridge he loved so much, smiling at the thought of two pairs of feet now treading down the familiar path.

Yukio kept a firm hold on Toshiro’s hand as they walked, glad he had good coordination and balance because he hadn’t ever had any interest in taking even a light hike in the dark, and it was nearly a new moon, so it was _very_ dark, especially as they delved into the wooded area. He kept his eyes to their path until they ended at the ridge, only then raising his eyes to the sky. The view legitimately took his breath, the inky blanket of night alive with millions of stars. His eyes were wide and constantly wandering, trying to take in every detail all at once, and he didn’t even realize his mouth was hanging open slightly in pure awe.

Toshiro wrapped his arms around Yukio, holding him from behind as he took in his adorable expression. “Do you want me to point things out to you? It’s good that there’s no moon, we can see the whole sky clearly. It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

Yukio nodded silently and leaned into Toshiro’s body behind him. “I’ve never lived far from the city, so I’ve never seen the sky like this. But even in bad lighting I can sometimes see most of the stars in Ursa Major. Right there,” he said, pointing to the constellation. “But it looks different now, with everything around it. It was actually kind of hard for me to find it,” he admitted with a laugh.

“It’s actually easier for me to find things, being able to see everything around what I’m looking for. I use proximity and other constellations to orientate myself. For instance,” Toshiro lowered himself so that he was at eye level with Yukio, his hand wrapping around the wrist of the finger he was using to point, guiding it back over the stars in Ursa Major, “You see the dipper asterism, or shape, right? Well, if you follow the curve of the handle,” he said, sweeping Yukio’s hand to point at what he meant as he spoke, “You land upon this bright star. It’s called Arcturus, the alpha star in the constellation of Bootes. You can find the rest of the constellation from there because the dimmer stars look like a question mark,” he explained, drawing the line with Yukio’s finger again. 

“If you go the other way, from the edge of the cup,” Toshiro said, tracing along Ursa major again and guiding Yukio’s finger along the two stars making up the end of the dipper, “and you follow the line they make upwards, the next decently bright star is Polaris, the north star. It’s also the tip of Ursa Minor’s tail,” he said, tracing out the smaller dipper. “And you can see how the dipper asterisms pour into one another. Between them, there’s a line of stars that curve around Ursa Minor,” he continued, still tracing with Yukio’s finger, “until it curves back and ends with that trapezoid shape. That’s Draco, the dragon. He was always my favorite - I’m rather fond of dragons in mythology. 

“There’s a lot of relationships like that with the patterns of the stars to help you find things and know what you’re looking at in the sky. Oh! And you see the really bright object there?” Toshiro said with a grin, “That’s Saturn. Anything that bright is a planet, not a star.”

Yukio took in the information with vigor, his eyes following as Toshiro directed his hand. “So, if you teach me all of this, because this is actually very fascinating, I’ll teach you the French I still know. We’ve got time now,” he said, lowering his hand and twining his fingers into Toshiro’s. He smiled as he brought Toshiro’s hand up to kiss the back of it. “Time I didn’t think I would ever be willing to give you,” he whispered against his skin.

“I did,” Toshiro whispered, kissing the fine blonde hair, “Some part of my heart was convinced of it, even that first night, even if it was a risk. Otherwise I would have never given you my number. I’m so glad I listened to it, that I took that risk. Having this, having _you,_ belonging to you, being here, home, together - was definitely worth it.”

Yukio kept Toshiro’s hand against his lips and closed his eyes to really _feel_ Toshiro’s body flush against his back. It was a closeness he never thought he would ever have, but now that he did, he wouldn’t want to give it up for anything. “You were worth the risk for me, too. Maybe you can help me work on loving _myself_ now. You know that I love _you,_ but I’m still learning to love myself,” he said quietly, allowing his eyes to open and continue to slowly investigate the night sky.

Toshiro kissed near his ear, saying softly, “I’ll show you every day, by loving you myself.” He smiled, “You seem like a person who learns best by example. No matter how long it takes, even when you accomplish your goal, I’ll continue to do so, to be that example. Because you do deserve love, my Yukio, and I’m going to continue giving you all of mine.”

Yukio finally dropped Toshiro’s hand, turning in his arms and wrapping him in a firm embrace. “You’ll probably get tired of hearing me say this, but thank you. Thank you so much. You’ve done more for me in three and a half months than anyone ever has in my entire life. Love you,” he said quietly, pressing his cheek to Toshiro’s chest and honestly wishing there wasn’t a shirt in the way. 

“Love you,” Toshiro said softly. He chuckled as Yukio nuzzled against his chest, pushing a bit against the fabric, “You know, you can unbutton it anytime you want to - I don’t mind. I find it comforting to feel you against my bare chest too.”

Yukio tensed a bit at the comment. Had he really been that obvious about it? He was glad it was rather dark and he wasn’t looking up as he brought a hand around to unbutton Toshiro’s shirt, pushing the fabric back a bit and giving a relaxed sigh as he settled his cheek against the bare skin, his hand remaining rested next to his face and gently caressing Toshiro’s chest. It was odd, gleaning such comfort from something like this, but Yukio wasn’t about to question it. He knew Toshiro wouldn’t ever second-guess something that brought them both such peace.

After a few minutes of peaceful silence, Toshiro asked quietly, “Do you want to sit down, love? Stay out here longer? Or do you want me to take you back to our bed?”

Yukio was actually snapped out of his reverie by the sound of Toshiro’s voice under his ear. “Our bed. I think you just like saying things like that,” he commented with a laugh. “But that doesn’t sound too bad. All the excitement from moving has calmed down, so I’m finally getting tired,” he added.

“Of course I like saying things like that,” Toshiro said, lifting Yukio so that he could hold him against his chest, Yukio’s legs wrapping to straddle his waist automatically and he smiled, “It’s true, and I love that it is. That everything I own, every part of _me,_ is _yours._ _Belongs_ to _you,_ love.” As he spoke he started making his way back to the house. The stars didn’t offer as much light as the absent moon but Toshiro didn’t need it, his feet navigating by memory rather than by sight.

Yukio relaxed into Toshiro’s chest, his arms resting loosely around his neck and his hands slipping under his shirt. He honestly couldn’t stop them from wandering, trailing along smooth skin from Toshiro’s neck, down to his shoulders and continuing to his chest. “I’ll never get enough of you,” he whispered, turning to press light kisses to Toshiro’s chest.

Toshiro clutched him a bit tighter, his steps just a bit faster as he shivered under Yukio’s attention, “You have no idea what you do to me, love,” he murmured out. “And I think someone may need a bit more tiring out.”

Yukio laughed, looking up to give Toshiro a heated smile. “Oh? And what do you plan to do to me?”

“It’s your first night, officially moved in. I think I’ll let you decide, love. Whatever you want -” Toshiro said heatedly, feeling a thrill go through him as they neared the house. “- I love claiming your body, you claiming mine, swallowing you down and holding you in my mouth…”

Yukio whimpered a bit at Toshiro’s words, and he had to fight to urge to kiss him. He would at least let him make it inside, but as soon as they were he was going to claim his mouth and not let go for a while. “It is Saturday, and neither of us have work tomorrow. Why don’t we just do each other every way we can until we just can’t stay awake anymore?” he suggested, heat washing over him just _thinking_ about all the things he wanted to do to Toshiro. 

“I’ll do whatever you want me to, love,” Toshiro said with a groan, holding him tighter to open the door, allowing it to close behind them, “It’s sexy as hell when you direct me - and I have a feeling you’ve still got a lot of things to teach me. I want to learn - every single thing you’ve ever done with someone, or _wanted_ to do with someone - I want you to do with me. And then I want to do each of those things to you. I want to make you so pleasurably exhausted that the only way you’re getting out of bed is if I carry you.”

“I don’t think I could do all that in one night, but I think we could get a good start before the sun comes up. And then, tomorrow, _neither_ of us is getting out of bed unless we have to,” Yukio said, his voice low and seductive. Before Toshiro could even reply, he roughly claimed Toshiro’s lips in a demanding kiss, immediately parting his lips and groaning when Toshiro allowed him instant access to his mouth.

Toshiro whimpered, leaning against the door behind him, submitting instantly to Yukio’s claim on his mouth. He loved it when Yukio claimed him this way, knowing for certain that he belonged to this man and would do literally anything for him. When Yukio finally released him he was already entirely hard and panting, saying with a strained voice, “I don’t know if I’m ever going to be able to remain standing on my own when you do that.”

Yukio smirked, absolutely turned on by how wrecked Toshiro looked just from kissing him. “Good,” he said against Toshiro’s lips before taking them again, aggressively delving into the other man’s mouth and occasionally withdrawing enough to nip at his lower lip.

Toshiro whined, surrendering as his legs shook and Yukio practically attacked his mouth. He didn’t even realize he’d slid to the floor until he stopped actually sliding, his back still leaned heavily against the door, Yukio straddling his lap as Toshiro desperately clutched his hips. When Yukio withdrew again to nip at his lower lip, he panted out, “Please, Yukio, want you - I want you in me - want to feel you claim me - fill me - yours, love, only yours.”

Yukio gave a low hum at Toshiro’s abrupt desperation. He had _never_ been able to affect someone like _this._ “Yes, only mine. And I’m only yours. Love you so much,” he whispered, shifting to kiss Toshiro’s cheek. “I’d take you right here against the door, but it would be a little difficult. Let’s get to the bed,” he said softly, refraining from doing much else until he was sure Toshiro could stand and actually make it to the bedroom.

Toshiro nodded, “Yes, love,” he responded, Yukio’s words giving him the will to stand again and carry him to the bed. He loved it when Yukio directed him, loved not having to make the decisions, that he could entrust everything to his capable hands. He paused at the bed again, just like their first time, waiting on Yukio’s instruction.

Yukio glanced at the bed for a moment, and a heated grin came to his lips. “I’d like you to put me down, get completely undressed, and then undress _me_ before you do anything else,” he instructed, following up his words with another kiss to Toshiro’s cheek.

Toshiro immediately followed his directions without question, only a thrill of excitement and heat running through him as he set him down on the floor and undressed. He then gently undressed Yukio, unable to do anything very rushed when it came to him, Yukio being so completely precious to him and heartbreakingly unused to gentle, loving touch. Toshiro doubted he ever _could_ be forceful with him, only ever wanting him to feel loved and cared for.

Yukio watched every single slow, deliberate movement Toshiro made as he removed his clothing, gentler than any hands he had ever felt on his body. It only made him impossibly more thankful to have him. The love this man had for him had completely blindsided him, but everything Toshiro did with him only proved how true it was. Yukio couldn’t take his eyes off of him, so incredibly attentive to every detail of the body he was slowly exposing.

When Yukio was finally completely undressed, Toshiro stilled. Hazy teal eyes came to rest on beautiful emerald green and even though he was achingly hard, he found himself completely content to wait upon Yukio’s next instruction. 

Yukio smiled up at him, bringing a hand up to cup his cheek. “Good, Toshiro. Now, I’d like you to get on your hands and knees on the bed. You can lower your upper body to rest on the pillow if you want. You’ll be that way for a while, so I want you to be comfortable,” he told him, running his thumb over the smooth skin of his cheek as he spoke. 

Toshiro turned his head slightly to kiss his thumb, softly responding, “Yes, love,” before getting on the bed in the position Yukio requested. He made himself comfortable, his arms wrapped underneath the pillow his head rested upon and couldn’t help but blush deeply. He felt entirely exposed this way - which only made him feel more sexy and desired as he turned and took in Yukio’s expression.

Yukio looked over Toshiro’s body with no small amount of desirous hunger. He crawled up on the bed next to him, running his hands down his sides and back and _loving_ every inch of this man. He leaned down and ran a hand through Toshiro’s hair, holding it back from his face as he kissed along his jawline to just beneath his ear. “You’re so fucking sexy - beautiful, Toshiro. Every single bit of you,” he whispered as his other hand continued to stroke along his side.

Toshiro whimpered, closing his eyes at the attention and relaxing into his touch. He was filled with an incredible amount of warmth each time Yukio praised him - because not only was he unused to the words but _Yukio_ never said anything he didn’t mean. He shifted on his knees slightly, his need difficult to ignore, but kept his position as he waited on either further instruction or for Yukio to use his body however he wanted, a thought that had Toshiro whining a bit and unconsciously flexing his hips.

Yukio’s eyes flicked to Toshiro’s movement, but he stayed put, intent to do as Toshiro had asked - whatever he wanted. He would take care of Toshiro, certainly, but not without having some fun first. “You want me bad, don’t you? Want me to sink into that gorgeous body of yours and let you _feel_ just how much you belong to me? Hmm, what if I pumped your cock with my hand while I was fucking you? How fast would you come for me?” Yukio teased, his voice absolutely dripping with heated seduction.

“Yukio…” Toshiro whined, “I - I wouldn’t last at all - I’d come so fast on your cock - want to feel you claim me so much - want you to fill me, love - Please, Yukio…”

Yukio groaned at Toshiro’s broken words, heat flooding his own body at the sound of his begging. “Hell yes, you’ll feel me,” he said, his words coming out a bit strained. He reached into the bedside table to retrieve the lube before shifting down Toshiro’s body, following the arch of his back to the perfect curve of his ass. He coated his fingers with lube before tossing the bottle on the bed, immediately setting himself to slowly preparing Toshiro’s body. “I’m going to try not to tease, Toshiro. Breathe deep, relax, and hold out for me,” he said gently, keeping his free hand on Toshiro’s lower back and lightly massaging.

Toshiro focused on his breathing, going through his meditation exercises again as he followed Yukio’s instructions. His entire body relaxed, his breathing evening, just allowing himself to feel but no longer feeling desperate. Yukio would take care of him - he always had - and he felt his mind blank as he pushed back into Yukio’s touch.

Yukio smiled as Toshiro’s body relaxed around his finger, and when he had one fully buried, he slipped in another, praising when it met absolutely no resistance, “Good, Toshiro. Stay relaxed for me. Love you, so much.” He really had no idea where his words were coming from, other than the depths of his heart that no one but Toshiro had ever touched. It didn’t take long to stretch Toshiro’s body with how relaxed he was, and Yukio remained as thorough as ever. He pulled his fingers out and got to his knees, positioning his achingly hard cock at Toshiro’s entrance and pushing in a bit, beginning a pattern of slow, smooth thrusts that had him delving further in the tight but unresisting heat of Toshiro’s body.

Toshiro continued to accept the pleasure Yukio was giving to his body, still focusing on using meditation to keep from feeling overwhelmed and desperate. He hadn’t noticed, but sounds began constantly flowing from his lips and he started to pant as Yukio slowly fucked into him, whining out when Yukio was finally seated completely within him. “Yukio…” he whimpered, “So full, love… Feels… So good… Yours…”

Yukio paused for a moment when he was fully sheathed, trying to control his own breathing and failing miserably. He had to swallow a moan as he leaned over Toshiro’s back, running his hands over the toned muscles from his shoulder blades to his ass. He slid his hands around to press his fingers into Toshiro’s hip bones, this time completely unable to keep from groaning deeply. He began a pattern of short, deep thrusts as his need became nearly unbearable, reaching around to grasp Toshiro’s cock with one hand as he tried to keep his hips steady with the other. “You can - press back against me - if you need to… it’ll help keep me from - pushing you forward,” Yukio panted.

Toshiro did, meeting Yukio’s thrust forward as he did so and his concentration on his breathing completely broke. He cried out, moving back with each of Yukio’s thrusts, forcing him deeper and hitting against his prostate, which combined with Yukio’s hand on his cock had him at the edge in seconds. "Yukio! Need! Please!" he cried out, not wanting to come without permission but desperately needing to. 

Yukio wasn’t surprised in the slightest, and he felt his own climax quickly approaching. Just _remembering_ what it felt like to have Toshiro’s body clamp down around him in the throes of orgasm had a low groan exiting his throat. “Fuck yes - come, Toshiro - make me come,” he growled, pumping Toshiro’s cock in time with their thrusts. The added friction as Toshiro met his pattern, bringing him further out to slam back into Toshiro’s body every single time, had him holding back in the seconds it took for Toshiro to respond.

Toshiro came as soon as his brain registered the words, crying out and shaking, clamping down impossibly tight around Yukio and moving back on his to bury him further inside his body. He'd never tire of this, this feeling of being so completely and utterly claimed by this man. "Yours… Yukio…" he whined, aftershocks still flooding though his body, causing his legs to shake uncontrollably. 

Yukio was taken by his own climax within seconds of Toshiro’s body tightening around him, and he braced himself with a firm grasp on Toshiro’s hip with his free hand, still pumping Toshiro’s cock through the aftershocks before both of their bodies began to calm. He was still trembling, his muscles spasming as his climax waned, when he brought both hands to Toshiro’s hips, realizing that his legs were shaking. He was glad he had avoided getting any of Toshiro’s release on his hand, meaning he wasn’t spreading it. “I’m going to come out of you now, and I’ll guide you over to the side a bit before you lay down. I just don’t want you in your own mess, alright?” Yukio said gently, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles on the outside of Toshiro’s hips.

"Yes, love," Toshiro murmured, teal eyes half-lidded in exhaustion and feeling a pleasant tingling across his entire body. He was still reveling in the feeling of Yukio having released within him, of feeling full and filled. "Yours…" he repeated, his mind unable to focus on much else, only that he belonged to this beautiful man and that he was going to take care of him.

Yukio gave Toshiro another moment, realizing that he was definitely still very much out of it, just like he had been the first time, and Yukio was determined to not let him feel abandoned this time. But he also feared that Toshiro would soon collapse, so he slowly and carefully pulled out of him, glad when Toshiro had at least enough consciousness to move his upper body as Yukio guided his hips to the side, obediently lying down when he applied a bit of downward pressure after he was positioned properly. 

Yukio joined him, having intentionally moved Toshiro far enough that there was a space remaining for him to lay in front of him, facing him and curling into the curve of his body, his forehead rested on Toshiro’s chest. “Love you. I’ll never even _think_ of leaving you again. I’ll always want you. You’re all mine, and I’ll never let you go,” he said, gently but loudly enough that he was sure Toshiro could hear from where he was curled into him. It was an odd sensation, feeling so small and protected against Toshiro’s larger body, but still knowing that Toshiro willingly gave him control. He shifted a bit to press a kiss to Toshiro’s chest before rolling over to press his back flush with Toshiro’s body, his head just under Toshiro’s chin.

Toshiro’s arms automatically wrapped around Yukio's small body and he nuzzled into the familiar fine blonde hair. "Mine…" he murmured. "My Yukio… I'll always be yours, never want to lose you…" His grip tightened a bit at the thought, burying his nose in the back of Yukio’s neck and inhaling his scent, knowing he was here with him, that he wasn't leaving, that he never wanted to. "Love you, my Yukio…" he whispered, tightening his hold a bit more, curling so that every part of him as possible was flush with Yukio’s body, keeping him grounded. 

Yukio smiled at Toshiro’s effort to keep their bodies as in contact with one another as possible. He reached back to run a hand through Toshiro’s hair, closing his eyes and letting out a pleased sigh. He held his hand there for several long minutes, and when Toshiro’s hold on him began to loosen a bit, he turned back, pressing on his shoulder as he did. “Lie on your back for me,” he requested softly.

"Yes, love," Toshiro whispered before doing so, his eyes watching Yukio’s every movement. Like he couldn't believe he was actually his, that he belonged to this beautiful man. He was completely relaxed and his eyelids fell a bit as the sensation of feeling happy and content hit him, causing him to smile warmly. He continued to watch Yukio, knowing and trusting that he was going to remain with him. He now _lived_ with him. 

This was _their_ home. 

Together. 

Yukio ran a gentle hand over Toshiro’s chest before shifting to lie on top of him, his cheek nuzzled against his hard chest and every inch of their skin in contact without any effort at all. His eyes fell shut at the immensely satisfying feeling of resting there, and he felt like he could stay there, settled against Toshiro’s chest, forever. The thought only caused him to nuzzle in even more firmly, pressing light kisses to Toshiro’s chest before opening his eyes and looking up to him. “Love you… my Toshiro,” he murmured.

Toshiro wrapped his arms around him again, Yukio’s words - the address he'd never used before, claiming him as his - making his heart incredibly full. "Yours, my Yukio," Toshiro whispered. He was so impossibly in love with this man. Yukio felt like he _belonged_ against him like this, nuzzled against his chest. His thoughts began to clear a bit as he held him but exhaustion crept at his mind and he murmured, "I think… I'm drifting to sleep like this, love. You feel perfect against me, your weight on top of me… It's so comforting…"

Yukio laughed, the sound barely audible. “We may need a shower, but I’ll sleep with you like this after, if you really want to,” he offered. “If we shower, you won’t have to do much. I’ll take care of you this time,” he added, realizing just how tired Toshiro really was. It was well past midnight, and it seemed their burst of energy hadn’t lasted as long as either of them had predicted.

Toshiro kissed the top of his hair, "Alright, love," he murmured. "I think I can stand long enough for a shower," he chuckled. "I didn't think I'd get so exhausted. Sorry, love. I know you'll take care of me… You always do…"

Yukio moved off of Toshiro, taking his hand and helping him sit up. “Are you really apologizing for being tired? We now have all the time in the world. Seriously, we don’t have to go to work tomorrow. We could pick right back up in the morning if we want,” he pointed out, leaning in to kiss Toshiro’s cheek.

"Always want you," Toshiro murmured, allowing Yukio to guide him into the bathroom. There wasn't much heat to the words though, just tender fondness with how tired he felt. 

Yukio kept an arm around Toshiro’s waist as he reached to turn on the shower when they reached the bathroom. “You really are exhausted,” he whispered, smiling as he swept the hair from Toshiro’s forehead with his free hand. He kept his hand on his cheek, almost laughing when Toshiro’s eyelids were visibly heavy. “Come on, you do have to make it through a shower,” Yukio said quietly, pulling him into the shower after briefly checking the water temperature. 

He tried to keep a hand on Toshiro at all times as he let him stand under the water. It took quite a bit of effort to not stare as the water formed rivulets that flowed over every bit of toned muscle, and Yukio found himself following one of them from Toshiro’s neck, over his chest, down his abs, and then he abruptly looked away. He certainly didn’t need that becoming too much of a distraction, knowing Toshiro wasn’t even remotely in any condition to do anything right now. Yukio busied himself lathering soap into a loofah, keeping his eyes above Toshiro’s waist as he did. Though, he had to admit that wasn’t much less of a temptation. 

Determined to be mature and helpful about this, he gently washed Toshiro’s body, convincing his mind that this was a task, a way he could care for his partner, and nothing more. He actually had no experience doing something so intimate without other implications. In fact, nudity in itself usually led to something sexual. These kinds of tender moments were just something else he would have to get used to, being with Toshiro. “Did you want me to wash your hair? Or are you too tired?” he asked, his voice barely above the sound of the water splashing on the tile.

"Here…" Toshiro murmured, kneeling and resting his head against Yukio’s flat, lightly toned stomach. He kissed his skin before rubbing his cheek against him, leaning into him slightly. "Now I don't have to stand… And it's easier for you…" Toshiro murmured. "I love you taking care of me, love." He kissed his skin again, smiling and humming in contentment. 

Yukio gave a tender smile, though he knew Toshiro wasn’t looking at him. He reached for the shampoo, squeezing a good amount into his hand before replacing the bottle on the recessed shelf built into the wall. When he began to work it into Toshiro’s hair, though, part of him forgot what he was even meant to be doing. Really, as content as Toshiro looked rested against him, he would have done this for hours with the goal of just keeping that relaxed, pleased expression on Toshiro’s face. Even after he was sure the soft white hair was thoroughly washed, Yukio continued to massage Toshiro’s scalp and pull his fingers through his hair, watching the peace wash over the beautiful man knelt before him. 

“I love taking care of you, Toshiro. I’ll do anything for you, all you need to do is ask. I love you so much… more than I thought I could ever love anyone,” Yukio said, the honest words flowing without much thought. The thought of ever not having this - this trust and tender affection and love - made Yukio’s heart clench. Toshiro saved him, really. He saved him from himself - from the belief that he wasn’t worth anyone’s love. From Yukio’s belief that he _couldn’t_ love in return. “My Toshiro… all mine,” he whispered. He pulled his hands through Toshiro’s hair one last time before rinsing his hands and bringing them to cup Toshiro’s face, pulling bright teal eyes up to him. “Get rinsed off so we can go to bed.”

"Yes, love," Toshiro answered softly, completely at peace, relaxed and content. He took Yukio’s hands to steady himself as he stood, rinsing his hair and body under the spray of water, eyes closed. He stepped back when he felt rinsed off, leaning against the wall of the shower and took in Yukio’s gorgeous body, watching the water travel down the lines on his lithe muscles. "You're so beautiful…" he whispered, unable to look away, just as enthralled with Yukio’s beauty as he had been that first night. 

Yukio smiled and shook his head, quickly rinsing himself before turning off the water. He stepped over to Toshiro, wrapping an arm around his waist and reaching up to kiss him, briefly and tenderly. “You’re the most gorgeous man I’ve ever seen, so compliments mean a lot to me coming from you,” he said, not being able to help but visually sweep Toshiro’s body when he pulled away. He kept his arm around his waist, guiding him out of the shower and having him sit on the edge of the separate tub while he draped a plush towel around Toshiro’s shoulders and began to dry him. 

Toshiro hummed into the feeling of being dried before Yukio’s words fully caught up with his sleepy mind and he blushed, "I really don't see myself that way… I was so small for so long… I never thought someone as beautiful as you could ever want me…"

Yukio only chuckled, shaking his head again as he finished drying Toshiro’s body, taking the towel and putting it over Toshiro’s head, scrubbing rather roughly to try to soak up as much water from the thick hair as possible. With the towel still over Toshiro’s head, he leaned down and touched their noses together, giving him a bright smile. “Well, I guess you haven’t looked in the mirror much since you grew up, have you?” he teased.

Toshiro blushed a bit more, "Not really… Just to get ready…" his mouth formed half a smile, both entirely honest - because he was aware his inner self image didn't match how he looked now - and a bit teasing in answer to Yukio’s tone. 

Yukio pulled the towel off of Toshiro’s hair and took a step back. “Then I guess you’ll just have to take my word for it. You’re the most beautiful man alive,” he said, the smile still in place as he looked over Toshiro’s body. He reached for a fresh towel for himself, but couldn’t stand to look away for long, returning his eyes to his gorgeous partner as he dried himself.

"Second, at the most," Toshiro said with a soft smile, teal eyes sweeping over Yukio’s body as he watched him dry off. "I'm looking at the _most_ beautiful man alive."

Yukio chuckled and discarded his towel on the floor to deal with later. He retrieved a comb from the counter and crossed back to hold his hand out to Toshiro. “Let’s get to bed and I’ll comb your hair there so you can get dressed and be more comfortable,” he suggested.

Toshiro took the hand, standing as he said quietly, "Yes, love. Though… I'd rather we didn't wear our sleep shirts? I love having you cuddled against my chest, feeling you there without anything between our bodies…" 

“Of course. Whatever you want,” Yukio replied. Once back in the bedroom, Yukio released Toshiro’s hand and tossed the comb on the bed to pull on a pair of loose shorts to sleep in, and then sat on the bed against the headboard, crossing his legs before him and waiting for Toshiro to join him.

Toshiro obediently dressed in his own soft sleep pants before crawling over to Yukio on the bed, laying down next to him with his head resting on his lap and curling up against his legs. "Do you want me to sit or lay a certain way, love?" He asked softly, placing a kiss upon the fabric of his shorts. Yukio looked so sexy and adorable like this, Toshiro hoped he'd dress this way around the house more often. 

“This is fine. I’ll just have to lift your head to make sure I get all of your hair. You don’t need it drying weird and not be manageable in the morning. Though, I guess it wouldn’t really matter. I’ll be the only one seeing you tomorrow,” Yukio replied. He began pulling the comb gently through Toshiro’s hair, following the motion with his free hand frequently to be sure he was getting out any tangles. “So… I think we should just agree that we’re both tied for being the most beautiful man alive, and the rest of the world just gets to stare at us in awe, wondering how the two most beautiful men alive actually found each other, and _wishing_ they could be as lucky as we are,” he said rather teasingly, trying to keep a level tone, though he couldn’t help but smile.

Toshiro burst out laughing, though it was rather a muted reaction, being so tired. "I guess I have no choice but to agree, your logic is infallible, love. Besides," he sighed, looking up tenderly into beautiful emerald eyes, "I know I'm lucky. Luckier than anyone else alive."

Yukio frowned a bit, though he had to hold back from laughing. “You just have to be best at something, don’t you? And what if I said _I_ was the luckiest person alive for having you? Are we just going to have to _both_ be at the top of every list? Most beautiful, luckiest, most loved and cared for, most grateful to their partner… because I think I’m at the top of all of those lists, hopefully with you standing next to me,” he said, his voice beginning light and joking and turning a bit low and gentle as he continued. He couldn’t help it, really. When he thought of all the things Toshiro had done for him, and how much he meant to him, his heart felt like it turned to jelly.

"Yes," Toshiro answered simply. "After all, I always belong with you. Of course we'd be on top of each of those lists together. Because I think those same exact things. About you," Toshiro said tenderly, kissing his leg again through the fabric of his shorts. "You take care of me so well, love. I never want to be without you. My precious Yukio…"

Yukio smiled, finishing with Toshiro’s hair and quickly combing his own before it began to dry. With how fine it was, he was surprised it was still damp. He set the comb down on the bedside table and shifted to slide out from under Toshiro’s head in his lap before lying down next to him, kissing him gently. “I’ve never taken care of anyone other than myself before, so it’s good to know you approve. And I never want to be without you, either, my Toshiro.”

Toshiro smiled, responding softly, "Your Toshiro… Only yours… I love hearing you say that. I love belonging to you, being claimed as yours." He kissed him gently before turning to lay on his back, holding Yukio so that he remained against him as he shifted, sighing in contentment as he felt his weight on top of him again. "I can't possibly describe how comforting this feels, having your weight on me. _Knowing_ immediately, without a doubt that you're really here… Love you, so much, my Yukio," he whispered, kissing his soft blonde hair again, his smile completely at peace. 

Yukio turned his head to kiss Toshiro’s exposed chest before nuzzling his cheek into the smooth skin. “Love you, my Toshiro. Sleep well,” he whispered, closing his eyes to hear the steady heartbeat under his ear.

"Sleep well," Toshiro whispered back, sighing out before the sleep he'd been fighting against finally claimed him, "Welcome home…"

Yukio smiled at the barely audible statement, and it wasn’t long before Toshiro’s breathing evened out and deepened and he was sure he was asleep. “It’s good to finally have a place to call home,” Yukio murmured, though he was sure Toshiro didn’t really hear him. As he lay there, he couldn’t help but chuckle lightly to himself. He had become so soft and romantic, thinking such things, but he still whispered, “Home is wherever you are, wherever I can be in your arms, my precious love… my Toshiro.”

* * *

The club was as crowded that night as it was every Saturday night, and Yukio was currently taking a break from dancing with the only man who had asked him to dance that night. Evidently that was what happened when one spent the entire evening all but attached to one person. No one else even bothered to ask to dance. But, unlike the last time Yukio was at this exact club, very nearly at this exact table, the lack of offers wasn’t disconcerting. In fact, he wouldn’t have it any other way. He and Toshiro had met at this very club, so it was very sentimental for him. He chuckled and squeezed Toshiro’s hand, which was intertwined with his on the table, pointing with his free hand toward the dance floor. 

“You know, Renji was with that same guy the night we met. Wonder what’s going on with them,” Yukio observed. It wasn’t usual for Renji to stay tied to one person, but… it wasn’t for Yukio, either, so he wasn’t one to judge.

"That's… Byakuya…" Toshiro said with a note of amazement in his voice. "I've done business with him before, his family is exceedingly well connected around here. I _never_ imagined spotting him dancing in a club though… He's always so traditional and formal…"

Yukio hid a spluttering laugh behind his hand. “Well, that’s the exact opposite of what he is right now. I guess he and Renji have a thing going. Either that, or he doesn’t even know he’s dancing with the same person. Because he looks so drunk that might be a possibility,” he said, looking over the man’s flushed face and completely disheveled jet black hair. 

"Drunk is the only way I can imagine Byakuya ever dancing like that," Toshiro said with a blush. "I didn't even think Byakuya _liked_ men but obviously I was mistaken…"

Suddenly, Riruka was falling into a seat across from them, glancing in the direction their eyes were trained. “You talking about the guy with Renji? Yeah, they’ve been dancing together nearly every weekend since you stopped coming, Yukio. I’ve seen them leave together, but I’m really not sure what’s going on with them. Shuhei tried to ask, but Renji just says his new man toy wants to keep everything _private,”_ she complained, swirling the straw around in her drink. 

Rukia sat down next to her, smiling across the table at Yukio and Toshiro. “I’m not surprised. He wouldn’t want his business to suffer if word got out that he was hooking up in clubs. Before he took over the company, my parents did business with his. From what I’ve heard, they’re very closed-off people,” she added.

Toshiro nodded. "I'm glad if he's found someone though. He always seemed incredibly overworked and stressed. He thought he hid it well but if you paid attention it was obvious he was exhausted. And I'm glad to hear Renji isn't gossiping about him because I'm fairly certain he actually could get into quite a bit of trouble if it got out that he came here and what he did while being here." He looked over to them dancing again, immediately blushing and focusing back on Yukio. 

He was gorgeous, as he always was, but he was ridiculously sexy in tight black shorts and a sleeveless black halter top that didn't completely reach the top of his shorts, his flawless skin and slight hip bones flashing occasionally in view as he moved. Toshiro honestly didn't know how he was supposed to _not_ jump him looking like that - and he wasn't even currently dancing. 

Yukio caught Toshiro’s appreciative look and gave him a rather heated smile. “Do you want to dance? Or did you want to wait for your friend?” he asked. He was absolutely sure Toshiro would likely want to get straight back home after dancing. Now that his ‘shyness,’ as Yukio had called it nearly four months prior, had been resolved, Yukio was actually curious to see if Toshiro would mind being so obviously aroused in public.

Toshiro swallowed, knowing that was a trap just as much as Yukio did. "We should probably wait, Ran's always late but never _too_ late. She'll be here soon. Shuhei was bringing her, right?" At least she wasn't staying with him this time she was in town. He loved Ran but, in small doses was preferable. 

Yukio glanced around, not spotting either of their highly recognizable friends at the moment. “Yeah, he was supposed to. That’s assuming they even got around to leaving,” he said, mostly teasing, but he also knew Shuhei very well, and he was… easily sidetracked.

Toshiro shook his head, "No way Ran is going to miss coming out. Especially with us here. She didn't even get to properly meet you and she's been asking to for months now."

Yukio scoffed lightly. “Well, if she can handle Shuhei, I’d like to meet her, too. He always had a bit of a… different personality with women than with men. Although, if she’s anything like me and doesn’t let him boss her around, she probably did just fine. He’s never mean, but he likes for women to listen to him. Probably because they’re the only ones who will,” he rambled a bit, eyes still scanning the crowd. It was almost a forced habit, after so many years doing it. He really couldn’t keep his eyes in one place. 

From the corner of his eye Toshiro spotted Ran's striking hair, turning to face her and immediately laughing, "I honestly don't know what else I expected… But it seems she has Shuhei well in hand - she has him collared and _leashed."_

Yukio’s eyes widened before he even turned, but when he did he couldn’t help but fall into a fit of laughter. “Shuhei -” he tried to speak, but couldn’t, and it took until they reached the table for him to actually recover enough to form a sentence. “You’re a pet, Shuhei, this is priceless!” Yukio exclaimed, patting Shuhei’s arm as he stood next to him. 

“Hey, it’s not _that_ funny, Yukio. I like it, actually, or else I never would have come out like this,” Shuhei shot back, though he seemed to be a fair bit brooding over Yukio’s amusement. “And you two, quit giggling,” he added, pointing threateningly at Rukia and Riruka when he heard their poorly hidden laughs. 

Ran smiled brightly as she chirped, "That reminds me! I got you a present, Yukio! For taking such good care of Toshiro for me!" She passed over an unassuming white box before turning to Shuhei, kissing him on the cheek, "Be good, Shu. You know they don't mean anything by teasing you - you're sexy like this and anyone can see that." 

Yukio was only more and more surprised by Ran. She was even using Shuhei’s nickname, likely having figured it out on her own, because _Shuhei_ certainly wasn’t going to tell her it was one of his weaknesses. He was more intrigued, though, by the box he had been handed, and he immediately opened it, only to be claimed by raucous laughter again at its contents. “Toshiro! Look what _your_ friend got us,” he said through his giggles, pulling out the black studded collar and matching leash. 

Toshiro sighed, looking witheringly at Ran. "Please tell me you're not pulling the present rule."

Ran grinned and Toshiro buried his face in his hands, knowing he was blushing ridiculously. 

Riruka immediately perked up. “Oh, please say the present rule is that they have to use it now. Yukio, Yukio, you should let Toshiro put it on you!” she all but squealed. 

“What?” Yukio demanded, shaking his head. “Don’t get ahead of yourself. Ran hasn’t even said what the present rule is yet,” he added rather desperately. 

Ran smirked, "We came up with the present rule because Toshiro would never use anything that I got him -" 

"Because it was always something ridiculous, inappropriate, or both!" Toshiro all but shouted at her, which she completely ignored. 

"- and honestly that's completely unfair. I put a lot of thought into my gifts! So we compromised on the following as a rule: if someone _else_ gave him the present after I explained the rule to them, thus verifying that it _wasn't_ a ridiculous present, then _he'd_ have to accept it and use it."

Yukio turned to Toshiro, who seemed aptly embarrassed, and put the collar and leash back in the box before taking his hand. “So, this is up to me, huh?” he asked, relatively quietly but loudly enough that he was sure Toshiro could hear him. 

Toshiro looked up from his hands, teal eyes hopelessly captured by emerald as he nodded, still blushing - whether from embarrassment or from the rush of heat that went through his body at the thought of _Yukio_ collaring him, it was impossible to tell. 

“I don’t want to actually make you uncomfortable. Really, I think it would be fun, either way. Whether you wanted to wear it or wanted me to. But if you really would be too uncomfortable to be seen with it at all, I won’t do it,” Yukio assured him. 

Toshiro smiled at his words, his heart warming at Yukio’s concern for his comfort. "I'm yours, love," Toshiro answered, still blushing but with a steady voice, "I don't mind how obvious that is - I love being yours. If you put it on me - if _you_ collared me - I wouldn't feel uncomfortable wearing it. If anything…" he said quietly, "I'd be proud."

Yukio nodded and smiled, taking the collar out of the box again and fitting it around Toshiro’s neck, securing the buckle with a bit of room to breathe easily. He clasped on the leash, giving a low, appreciative hum as he looked over the absolutely sexy image of his Toshiro on a leash. “Good?” he asked softly. 

"Yes, love," Toshiro responded, just as softly. It actually felt amazing, being collared and leashed by his Yukio. Like he was being publicly claimed by him and it was immediately obvious to everyone exactly who he belonged to. 

Yukio’s smile turned a bit heated as he brought his hand up the leash, tugging it and bringing Toshiro toward him to take his mouth in a rather aggressively claiming kiss. 

Toshiro immediately yielded, whining into his mouth as intense heat rushed through him, his hand coming up to desperately clutch at Yukio's arm in order to ground himself. Between the sensation of being claimed with his mouth and the weight of the collar as it pressed slightly into the back of his neck, Yukio not having released the leash yet, Toshiro felt like he was drowning in pleasure, surrendering completely with each wave. 

Yukio recognized Toshiro’s state of mind instantly, and it honestly made him want to keep going, but he was aware that they were in a club with other people, so he gently released Toshiro’s mouth and loosened up the pressure on the leash, allowing Toshiro to pull away from him. “Damn, you’re sexy. My Toshiro. All mine,” he said quietly. 

"Yours, love, only yours," Toshiro panted out, his breathing erratic. He still felt incredibly turned on, teal eyes partially glassy. He still didn't understand how Yukio was able to pull him into this state but he never complained. He'd only ever felt this way with Yukio and it was so entirely pleasant that he hadn’t even mentioned what happened when Yukio took control like this to Ran. 

Who was currently here - watching with wide cerulean blue eyes and an even wider smile. "You're able to get him to subspace!" She chirped, clapping her hands and watching Toshiro’s actions carefully. 

Yukio looked up at her, brow furrowed curiously. “What does that even mean?” he asked, looking back at Toshiro as though staring at the all-too-familiar look in his eyes would give him the answer. 

Ran looked a bit shocked, "You mean, you didn't know what you were doing to him? You seemed to know how to react to it…"

Yukio shook his head. “This is just kind of how he always acts when I take control. We have been sexual with each other for almost a month, so I’ve just learned what to do and what not to do when he’s like this,” he replied. 

Ran sighed, a slight frown on her face, "I really wish he would have mentioned this…" Then she blinked, "Never mind - he wouldn't have realized this something unusual." She reached over, threading her hands into Toshiro’s hair and smiled as he leaned into her touch. "You see how he's doing that without even thinking about it? It's because Toshiro completely trusts me, he knows with certainty that I'll take care of him. 

"I can't get him _into_ this state - not that I've tried but I know I can't - but _you_ obviously can. For someone to be put into subspace, they have to completely want to give themselves to the other person. While he's like this, he's given up all his control - it's almost entirely with you. I could probably get him to do small things because of our bond but _you're_ his Dom like this, and he won't act without you making the decision for him to do so. Apparently it feels amazingly freeing and light but… It also makes someone far more susceptible to negative responses from their partner, even causing them to drop if they feel abandoned - like they're completely worthless."

A pang of guilt shot into Yukio’s heart as she spoke, and he realized that was exactly what happened when he nearly left. He leaned in to press his forehead to Toshiro’s, admitting just loudly enough for those immediately near him to hear, “That happened to him… once. _Only_ once. The first time we had sex, I… I almost left, but hearing him cry like that, it broke my heart. So I went back to him. But it took a bit to get him to really understand that I was there. It was awful, and I didn’t know what to do. _Never_ again, though. I never wanted to see him like that again. I’m so sorry, Toshiro. Love you so much,” he whispered his last two sentences, tilting his head to gently kiss Toshiro. 

Toshiro hummed in contentment at the gentle kiss, smiling and Rangiku sighed, "As long as you're treating him right now. Get my number from Toshiro, Yukio. Ask me any questions about this - anything really - and I'll answer. Toshiro is family. I want him well cared for and he's been through enough. You know how difficult it is for him to trust… I'm shocked you can cause this in him at all, even more so if it happened the first time you were together."

“I don’t understand it either. I certainly don’t feel like I did anything to deserve it,” Yukio said with a light chuckle. “Obviously I didn’t when he trusted me the first time. But I think I’m treating him well and taking care of him now. Right, Toshiro? Tell Ran the truth, don’t just repeat what I’m saying, alright?” Yukio brought a hand to Toshiro’s cheek, keeping his focus for a moment as he caressed his cheek with his thumb. 

"Yes, love," Toshiro responded, leaning into his touch before teal eyes slid to Rangiku's brilliant blue. "My Yukio takes excellent care of me. I've never felt more at peace or loved. I wanted to give myself to him and he accepted me so now I'm his, and I love it. I love it when he takes control and directs me. And I know he won't ever abandon me. That first time, I knew he was afraid to care about me, but I was certain that he _did._ It felt awful, feeling worthless, but he _didn't_ leave me. He comforted me, stayed with me, and faced his own fears to tell me he loved me. I love him so much, Ran, and he takes such good care of me."

Rangiku smiled, "Good. And good job, Toshiro, you did exceedingly well, being so open and honest, thank you," she said, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek that Yukio wasn't holding. She was amazed at the answer, really. Toshiro had never been so free with his words but he hadn't seemed anything other than happy and content as he spoke. The effect that the light subspace he was in had on his mood and usually guarded emotions was apparent and Ran couldn't help but smile at the difference. He was so obviously in love, trusted Yukio completely, and Ran could tell from Yukio’s expressions and actions that he felt the same. 

Toshiro hummed, eyes falling closed as he nuzzled against Yukio’s hand. It hadn't been remotely difficult, telling Ran that, once Yukio told him to do so. He didn't overthink or analyze his words at all, they simply flowed honestly from his lips and he only felt that pleasant, light feeling in speaking them. Because he really was proud to be Yukio’s, to belong to him like this - it would have been silly to be embarrassed about. "Yours…" he murmured out, kissing the inside of Yukio’s wrist, "Only yours…"

“That’s right, my Toshiro. Only mine, and I’m never letting you go,” Yukio replied, letting his hand drop and kissing where it had been. “Are you up for dancing? I understand if you don’t want to,” he added, keeping his entire focus on glassy teal eyes. He smiled, having never noticed just how docile Toshiro looked when he was like this. It actually made some innate need to protect him rise in his heart, and he subconsciously tightened his hand around the leash, not putting pressure on the collar but being sure that it wasn’t going to slip out of his hand. 

Toshiro smiled, responding just as freely and honestly as before without thinking over any word before saying it. It was incredibly relieving to do so, making him smile as he spoke, "I'd love to dance with you, love. You guided me, that first night, and I loved it. I never forgot how perfect you felt, how confident you were, how gorgeous. You're even more so now. I only wanted to see Ran before doing so because I get so lost in you. But I definitely _do_ want to dance with you, love."

"Well don't keep lingering here on my account," Rangiku said with a laugh. "I'll come over tomorrow so we can more properly catch up. He's all yours Yukio - though it sounds like that's been the case for at least a month now."

Yukio smiled at her. “I’ll take care of him. I’m lucky to be his, just as much as he feels like he’s lucky to be mine. I wouldn’t do anything to mess that up,” he assured her. He then turned back to Toshiro, bringing a hand up to run it through his hair and leaning in to kiss his forehead. “Dance with me,” Yukio said with a confident smirk. He stood from his seat, lightly tugging on the leash to encourage Toshiro to do the same, and led him to the dance floor. 

A shiver went through Toshiro at the sound of the first words Yukio had ever spoken to him. "Yes, love," he responded softly, whimpering a bit as Yukio lightly tugged on the leash. He had to admit, this was likely the best, and probably soon to be most used gift Ran had ever forced on him. And he felt a rush of heat at the thought of Yukio wearing this for _him_ \- after all, he said he would. But like with everything of this nature, Toshiro loved that Yukio was the one to lead, to guide him and be an example to him. He still had a great deal to learn about being sexual with another person, but he _was_ still learning, and he loved every lesson his Yukio gave. 

Yukio stopped in a relatively clear place on the dance floor, now not even looking at anyone else in the room. He took Toshiro’s hand and placed it on his hip, smiling up to him as he began to move with the music, guiding Toshiro’s motions with him. This time, it didn’t take long at all for him to feel confident closing the distance between their bodies. He looped the leash around his wrist and let his hands wander down Toshiro’s sides, letting out a low hum that surely wasn’t audible over the music as he grasped his hips. This was how he had _wanted_ to dance with him nearly four months ago, and he smiled at the memory. He had tried everything, was on the verge of becoming quite vulgar, when Toshiro so abruptly interrupted him. There was no doubt that wasn’t going to happen this time. 

When he looked up to meet Toshiro’s eyes, he absolutely couldn’t believe the change that had occurred in both of them in only a short time. Toshiro _trusted_ him, a sentiment Yukio never thought possible from someone else and knew he didn’t at all deserve. But Toshiro also _loved_ him, yet another seemingly impossible thing. Yukio still had a great deal to learn about loving _anyone_ \- himself included - but he _was_ still learning, and he loved every lesson his Toshiro gave.

This dance felt so completely different than their first had for Toshiro. Because last time, the heat of desire had been entirely absent for him - not this time. Yukio always encouraged him to touch him, even when he was in full control so long as Toshiro did hinder or influence his movements while doing so, and his hands didn’t stay idle for long. They wandered over Yukio’s perfect body, every curve, feeling the lithe muscles flex under his hands as Yukio moved. His touch was as gentle and reverent as it always was, honored each and every time he was able to touch him. When Yukio closed the distance between them a moan fell from his lips, his body responding instantly to feeling him flush against him, his heartbeat accelerating, his breath hitching and becoming labored, and his arousal growing harder with each of Yukio’s skilled, sensual movements.

Yukio was only encouraged by Toshiro’s enthusiasm and obvious arousal, pressing in to increase the friction between them. “Fuck yes,” he muttered under his breath. It was as though, somehow, somewhere in the back of his mind, he had claimed some long-sought victory. He already knew he had won Toshiro’s affections, but this dance brought back that lost desire to have him like _this._ To feel him react in _this_ context. And it only fed Yukio’s confidence. He brought the hand the leash was looped around up the length of leather a bit, grasping and pulling to place a bit of pressure on Toshiro’s neck, just enough to get his attention. Having this amount of control was thrilling for Yukio, but he knew now to _never_ abuse it. Only use it to remind Toshiro that he _could_ trust him, and Yukio would never betray that again.

At the pressure upon the back of his neck from the collar, Toshiro gasped, his hands faltering in their movements and teal eyes locking with beautiful, darkened emerald green. The sheer amount of desire and _confidence_ he found there caused Toshiro to whine. He wanted so many things within this moment. He wanted to continue dancing, to feel him against him. He wanted to bare his neck for him to suck and nip at. He wanted Yukio to kiss him like he owned him - because he _did._ He wanted to fall to his knees in complete servitude and submission, to wait on his every word and pleasure his gorgeous body. He wanted him to claim him - his mouth and body - and he whined at the immensity of everything he _wanted_ to do before his eyes glassed over even more, remembering... _Yukio_ had control here. _Yukio_ would decide - he didn’t need to. Yukio would take care of him, he was here for him.

And he always would be.

When Yukio felt all of the tension exit Toshiro’s body, fully allowing him to lead his movements and giving up every bit of control he had left, he smiled. He turned in Toshiro’s grasp, pressing his back flush with Toshiro’s chest and groaning at just how perfectly he fit against his body. Without even missing a beat, he pulled Toshiro to lean over his shoulder, his ear close to Yukio’s mouth as he said, “You’re so sexy right now, I can’t even stand it. I love it when you surrender to me. So gorgeous, my Toshiro.” Yukio turned to kiss the space under Toshiro’s ear, reaching back to bury his free hand in soft white hair as he continued to lavish Toshiro’s jawbone and what he could reach of his neck with light kisses.

Toshiro moaned brokenly at his words, his attention to his jaw and neck, _feeling_ him flush against him. His hands grasped his hips, fingers over that deliciously smooth skin, feeling the cut hip bones and lithe muscle of his lower abs flex as he moved against him. Toshiro was helpless as his hips moved with him, his achingly hard length pressed and sliding against his ass causing him to tremble and whine. He wasn’t sure Yukio could even hear him over the music, though his ear was quite close to his mouth as he panted out, “Yours - Only yours - my Yukio - want you - so much - so perfect, love - Only ever want you - Yours love…”

Yukio smiled at the thought that Toshiro would likely be sent _far_ too deep into pleasure if he did much more, so he eased up the tension on the leash and kissed Toshiro’s cheek. “The song’s almost over, then you can have me. I’ll take us home. Hell, we can do it in the car if you just can’t wait,” he teased. 

“Yesss,” Toshiro hissed out, fingers squeezing before stroking his lower abs, following his hip bones to the edge of those sexily short shorts Yukio was wearing. He paused them there, his fingers trembling and shaking uncontrollably, wanting to touch him but _knowing_ doing so in public wasn’t the same as when they were alone. He whined, wanting to feel him, his hips practically thrusting against his ass as need grew within him. “Car,” he whimpered out, “Need you - please Yukio - want you so much -”

Yukio didn’t have to be told twice. The way Toshiro’s hands were tensely shaking and holding onto him, the desperate edge to his voice, he knew he needed relief _now._ He didn’t even wait for the song to end, immediately pulling away from Toshiro just enough to put an arm around his waist. He kept a bit of tension on the leash, keeping him close as he weaved through the crowd to the exit, not even bothering to glance at the table where the others were seated. He didn’t know if they’d be coming back inside, but Rangiku had said she was going to visit tomorrow, and he could see the other three whenever he wanted. Toshiro was his priority right now, and he was sure they would understand.

Rangiku smiled as the cute blonde guided Toshiro from the club. And he was _guiding_ him. There was an immense amount of care in each of his actions that Rangiku was thrilled to see. She had been afraid Toshiro would never risk his heart again, after what had happened before. She was so happy for them though. It had been incredibly hot, watching them dance, and she’d never seen Toshiro so open and completely affected by another person. The fact that Yukio could so effortlessly place him into subspace said a lot about how completely Toshiro trusted him. 

She grinned at Shuhei, tugging at his collar a bit with the leash to direct his dark eyes back to her - he’d been glued to watching the two since they left the table. “You’re not feeling too upset about this, are you Shu? I know you enjoyed being with Yukio.”

Shuhei chuckled and shook his head. “Hell no. Believe me, I’d rather see Yukio attached to someone than sleeping around with me. I mean, he’s sexy as hell, but that’s easy to ignore when I’ve got you for a while,” he said, leaning over to bury his face in her neck, taking in a deep breath through his nose and giving a satisfied hum at the soft scent of her hair.

“I’ve been thinking about that… Adventuring has started to lose its luster… And the only family I really have is here. When my lease is up, I think I’d like to move back home. Here. You think you would mind having me around more often?” she asked with a bright grin.

Shuhei’s eyes widened and he shifted up to look into her brilliant blue eyes. “Are you kidding? Of course I wouldn’t mind. You could even…” he trailed off for a moment, considering what was about to just spill out of his mouth. “Never mind,” he murmured, averting his eyes as he felt heat rushing to his cheeks.

“Aww, go on Shu,” Rangiku encouraged, her hand caressing his cheek and putting slight pressure on the leash. “Finish your sentence - you know I want you to tell me what you want. I’ll decide if you get it, but I want to know,” she said with a teasing, sweet smile.

Shuhei brought his eyes back to her when she touched his cheek, and the pressure on his neck practically demanded that he obey her. “You could, maybe, move in with me? If you want,” he said quietly, his blush deepening at the suggestion.

Rangiku’s smile softened and she leaned in to kiss him gently, saying, “Good, Shu. And I would love to. I’ve become quite fond of you and I’ve missed you since I’ve been gone. I’m glad you kept in touch.”

Shuhei smiled, the only thing taming his enthusiasm being the absolute control this woman had over him. He returned her kiss, humming into the contact before withdrawing. “Can’t wait. I’ll be counting the days until your lease is up,” he said softly.

Rangiku caressed his cheek again, smiling fondly. She perked up when the next song came on saying, “I love this song!” She lowered her hand to offer it to him, smiling brightly, brilliant blue eyes filled with mirth as she said, “Dance with me. Take me to the floor Shu.”

Shuhei smiled and took her hand. “Yes, ma’am,” he said, rather mockingly but still with utter respect and admiration under his grin. 

As he pulled her to the dance floor, Riruka looked over to Rukia. “Well? Seems like everyone else is having a good time. Want to dance?” she suggested. 

Rukia giggled and nodded. “Of course.”

Riruka pulled her up by her waist, kissing her rather deeply for a moment before withdrawing and laughing at her dazed expression as she guided her to the dance floor to join Rangiku and Shuhei. 

Yukio had gotten Toshiro back to the car, currently locked in a heated kiss in the back seat. Having already removed both of their shirts - and the leash by necessity to get Toshiro’s shirt over his head without frustration - Yukio’s hands were wandering and admiring every inch of skin, groaning into Toshiro’s mouth at the feeling of tense muscles under the surface. He barely pulled away, all but speaking into Toshiro’s mouth as he gasped out, “Good thing you keep things in here for emergencies. We can use that blanket under the seat and wash it later, right? Because I’m going to make a mess of you.”

“Yesss,” Toshiro hissed out. He honestly didn’t even care if Yukio cleaned him up - though he felt ridiculously warm and fuzzy at knowing he always _would_ \- it was part of him taking care of him. “Yours, Yukio… Please…”

Yukio quickly set himself to removing Toshiro’s pants, tossing them into the front seat and doing the same with his own shorts. “Wait, one thing,” he muttered, hurriedly leaning over the center console and just barely reaching the glove compartment, pulling it open and snatching out a bottle of lube. “Yes, I stashed this in here. For emergencies,” he said before Toshiro could even comment, if he was even present enough to care.

Toshiro barely registered what he said, panting out, “I know… Saw it - earlier - left it there -” He groaned as another wave of heat washed over him, settling more comfortably against the back seat, saying, “Please Yukio, need you - don’t care how - just need to feel you…”

Yukio smiled, both at the fact that Toshiro was just accepting his habits and his desperate words. “I know, my Toshiro. I still have to prepare you. I’ll do it as fast as I can without hurting you, and I want you to try to hold out for me, okay? I want to feel you come when I’m inside you,” he said gently. He settled on his knees in the seat furthest from where Toshiro was seated. “Lie on your back, with one foot on the floor and the other leg over the back of the seat. I want you to use the leverage on the back of the seat to come up to me when you’re ready for me. There’s not room for both of us to lie down,” he instructed, firmly but still with a vast amount of tenderness in his voice.

Toshiro whined a bit at the mental image, gasping out, “Yes, love,” moving how Yukio wanted him. He used the leverage of the back seat to lift his hips, whimpering at how completely exposed he felt, at the thought of doing this in his _car_ \- even with the heavily tinted windows he still felt incredibly put on display. As if anyone nearing could see him, even though he knew that wasn’t possible with the window tint. Anyone could still definitely _hear_ him and he'd never even attempted to be quiet with Yukio. He doubted he could be. He whined again, actually feeling incredibly turned on at the thought of doing this in such a public setting, of his Yukio wanting him without a single care at all about who knew what he was doing to him. 

Yukio smiled down at Toshiro as he lubed his fingers, desire flooding him at just how exposed he was and how incredibly desperate he still sounded. He quickly traced his entrance, pressing a finger in and stretching as he proceeded further, as quickly as he knew Toshiro’s body could handle. “You’re so gorgeous. So good for me. You can relax a bit while I prepare you. I don’t want you to get tired, because you’ll have to stay lifted like that while I take you,” he said softly as he fully buried the first finger and proceeded to add a second.

Toshiro groaned as he allowed his hips to lower but the shifting of Yukio’s fingers within him as he did so had him whining and moving back against him. He didn't know if he could stop the motion on his own as he moved his hips to gently fuck himself on Yukio’s fingers, "So good… My Yukio… Love feeling you inside me… Yours…"

Yukio quickly grasped Toshiro’s hip with his free hand, firmly pinning his hips to the back of the seat to stop his actions. If he kept that up, he was sure to come before Yukio even had a chance to get inside him. He kept his hold constant as he finished preparing him, gently caressing the outside of Toshiro’s hip with his thumb. He took only a few more seconds to be sure Toshiro was ready for him, and then he slowly removed his fingers, letting go of the pressure against Toshiro’s hip but keeping his hand in place. “I’m going to take you rather quickly. You took my fingers so well, I know you can take it, but I want to make sure that’s alright with you. I just know I’m not going to last long once I’m inside you, and I want to have a chance to feel you fully around me,” he said, locking bright emerald eyes with unfocused teal. Honestly, he knew Toshiro wasn’t in much of a condition to make decisions, but he was sure he wouldn’t hurt him. Really, he just wanted his precious partner to be aware of what he was doing. He didn’t need him tensing up because he took him by surprise.

Toshiro nodded, whining at the thought of Yukio taking him hard and fast, "Yes, love - please - need you now - don't care how - trust you…" To emphasize the point, Toshiro elevated his hips again, spreading his legs as wide as he could, blushing at displaying and presenting himself to his beautiful partner and feeling even more heat flow through him at doing so. 

“Good, Toshiro. Love you so much,” Yukio murmured. He quickly lubed his own cock, liberally to be sure that he really wouldn’t hurt him, and shifted to be as close to him as he could. He braced himself with his knees as far apart as the seat would allow before positioning himself at Toshiro’s entrance and groaning as the almost excessive amount of lubricant allowed him to smoothly sink in. He had to stop himself from taking it all in one thrust, his entire body shuddering as half of his cock effortlessly slipped inside. “Ah - fuck. So good. So relaxed for me,” he groaned. It took only two more smooth, deep thrusts for him to be fully sheathed, nearly coming just from that. But he stilled inside Toshiro’s body, panting as he looked down to judge his reaction.

Toshiro’s eyes were wide, the teal color dark and glassy, pupils blown wide as he trembled around Yukio’s hard length sinking into him so smooth and fast. When he rapidly bottomed out Toshiro keened, his hands desperately coming to clutch his hips - not with any guiding force, just to feel grounded. His breathing was entirely labored, his voice strained and wrecked as he said, “So good - so full - so perfect - I - I’m not - going to last, love - you feel - too good - Yours… Want to feel - you fill me - my Yukio…”

Yukio was tensely holding back his own release, knowing he was in a similar state. It wouldn’t take long for either of them. “Want to feel you come on my cock, Toshiro. As soon as I do, I know I’ll fill you,” he said, his voice strained as it passed through his tight throat. He grasped Toshiro’s hips again, beginning a rhythm of rough, deep strokes. “Make me come, Toshiro. Let me feel you,” he said, attempting to be firm about it but not being able to help the fact that his voice was more moan than words.

Toshiro still took it for the order it was, crying out Yukio’s name as he was pushed into climax by the rather rough movements, thrilled to be taken this way, that _he_ could make this gorgeous, experienced man _this_ desperate. His release was such a relief that he immediately sagged bonelessly against the seat, his hips only remaining elevated as Yukio gripped him and he continued to moan brokenly as Yukio fucked him through his aftershocks, his body spasming and clamping down around Yukio buried deep inside him.

Yukio gave a long, low groan as his climax took him, the pressure of Toshiro’s body around him driving him over the edge immediately. The initial wave of pleasure seemed to last long minutes, and he relished every single second feeling the spasming walls around his cock pulling every bit of blinding ecstasy from him. He had to fight against the urge to collapse on Toshiro when it finally waned, determined to clean them both off first. 

He panted for a moment, catching his breath and being sure he was steady before reaching down to the floor to pull the aforementioned blanket from under the seat. He didn’t even remove himself from Toshiro’s body as he gently lowered himself comfortably with his legs tucked under him, Toshiro’s hips rested on him. “That was incredible. You’re always so perfect, Toshiro. So glad you’re all mine,” he murmured as he cleaned the release off of Toshiro’s stomach.

“Me too,” Toshiro whispered, allowing Yukio to take care of him, feeling light and so very happy. “All yours… Only ever yours, love. Love you…”

Yukio smiled at him. Seeing him so relaxed and trusting would never get old. “Love you, my Toshiro,” he replied. When he finished cleaning him off, he folded the blanket to contain the mess and gently pulled out of Toshiro’s body, quickly wiping himself off and placing the blanket down on the seat to protect it as he moved back, allowing Toshiro to fully lie down on the seat. He had to practically climb over him to be able to rest on top of him, but as soon as he was lying with his cheek nuzzled into Toshiro’s bare chest, he didn’t mind the cramped location. He took a deep, calming breath and turned to kiss Toshiro’s chest, his fingers ghosting across the collar around his neck. “I’d stay like this forever if I could,” he whispered.

Toshiro hummed in contentment, wrapping his arms around him, saying softly, “I don’t think I could move even if I wanted to. And I’ll never want to. Love feeling you against me like this, love. You take such good care of me. Love you, my Yukio.”

Yukio rested there for a while, smiling as his mind replayed the events of the evening. He chuckled, though, when a completely ridiculous thought crossed his mind. He sat up a bit, shifting to look into Toshiro’s clearing teal eyes. “You know, as gorgeous as you are, I’d regret not asking you to take me home tonight. I mean, I’ve agreed not to pick up guys in clubs anymore, but I think I can make an exception for you,” he teased, trying and failing to keep a straight face.

Toshiro laughed brightly before responding, “Well, I’ve never picked up a guy in a club before and taken them home with me, but you’re so beautiful and sexy, I think I can make an exception for you. Can I take you home tonight?” Toshiro asked, trying to be a bit heated with his words but his tone was just too impossibly fond to be convincing.

Yukio pretended to consider for a moment, but he couldn’t keep from smiling. He reached up to kiss Toshiro softly, pulling away just a bit to whisper against his lips, “Only if I can stay there forever.”

Toshiro returned his smile, kissing him gently.

“Yes, love.”


End file.
